Woke up to find a note from difficult child:

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Sep 17, 2012.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Mom, I was up all night crying and I don't know why. Something is wrong with me. I would like to see (therapist) sooner than the 20th (her next appointment). Can you call her? I love you.

    It's been a real rollercoaster around here over the past few days, especially. She broke up with her boyfriend Saturday - pretty much out of the clear blue sky. Poor guy is completley confused. She's all over the map wih emotions, but she's been sticking close to home.

    I want to get her to a psychiatrist - NOW. Don't know where to begin though - other than to wait for therapist (who is really great) to call back. She saw a psychiatrist when she was in high school and she did an academy award-worthy job of playing the somewhat troubled teen with a dash of ADHD who was seeing the light. I know she's making progress with the therapist and I assume she'd (todoc) would share h er insights with a psychiatrist before he/she saw difficult child.

    I'm really lost here. I feel like we are on the brink of something, but I don't know what to expect....or even what to wish for.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh wow, it does sound like she/you are on the brink of something. Anytime they are moved to tears and willingly asking for help is a good sign. Keeping my fingers crossed that therapist gets back to you soon and can get her in.

  3. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    She just called. Can't get her in until tomorrow at 10:00. She said she is going to suggest a a psychiatrist. She is still sleeping and I am hoping 10:00 a.m. tomorrow is soon enough. Fortunately I don't have much going on today, though I was planning on having a group of friends over tonight at 7:00. Thinking of cancelling. Just can't see having a party under these circumstances even though we all know she could wake up this morning and act as though nothing happened.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you are on the blankin' rollercoaster again. Hugs DDD
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad therapist can work her in, and I hope she's willing to see the psychiatrist. I know it can take awhile to get an initial appointment with a psychiatrist, so keeping fingers crossed it doesn't take too long.

    I have to say, while I would have done just as you did and called the therapist about an appointment, I'm concerned that she left a note asking YOU to call, instead of doing it herself. Depression or not, that's pretty manipulative. She still wants everyone to do everything for her, instead of doing it herself. I'm willing to cut her some slack here, because it's in her (and your) best interest that she see the therapist sooner no matter who makes the appointment, however, I'd tread cautiously if I were you. She needs to take responsibility for making and keeping her appointments, not place that on you. You're doing enough for her already. I realize it's a fine line to tread, because you want her to get help, but just .... be careful.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Crazy... that approach works - and is required - for most problems. But when depression becomes severe, the person is not able to make those kind of decisions and follow through. They have to get to the help first. I think Dash is doing it right.
  7. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Who makes the appointment is pretty much the least of my worries right now, Midwest. I don't think she is being manipulative but, even if she is, I will err on the side of caution right now. From what I've been told, depression can be absolutely paralyzing. When it comes to bad decisions, I'm all for the sink or swim approach ... but today? Making that call seems to be a very small thing.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm with you, Dash. SHE asked... it isn't like you are forcing her to go, or forcing her hand on the issue. It wasn't even verbal - she left a note, something concrete that can't be argued over later. Booking the appointment was just "greasing the gears" so to speak.
  9. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thanks, insane. I know she feels terribly alone right now. I think asking was hard enough.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I know that for my difficult child... until we got the right AD medications going at a high enough dose, there's no way he would have been able to initiate his own way in getting help. He needed the medications first, for anything else to work. THEN he is able to do the work.
  11. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Like I said, I would have done the same thing and called the therapist, I agree with what you did, and I'm glad you called! I'm just saying to be cautious down the road, after she's got things in place. Dealing with mentally ill difficult children who are also manipulative can be very tricky. But I'm glad she reached out, and that you called.

    I have a very manipulative, personality-disordered difficult child. I've had to force her to take responsibility and refuse to do things for her in some pretty sticky situations -- so I'm coming from a different perspective. My natural inclination is suspicion. Sorry if it came across harsh, I didn't mean it that way .. was just "food for thought' on down the road.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Crazy... we come from so many different experience-sets, don't we!
    And it definitely puts a slant on what every one of us writes - me included.

    Sorry - I wasn't trying make you sound unhelpful either... just starting from different assumptions... (simple but severe depression, as compared to other MI issues).
  13. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Youngest has suffered from severe depression as well, so I come from that perspective too. I had to drive to Florida to rescue her and the kids during the worst of it, she was not taking care of them, even "forgetting" to feed my granddaughter, who was not even a year old at the time. You do what you have to do when a crisis arises. I just know that down the road, Youngest continued to manipulate and used the mere "threat" of depression as a sort of weapon, expecting me to help her in inappropriate ways -- so that's where I was coming from.

    Now is now, though. Dash, I hope the appointment leads to her getting the help she needs.
  14. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I appreciate everyone's comments. I am at a place where I really do not know what I'm dealing with. I've found that the way I deal with any gien situation (and also the way I might advise another to deal with it) depends on so many extenuating circumstances.

    My difficult child is very, very manipulative. I do have to exercise discretion in how I handle any number of different situations. It's never simple, that is for sure. I don't feel that anyonei s being judgemental or harsh.
  15. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Of course you do what you can when your child (semi-adult) asks for help. Last year, when my difficult child was finally able to speak openly with someone about her assault, she spoke with me and asked me to help her find someone. She ultimately chose the therapist. She is currently seeing my therapist (haven't seen her since January) and likes her - feels she can make progress with her and even asked me to come along last week (which I did). I think you know her best and have to follow your mommy-gut.

    Hugs to you (and her). I hope time moves quickly and she is helped by the appointment. Please let us know how it goes!
  16. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Dash: I am hoping and praying that your difficult child can get the help that she needs at her appointment tomorrow. (((HUGS)))
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    difficult child asked for help. You made a phone can and set up an appointment. Not really that big of deal. This sort of "help" I don't have an issue with, even if it's possible manipulating because you are probably not going to be able to judge the moment when it's serious and you certainly do not want to miss that opportunity. Know what I mean??

    It does seem like you may be on the cusp of an event. Hopefully it is her developing a treatment plan with therapist and psychiatrist and wanting to get her life in order.

  18. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hoping your daughter gets the help she is searching for.
    You're a good mom.

  19. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Did she see the therapist today?

  20. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    She did go, but I it's hard to tell how it went ...if any good came out of it. She's been happy, happy today ... you know that kind of over-the-top happy that is almost as disturbing as when they are depressed and sleeping all day. I've been working on a photo project that has people coming and going all day and she loves that .. being miss social and and all. I actually had to tell her to quiet down as she was upstairs singing at the top of her lungs when she got back fromt he appointment. The great mood might evaporate when I inform her she's job hunting again tomorrow... Not that I don't want her to be in a good mood ...it's just that this is more manic than happy.

    Not sure what to wish for about the psychiatrist. If she's really ready for help, then I want her to be referred and to go. If she's not, well then it doesn't make sense. I'll have to suck it up and ask Mr. Ostrich for money if she does go.