Wish us luck!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by GwenM, Feb 29, 2012.

  1. GwenM

    GwenM New Member

    I am so dreading tomorrow. After the meeting we have to have with the PO, we have to go do the intervention that the therapist thinks is going to fix everything. I still don't see how putting difficult child in a room full of people pointing out all the wrong he has done, and prodding him for reasons for his behavior is going to help. He is just going to do what he always does. He will either blow up or shut down, and nothing will be accomplished. His therapist thinks he will open up about what is causing his "deep-seeded rage", and that it will be a breaking point for him. What he doesn't understand is that it has been done before. They tried it when he was in inpatient, and he simply shut down. husband has tried to confront him with the issues and get to the root of them at least twice a week for the last three years. All he ever does is blame everyone else in the house. He says that the root of all his problems is us, and that he doesn't need help.

    Maybe I am just being negative. Maybe it will be some sort of breaking point, but I still believe he needs the residential treatment. His therapist seems to think that after this, he won't need inpatient. I am praying this does some good, but I really don't see it happening at this point.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Raise your hand if anyone has ever suggested stupid talk therapy to fix your kid?????

    Bet no one can type because all of our hands are up in the air!
  3. GwenM

    GwenM New Member

    LOL Buddy. Has anyone ever seen any improvement after talks like this? Am I the only one who thinks it is a ridiculous waste of time?
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Gwen... the only way it will NOT be a waste of time is if it proves to the therapist that difficult child indeed needs inpatient treatment.
    If THAT happens... it might be worth it.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I tend to agree with Insane. "They" see one goal that is unlikely to be attained. You can retain hope that it will become evident that your goal is on target. I'm sure you're dreading it but if you get either result it won't be a waste of time. Sending supportive hugs. DDD
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Hopefully, they will see that the intervention that they seem to think is the answer to all of his problems is really doing nothing and they will realize that rt is the best place for him. I hope that everything works out. Good luck.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh! Ain't that the truth!

    I think that kind of therapy assumes that there is a single, underlying traumatic incident (the cause) just waiting to bubble to the surface. As though the child witnessed a terrible accident that he never mentioned, and if we could just push him a little he will suddenly shout "I saw the boy next door get hit by a car!" and then there will be crying and a huge emotional release and it will be over.

    Problem is, a mental illness or personality disorder is an atypical way of thinking. There ISN'T a single, underlying cause on which to pin their anger - because they are interpreting the whole world as a hostile environment.

    I really hope the therapist "sees" that...
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Well I'm in camp - I think therapy works......BUT...(and it's a big butt) It takes a LONG time, a ton of trust, and a therapist that knows his business and is truly caring, plus parents that are willing to go as well and work just as hard if not harder than the child - because after all - the child is the one with the problem. At 21 - our son will tell you that he wishes he would have stuck with therapy, and paid attention and not screwed off in it. He's talking about the individualized therapy, not the group approach. He said group was a joke. No one is going to blurt out the stuff he wanted and needed to deal with. And the therapist even told us that some stuff that angers a child to his core - may NEVER come out - or may come out at a time in a childs life when he is older and a trigger causes it to. No rhyme or reason - but my son finally has told me the cause of his - and now wishes he had someone like our therapist to process his rage with.

    That doesn't mean that he doesn't have genetic pre-cursors to mood swings - but it does explain a LOT of the What in the H is wrong with you? Why are you behaving like this? What would cause you to act like this? OMG are you my child? You didn't behave like this before...and I can almost pin-point the time in his life when he changed. IT does for us -coincide with the mood behaviors, and once that started? The mood disorder snowballed, and personality took over, and attitudes rolled. And then adolescence took over and everything our therpist said came about - like it did - DID. Dude would like to continue EMDR therapy -but shut down when he was around 16 - because some of the stuff locked away in his mind at age 4 - was too painful and he couldn't deal with it. EMDR therapy literally gave me my life back. But it took years of working with the same guy which if you are or have been working in "the system" you know this is a business where phsychiatrists and therapists have a HIGH HIGH turn over rate and just about the time you tell your all to one? They move or move on, or take a different position - and you're stuck starting all over again with someone new....and after a while - especially if you're a kid? You just get to the point - if you're moved from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to Group home to Foster care - you figure WHY bother - or like DUDE - it's a game. So he didn't take it seriously and I don't blame him. Eventually he started telling therapists stuff that was so off the wall I think they thought he was NUTS. He was playing with them. Then we found the one guy who was in a private practice, and not going anywhere..is still there - and said as long as he IS still in business if Dude ever wanted to work with him? Come on back - any age. He didn't buffalo so easy and THAT was more of a challenge for Dude than the other QUACKS. The doctor knew it too. Told him flat out -he knew what he was doing. That floored Dude and from there - at least he would go....and the days he didnt "WANT" to - We forced him to go so it would be a habit. Some people disagree with that - we didn't - it formed a pattern, habit - and became a natural course for his life. And now at 21? He'd like to see that doctor again. So FWIW? I'm for private therapy.....I've seen it work ......it may take a while for it all to BOOMERANG - (the logic of seeds planted) but if you get a good enough shrink and you work with them as parents? I think it can work very well.

    My .04 cents.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    and if you get a therapist you DO NOT connect with after ------oh I'd say a couple months? Just be honest and say - This just isn't working and find one you all DO connect with - (as parents) because the kid is NOT going to like ANYONE.....for at least A YEAR.......really really.
    More than likely he'll despise them.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I guess I'm half-way in between.
    Even with mental illness (not necessarily personality disorder... I don't have experience with that), certain kinds of "talk" therapy "may" help. Depends on the individual, the therapist, the rest of the support structure, the severity of the mental illness, whether medication helps or not... We went through I don't know how many therapists and couldn't find one we could work with. But I know others who have been successful (just not HERE).

    "Behaviour therapy" is a whole DIFFERENT thing... and I have NOT seen that used successfully. Ever. But... I don't have the most experience with that... maybe it helps certain kinds of situations?
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I agree that talk therapy can help in some cases, but it sounds like Gwen is talking about sitting around in a circle making accusations until difficult child "snaps" and admits the underlying problem.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That's what I thought too... Q loves his talk therapist, not sure it does anything but makes him feel good inside which I am not diminishing but it is not changing things, LOL Just mean the sitting around and making contracts and figuring out the reason in a meeting to end everything is probably a lot Occupational Therapist (OT) expect in this kind of situation.
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That's not talk therapy.
    THAT is an "intervention"... and it occasionally works with things like addiction, or a handful of other group-impact issues... it is NOT a general-purpose tool.