Wish me luck

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Jan 22, 2013.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Family therapy with the difficult child, easy child, grands, and me this am. I was really hoping husband could make it but the military wont let him off today. So wish me luck with being strong and making this useful.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending good vibes and best wishes for this to turn out to be a positive meeting for everyone, a win/win/win/win.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Good luck! Keep us posted!
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hope it goes well.....
  5. compassion

    compassion Member

    Good luck. how did it go?
  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Well I guess it went ok. difficult child basically said that she is happy now living with the grands but that she still wants to talk to me as a parent. Not really sure how I am supposed to parent a child who has basically moved out because she can't stand my parenting. My parents did agree that difficult child does not comprimise well and that they see how that can make living together difficult. My mother cried a lot and tried to bring things back to her but the therapist was prepared for that. She also went on to say that she wants to talk to me about choices she needs to make with difficult child. My reply was why would you want my parental input if my actions have always been wrong? Then I reminded her that in two weeks she hasn't contacted me once to ask for advice.

    We didn't get much accomplished other than difficult child saying she wanted to be with us as often as possible and talk to us all the time. She was upset that I had packed her things for her even though I made it clear when she left that I would. She was also upset that I hadn't contacted her while she was gone. I asked her what I was supposed to say? Nothing I say to her ends in anything other than an argument and I thought that was why she left. When the therapist asked her how to make the needed changes difficult child decided she is willing to work on communicating.

    The therapist asked me what changes I could make to make it easier and I said I had no idea. I have done the strict parent thing, the cool parent thing, the medium parent thing, and the therapy parents who goes to therapy to learn to be a better parent thing. None of it has ever made a difference and I have wrapped myself around a pole becoming what difficult child wants only to find that it doesn't work. I told him my goal for the therapy was simply survival. I have always been open to communicate with difficult child the problem is she doesn't want to hear anything that isn't her opinion. She gets upset and irate if you don't just agree with her and tell her it is all ok. She seriously thinks that you can say anything and do anything and that it should just get dropped the next day. She has no idea that wounds stick around for a lifetime.

    We scheduled another appointment in about three weeks and maybe we can move a little further then.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Sounds like there are some positives coming out of the session - so that's good. Your parents can see your side of it - a big PLUS.

    And FWIW - I think it's very positive that difficult child wants to have a relationship with you. (I mean, she could just have easily have said 'scr*w you, Mom - I don't ever want to se you again' but she didn't!)
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I agree with Daisy. She wants you in her life and said that in front of witnesses. Granmother also said she wanted your imput in front of witnesses. Looks like you have an opportunity here. -RM