TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
One of my sisters, A, is married to a man, B, who was diagnosed this past yr with-lung cancer. He had surgery, then came home and had a seizure, they did an MRI, found a brain tumor and operated immediately. Lung cancer had metasticized to the brain. Another tumor. Then radiation, which helped a bit.
I was thinking he might live until March ...
I spoke with-another sister, today, who is living there (she bought a house nearby, but is painting and sanding and is sleeping at A's house). She said the situation is totally out of control. A refuses to hire a nurse or caregiver, for whatever reason. Won't even discuss it. B has been told that he cannot drive.
He got the keys yesterday and drove their Hummer to his biz (for which he had no exit strategy, and no future plans, and employees are running it by themselves, on a wing and a prayer). Sister K heard on the news that there was a hit and run, and nearly had a nervous breakdown, but finally learned that it was a van, not a Hummer.
Somehow, the people at work convinced B that they should drive him home.
As I spoke to sister K, she had confiscated both A and B's car keys and ducked out of sight to let the chips fall (or the &*%*$ hit the fan, choose your phrase of choice). B-i-l B was standing outside in the snow waiting for a friend to pick him up, but K and A both doubted he had actually contacted anyone. He may have, or maybe he thought he had.
Some days he's capable, some days he's not.
Between bleeding in the brain, seizures, and violence (he went after sister A yesterday) his behavior is totally unpredictable.
K said she knew that everyone would hate her but she was doing the right thing. I encouraged her and told her to stand strong.
I also told her that her idea to call 911 yesterday was a good idea and that she needs to do it at some point (she chickened out), because he's going to continue this behavior. (We had to go through this when my dad was diagnosed with-Alzheimer's, too. My little sister was the one who bore the brunt of that. Dad kept shouting that he was going to call the sheriff and have her arrested, and he couldn't wait to lay his hands on her.)
So at least K has a good mentor with-our little sister.
Unfortunately, A is so distraught that she is useless in the decision making dept and things will happen, no matter what. She fails to understand that if you let things happen with-o a plan, it's usually a worst case scenario. She's been drinking a lot, too. Which reminds me, B is drinking, too, and I asked K how he got the liquor, and she said he can walk again and find things (apparently the radiation helped with-his motor coordination but not with-his reasoning abilities). She said he is very, very thin, and yesterday all he had to eat/drink was candy and alcohol. I think she said he was smoking, too. OMG. Well, at this point, what does it matter?
She thinks that calling 911 the next time he gets violent and takes the car/Hummer, and getting the police to do an involuntary commitment will be the only alternative. I agree, since A isn't taking any action and B won't let anyone, anyway. I have no idea if sedatives work with-brain tumors but that's an issue for the psychiatric doctors.
B's sister and b-i-l came to visit last weekend (their 2nd time in 2 mo's) and sister A did not want them there at all. She does not want anyone there.
Uh, it's his sister ...
So I guess I won't visit until he's in a coma.
So sad.
Wish I could do more.
I was thinking he might live until March ...
I spoke with-another sister, today, who is living there (she bought a house nearby, but is painting and sanding and is sleeping at A's house). She said the situation is totally out of control. A refuses to hire a nurse or caregiver, for whatever reason. Won't even discuss it. B has been told that he cannot drive.
He got the keys yesterday and drove their Hummer to his biz (for which he had no exit strategy, and no future plans, and employees are running it by themselves, on a wing and a prayer). Sister K heard on the news that there was a hit and run, and nearly had a nervous breakdown, but finally learned that it was a van, not a Hummer.
Somehow, the people at work convinced B that they should drive him home.
As I spoke to sister K, she had confiscated both A and B's car keys and ducked out of sight to let the chips fall (or the &*%*$ hit the fan, choose your phrase of choice). B-i-l B was standing outside in the snow waiting for a friend to pick him up, but K and A both doubted he had actually contacted anyone. He may have, or maybe he thought he had.
Some days he's capable, some days he's not.
Between bleeding in the brain, seizures, and violence (he went after sister A yesterday) his behavior is totally unpredictable.
K said she knew that everyone would hate her but she was doing the right thing. I encouraged her and told her to stand strong.
I also told her that her idea to call 911 yesterday was a good idea and that she needs to do it at some point (she chickened out), because he's going to continue this behavior. (We had to go through this when my dad was diagnosed with-Alzheimer's, too. My little sister was the one who bore the brunt of that. Dad kept shouting that he was going to call the sheriff and have her arrested, and he couldn't wait to lay his hands on her.)
So at least K has a good mentor with-our little sister.
Unfortunately, A is so distraught that she is useless in the decision making dept and things will happen, no matter what. She fails to understand that if you let things happen with-o a plan, it's usually a worst case scenario. She's been drinking a lot, too. Which reminds me, B is drinking, too, and I asked K how he got the liquor, and she said he can walk again and find things (apparently the radiation helped with-his motor coordination but not with-his reasoning abilities). She said he is very, very thin, and yesterday all he had to eat/drink was candy and alcohol. I think she said he was smoking, too. OMG. Well, at this point, what does it matter?
She thinks that calling 911 the next time he gets violent and takes the car/Hummer, and getting the police to do an involuntary commitment will be the only alternative. I agree, since A isn't taking any action and B won't let anyone, anyway. I have no idea if sedatives work with-brain tumors but that's an issue for the psychiatric doctors.
B's sister and b-i-l came to visit last weekend (their 2nd time in 2 mo's) and sister A did not want them there at all. She does not want anyone there.
Uh, it's his sister ...
So I guess I won't visit until he's in a coma.
So sad.
Wish I could do more.
