wish me luck - taking difficult child to therapy appointment soon

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Jan 31, 2013.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    and... she doesn't want to go - even when it means missing a class that she doesn't want to be in! Even if I bribe her with lunch on the way back to school!

    So, we haven't seen this therapist very often. And the therapist has told me that she doesn't know if appts will be very affective because difficult child doesn't want to be there. I have decided that today, I will just blurt out all the things difficult child has me worried about. Usually I try to be nice and mention positive things and just kind of hint about what we (both difficult child and me) could be doing better.

    Here is my list:

    That she wants to invite a guy over that is dating her friend, that smokes and gets stoned on weekends.

    The fact that she lies about EVERYTHING... That she tries to turn everything around and make it my fault. ie: "if she only trusted me, then I wouldn't have to lie to her" and other nonsense.

    That the inappropriate clothes she tried to wear last week are now "MIA" and I wonder if she sent them with a friend to take to school for her to change in to.

    That she wants to dress really skanky. Plus, she always complains about how other girls don't like her or talk trash about her. I have tried to explain that while it isn't right, we are judges by how we dress, and many girls are not comfortable when other girls dress in a seductive manner, and act that way around guys at school. That if she would tone things down, maybe she would fit in, or at least not be mistreated.

    Refused to hand over her iPod when we asked for it. That we had to take her door off the hinge because she has slammed it so many times. The door frame and hardware are practically shot from all her slamming.

    That she states she no longer believes in God because he didn't answer her prayers. I am OK with questioning God and whether he exists... I've done that... but she wants to use it as a reason to not do youth group activities, continue friendships with kids who do believe, and as a general excuse to behave how she wants (if there isn't a God, then there isn't sin, thus you can do what you want). She has always loved our church camp and had a wonderful time last year (and each year she has gone) now she doesn't think she wants to go this summer. I tried to explain that whether there is a God or not, there are repercussions for our actions, and we suffer when we make bad choices.

    Exudes an aurora of hate and disgust that makes it difficult for me to want to spend time with her. Tells her little sis that she is going to beat her :censored2: and other such remarks. Treats her sister like trash, but then moans and groans that her brothers don't live with us and that she didn't get to grow up with them. Both have said that when they do visit, they are embarrassed by her clothes and actions. One brother is 25 and raised by a stepmom, and the other is now 16 and lives with biodad.

    So, I am sure with all the stuff I want to bring up, J will probably show her true self and not just hulk and hunker down in the corner of the sofa at her office. So, wither we get real, or I am going to stop wasting the therapists time and my money. KSM
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Good luck!
  3. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    My daughter loves therapy. She gets to talk all about herself, which is her favorite thing to do. Afterall, it is her world and we all just exist in it. Good luck with your difficult child. I hope it goes well.
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    well, we both survived the therapy appointment. I was in the room for the whole time. At first difficult child was just defiant and didn't want to be there. So I figured, I had to pay my copay so I might as well get my money's worth. As I talked difficult child got really mean and hateful and showerd her I don't give a &*%#$ attitude. But when the therapist started talking to her, even though difficult child ignored her and kept playing with her ipod, she started having crying session. Therapist told her that she believes that she is hurting so much and afraid that she must not be capable of being loved by anyone - even her mother who chose drugs over her own kids - that difficult child must feel like she has to put up a front and keep everyone at a distance just to prove that no one loves her. Lots of tears... difficult child let me console her... and wasn't in a bad mood on the way back to school.

    The therapist did ask her an intriguing question: "Do you think that if your bio parents had sought help when they were your age, and they learned to deal with their problems then, when they were young... do you think you would have the same problems that you do now?" difficult child kind of laughed it off and said if they dealt with their problems, then she probably wouldn't have even been born! Therapist kind of agreed too, but said, but if they did get help, then when they had children, they would have been able to be there for them, provide for them, and take care of them.

    It has been a draining day. Had to bring difficult child home first to take some Tylenol before taking her back to school. Hopfully, the day will end on a better note. KSM
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    wow, sounds intense. Do you think she'll go back? Ithink you handled it great!