Wish I could help my sister and her crazy husband with-a brain tumor ...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Feb 21, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    One of my sisters, A, is married to a man, B, who was diagnosed this past yr with-lung cancer. He had surgery, then came home and had a seizure, they did an MRI, found a brain tumor and operated immediately. Lung cancer had metasticized to the brain. Another tumor. Then radiation, which helped a bit.
    I was thinking he might live until March ...

    I spoke with-another sister, today, who is living there (she bought a house nearby, but is painting and sanding and is sleeping at A's house). She said the situation is totally out of control. A refuses to hire a nurse or caregiver, for whatever reason. Won't even discuss it. B has been told that he cannot drive.
    He got the keys yesterday and drove their Hummer to his biz (for which he had no exit strategy, and no future plans, and employees are running it by themselves, on a wing and a prayer). Sister K heard on the news that there was a hit and run, and nearly had a nervous breakdown, but finally learned that it was a van, not a Hummer.
    Somehow, the people at work convinced B that they should drive him home.

    As I spoke to sister K, she had confiscated both A and B's car keys and ducked out of sight to let the chips fall (or the &*%*$ hit the fan, choose your phrase of choice). B-i-l B was standing outside in the snow waiting for a friend to pick him up, but K and A both doubted he had actually contacted anyone. He may have, or maybe he thought he had.
    Some days he's capable, some days he's not.
    Between bleeding in the brain, seizures, and violence (he went after sister A yesterday) his behavior is totally unpredictable.

    K said she knew that everyone would hate her but she was doing the right thing. I encouraged her and told her to stand strong.
    I also told her that her idea to call 911 yesterday was a good idea and that she needs to do it at some point (she chickened out), because he's going to continue this behavior. (We had to go through this when my dad was diagnosed with-Alzheimer's, too. My little sister was the one who bore the brunt of that. Dad kept shouting that he was going to call the sheriff and have her arrested, and he couldn't wait to lay his hands on her.)
    So at least K has a good mentor with-our little sister.

    Unfortunately, A is so distraught that she is useless in the decision making dept and things will happen, no matter what. She fails to understand that if you let things happen with-o a plan, it's usually a worst case scenario. She's been drinking a lot, too. Which reminds me, B is drinking, too, and I asked K how he got the liquor, and she said he can walk again and find things (apparently the radiation helped with-his motor coordination but not with-his reasoning abilities). She said he is very, very thin, and yesterday all he had to eat/drink was candy and alcohol. I think she said he was smoking, too. OMG. Well, at this point, what does it matter?

    She thinks that calling 911 the next time he gets violent and takes the car/Hummer, and getting the police to do an involuntary commitment will be the only alternative. I agree, since A isn't taking any action and B won't let anyone, anyway. I have no idea if sedatives work with-brain tumors but that's an issue for the psychiatric doctors.

    B's sister and b-i-l came to visit last weekend (their 2nd time in 2 mo's) and sister A did not want them there at all. She does not want anyone there.
    Uh, it's his sister ...
    So I guess I won't visit until he's in a coma.
    So sad.
    Wish I could do more.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    (((Hugs))) I don't envy you or your sisters.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    (((((hugs))))) for all concerned.

    I am so sorry. Sadly, even with a plan things may go south fast. K being there sounds like a real blessing for A and B (even if A can't see it and B never knows it), but it sure is hard on K.
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) out to all of you.

    Does their state have a "silver alert" system? It's just like Amber Alert, but for seniors with dementia. Might want to check with local and state police about that.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Terry -

    You have a heart of gold.........I'm sorry for your sisters. Sending my hugs & Love to you all.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Aw Terry, it's so difficult to be on the sidelines. This is a sad sad story and I'm so glad that sister K is there to at least witness what's going on and be of some help to sister A. Hugs to you and your family, I'm so sorry.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all.
    Keista, I will search Silver Alert. Never heard of it. :)
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We have Silver Alert here so they probably do. We actually had a Silver Alert happen at the end of my road about a year and a half ago when an elderly man with dementia managed to wander away from his home and got lost. We had every agency out here from the National Guard to local Rescue Squads searching for him. He was found a few hours after he was reported missing safe and sound thankfully. Scared all of us neighbors though because it is quite a sight to see helicopters, the NG and so many law enforcement and rescue vehicles all congregating in one area right near your house!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, it certainly works!
    Great idea.
  10. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    What a tough situation! Hope Silver Alert is available. Sounds like a good idea. Hugs... SFR