Women

F

flutterbee

Guest


[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST [/FONT]



[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. [/FONT]


[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.[/FONT]


[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.[/FONT]


[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.[/FONT]


[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.[/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]
[/FONT]WOMEN'S REVENGE[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]


'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet
[/FONT] , [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..' [/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] UNDERSTANDING WOMEN[/FONT]

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]and still be afraid of a spider.[/FONT]


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] He addressed the man, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it? [/FONT]


[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.. [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]She directs him down the correct aisle. [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]He answers, 'You see, it's like this, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]yesterday, I sent my wife to the store [/FONT]to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]and some rolling [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.. [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial](I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) [/FONT]


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] An earlier discussion had led to an argument and [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] neither of them wanted to concede their position. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' [/FONT]


[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]WORDS[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]30,000 to a man's 15,000.[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' [/FONT]



[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The Silent Treatment[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]A man and his wife were having some problems at home [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]and were giving each other the silent treatment.[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]'Please wake me at 5:00 AM '[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]He left it where he knew she would find it.[/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] see why his wife hadn't wakened him,[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]when he noticed a piece of paper by[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] the bed. [/FONT]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.[/FONT]



The last one is my absolute favorite! :rofl:
 
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