After thank you's performance last Saturday, my mom took all 3 kids and I to thank you's favorite restaurant. I wound up sitting next to Wiz, something he usually works to avoid. During the course of dinner, he made it clear that no matter what I said, I was wrong. He didn't have a fit or anything, would just go on and on about how whatever my comment was was 'misinformed'. I didn't challenge him because there would have been no gain to it. To say absolutely anything, including to give the waiter my order, I had to speak over him. The waiter actually started to walk away when we ordered drinks because of the way wiz told him we were done ordering them when he knew full well that I had not ordered a drink yet. How do I know? The look he gave me spoke volums. Wiz made several comments about Jess that really bothered me. I have been going over them in my head trying to figure out exactly why they bothered me. Today it hit me. Wiz seems to believe that we didn't show him any attention, give him any of our time, spend any of our funds on him from the moment Jess was born. It totally boggles my mind because it is so far from reality. reality is that when we only had 2 kids, he got 75% of the time we had to spend with the kids and she got the rest. The vast majority of her toys and books were either given to her by others, or were his castoffs. If we bought her a toy, new or used, he broke it within 24 hrs for years. We didn't have much $ to spend on toys and my mom sent a box of books and toys at least three times a month. 90% of those boxes were for Wiz only, but usually he only remembered the 10% that were not for him. When thank you was born Wiz still got more than half of our time and attention. This isn't a rough guesstimate. I went over journals and records and photos and he is the star of most of them, and the only one in the vast majority. He got more one on one time that the other 2 put together, got more gifts, books, stuff, etc... than they did. Maybe once he has his own kids he will gain some understanding. I think I would be really freaking about this, rather than just feeling a bit sad for him, if I hadn't worked on this with my therapist for quite some time. I hope he can work through this, and maybe someday realize that just because we didn't allow him to hurt Jess (when we knew about it) and because we gave her some of our time and attention and resources did NOT mean we did not love him. Otherwise his life will be very very strange. Esp if/when he has a second child. I am truly proud of the way he has turned many things around, esp his behavior, but I really hope and pray that someday he can see how skewed his perceptions are, and figure out a way to deal with his problems regarding his siblings. They are not so much problems with Jess and/or thank you as problems iwth actually having siblings at all. Who knew that giving your child siblings would be something he was angry about for decades?