Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by Scent of Cedar *, Mar 17, 2016.
Well, this is a nice story to listen to with my afternoon pot of tea!
I'd like to fly with the owls, not run with the wolves. I love the idea of a wild animal inside me somewhere, harking back to our ancient instincts.
It's a sad image isn't it? of being a tiny cactus with a single flower, alone in the desert, 500 miles between that cactus and the nearest plant.
Interesting ideas ... I'll have to return to this.
I absolutely, positively love this Cedar.
Thank you, I held my breath between heartbeats as the story unfolded.
It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
I think maybe it is a courageous image too, nlj. The desert is said to represent the places in the heart we are singing back to life. No distractions. No water that is visible, no joy to sustain us. And so, we become very real, in the desert. In all those 500 miles, the red bloom can matter in a way we would never have seen it before. Life, in all those arid miles of sand.
There is a book: Dance of the Spirit The Seven Steps of Women's Spirituality by Maria Harris.
"A woman's spirituality is a rhythmic series of movements that can be imagined as steps in a dance, where there is movement backward and forward. At whatever step we find ourselves, we are where we are meant to be."
"From a leading educator in women's studies, here is a gentle yet provocative book that will help women find ~ and use ~ the spiritual steps that can transform their lives. In the "quiet revolution" of women's increasing spiritual self awareness, Dr Maria Harris teaches women how to dance to the music of their own souls ~ while discovering their unique and authentic female selves.
As women continue to gain a clearer sense of self in every area of their lives, they are also realizing there are facets of their interior lives that are uniquely female. it is this rich, inner world of mystery, power, and promise every woman must enter in order to achieve a true awareness of her identity. To that end, Dance of the Spirit moves through the seven steps of woman's spirituality ~ Awakening, Dis~Covering, Creating, Dwelling, Nourishing, Traditioning, and Transforming ~ and discusses the meaning and movement of each step that form the spiritual dance. Here as well are exercises, meditations, and new insights to lend strength, momentum, poise, and balance to the dance."
Also, the writings of Karen Armstrong. She is gone now, but became very well known for the quality of her thought. She had entered the convent as a young woman but left some years later. Her writings have to do with faith, and with what is real.
Thank you Cedar for introducing Karen Armstrong, I love her.
I speak with the kids at school a lot about the golden rule. Even the kindergartners have expressions of deep thought when I share this with them.
What an amazing woman with a lifetime of study, learning and sharing.
"All this expertise. If we joined together, we could change the world."
I love TED talks. Sometimes, I just spin through the subjects listed and watch whichever appeals to me in that moment. I have learned so much that I am grateful to have come to know.
Thank you, Leafy.
TED is one of the tools we all could access, and find an answer there to the questions we did not know how to ask.
Also, the C.S. Lewis quote about the difference between amorous love and friendship, and about standing shoulder to shoulder, our eyes fixed on a common goal.
I liked that very much.
I would add this, from Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly
Nothing contributes so much to tranquilizing the mind as a steady purpose -- a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.
Wollstonecraft Shelly wrote Frankenstein:
"Once my fancy was soothed with dreams of virtue, of fame, and of enjoyment. Once I falsely hoped to meet with beings who, pardoning my outward form, would love me for the excellent qualities which I was capable of unfolding."
Those are her words, too. Spoken by the monster, about himself.
Here is the chapter from which the above quote was taken. To me, the Frankenstein story is the story of the abused child. And of her recovery. Here, we learn compassion for all that might have been and was lost, both for ourselves and for our dysfunctional families. We learn the form and flavor of what it is that we needed and did not receive.
We provide that for ourselves.
We learn not only what did happen to us, but we understand how differently everything might have been, for us and for them too, had we been given those things every living creature requires to meet his or her full potential. When we understand how it was the way Frankenstein's monster was perceived that shaped and formed how he felt about himself, we can recognize ourselves, there. We have a tool, now, to refute what the dysfunctional family situation taught us about ourselves. We can recognize in ourselves the finer self that was always who we were.
Whatever happens to FOO Chronicles, that is what I would like those reading here, whether you are posting in or not, to know.
You are here on purpose.
You matter. How you see yourself matters so much more than you know. It will take some time to ferret out what you were taught about yourself so that you can refute the wrongness in it. But you can do it. It is very hard, but absolutely worth it.
You are meant to be healthy and whole and strong.
Until we begin to heal, we are not aware how hard we have struggled just to do the normal things everyone else does without thinking twice. Once we begin the process of self reclamation, the sense of joy in just being who we are, without apology, and with a sense of joyful welcome, is indescribable.
That is what was taken from us.
Compassion is a good word to begin with. Gratitude for our lives, for our breath and the day we are in, is another good, good word. There are challenges in every life. We have not been singled out. We did not do this wrong. If we have been raised in dysfunctional situations though, we will find ourselves at a further disadvantage because we will have been taught to feel responsible.
We will have been taught that we did do something wrong, and that is why whatever the bad thing is happened.
We will spend (I did) those first years as our families fall apart blaming and condemning ourselves. Trying to figure out where we went wrong is not helpful. Our children are in trouble. We need to believe in them and in ourselves enough to get us through.
That is what is helpful.
Whatever is presented, we will figure it out.
That is a helpful attitude to hold.
But a parent's feeling guilty or responsible or ashamed does not help a frightened, out of control child. Feeling certain we can pull ourselves and one another through it. That will help our troubled children. Meeting and facing the behaviors with compassion.
That will help us.
That is what will help our children. We don't have to be perfect and neither do they.
Over time, we will learn, and we will do better.
It will be difficult to trust ourselves. This will make it difficult for us to hold strong for our children. They are scared, too.
But we can do it.
I really like that, we will figure it out. Yes, when the kids go off the rails and we are doing anything and everything possible to try to stop it, it becomes a whirlwind.
Like being stuck in a riptide, ones first instinct is to panic and fight with all ones might. When really, the key is to relax and figure it out.
These are the feeling states most parents are writing about, including myself when first coming here. The guilt and the searching for answers, blaming our parenting mistakes. It is such a difficult time.
It does take time to pull it together and gather the strength towards feeling certain. It is possible. Compassion is key, understanding, reading, finding new ways to respond.
This is true. When we know better, we do better. This applies to our kids too.
We all have a purpose and meaning. We are all searching.
Yes, and when we learn to focus on strengthening and building ourselves, trusting ourselves, the kids see this, and can do it too.
Thank you very much
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