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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659079" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is a gigantic red flag that in spite of how you are the one visiting, she dislikes you enough to stick it to you.</p><p></p><p>If I had known about my mother's will (she disinherited me) I would have cut off contact immediatally and not even tried. I never really thought about her will. Or what she'd offer when she died, which was not even a memory she may have had that we shared. I guess there was NOTHING there in her heart for me. It was not the other way around, but after she disinherited me, the love stopped. The longing for her approval had been a waste of my time I can't get back.It was not the money. She didn't have much. It was what it meant. The message she sent.</p><p></p><p>I do not feel like my mother is a part of me. DNA is an accident. Love comes from who treats you with true love and respect. If I felt otherwise, I could never have adopted my children.</p><p></p><p>Lucy, my mother didn't call me for about a decade. May have been more. I called her, thinking it was the right thing to do. This is in spite of her totally disregarding not only my own birthday and any other holidays, but those of my children, who had done NOTHING to her...she never really knew them.</p><p></p><p>I look back and ask if I would still play these games, trying for love and never getting it. I am sorry I did. Must have swelled her head to think I was chasing after her while she was pretty much renouncing me as her daughter. She was a mean thing and probably really got a bang out of that. I have to say, she was mean to me. She loved her Golden Child and I believe she may have loved my sister, as much as she was able. So they both think I was treated well and it was me who didn't treat HER well. she was a divide and conquer lady and she got her wish. I am now cut out. And I am happy with that too. I don't want to have anything to do with anyone who thinks she was fair and equal to me or that I was the problem. Makes me sick to think of any part of my DNA on my mother's side (and I consider both sibs a part os her side, not my fathers). She got what she wanted. Now I'm going to live a wonderful rest of my life.</p><p></p><p>At times I argued with her and we had shouting matches, but disowning a family member is the ultimate of meanness. I did not abuse her, hit her, steal from her, physically touch her or wish ill on her, to her death. But I believe she was well aware that I was sensitive and that not even saying "For reasons known to only her, my daughter is being disinherited." She just ignored me. I never saw it, but bet I was not even in her obit.</p><p></p><p>Lucy, you have to do what you think is right. Understand your mother...she WILL play games that hurt you.</p><p></p><p>If you still wish to see her and have contact with her, do it on your terms and only because YOU want to do it, not for her.</p><p></p><p>If I could do my life over again, and my life DID turn out pretty good, I'd still have been smarter and dumped my entire FOO as soon as I got married. I was the black sheep and could do no right to any of them. Who needs t hat on their mind?</p><p></p><p>I didn't do it so that just made more bad memories of all of them. Finally, finally I am pretending they do not exist anymore. I can talk about them without thinking about them as even real. But I want no more of the hurt and heartache and will never let them destroy the good life I worked very hard to build for myself.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659079, member: 1550"] This is a gigantic red flag that in spite of how you are the one visiting, she dislikes you enough to stick it to you. If I had known about my mother's will (she disinherited me) I would have cut off contact immediatally and not even tried. I never really thought about her will. Or what she'd offer when she died, which was not even a memory she may have had that we shared. I guess there was NOTHING there in her heart for me. It was not the other way around, but after she disinherited me, the love stopped. The longing for her approval had been a waste of my time I can't get back.It was not the money. She didn't have much. It was what it meant. The message she sent. I do not feel like my mother is a part of me. DNA is an accident. Love comes from who treats you with true love and respect. If I felt otherwise, I could never have adopted my children. Lucy, my mother didn't call me for about a decade. May have been more. I called her, thinking it was the right thing to do. This is in spite of her totally disregarding not only my own birthday and any other holidays, but those of my children, who had done NOTHING to her...she never really knew them. I look back and ask if I would still play these games, trying for love and never getting it. I am sorry I did. Must have swelled her head to think I was chasing after her while she was pretty much renouncing me as her daughter. She was a mean thing and probably really got a bang out of that. I have to say, she was mean to me. She loved her Golden Child and I believe she may have loved my sister, as much as she was able. So they both think I was treated well and it was me who didn't treat HER well. she was a divide and conquer lady and she got her wish. I am now cut out. And I am happy with that too. I don't want to have anything to do with anyone who thinks she was fair and equal to me or that I was the problem. Makes me sick to think of any part of my DNA on my mother's side (and I consider both sibs a part os her side, not my fathers). She got what she wanted. Now I'm going to live a wonderful rest of my life. At times I argued with her and we had shouting matches, but disowning a family member is the ultimate of meanness. I did not abuse her, hit her, steal from her, physically touch her or wish ill on her, to her death. But I believe she was well aware that I was sensitive and that not even saying "For reasons known to only her, my daughter is being disinherited." She just ignored me. I never saw it, but bet I was not even in her obit. Lucy, you have to do what you think is right. Understand your mother...she WILL play games that hurt you. If you still wish to see her and have contact with her, do it on your terms and only because YOU want to do it, not for her. If I could do my life over again, and my life DID turn out pretty good, I'd still have been smarter and dumped my entire FOO as soon as I got married. I was the black sheep and could do no right to any of them. Who needs t hat on their mind? I didn't do it so that just made more bad memories of all of them. Finally, finally I am pretending they do not exist anymore. I can talk about them without thinking about them as even real. But I want no more of the hurt and heartache and will never let them destroy the good life I worked very hard to build for myself. I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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