Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, Oct 19, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]
    [/FONT]WOMEN'S REVENGE[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]

    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

    As she fumbled for her wallet
    [/FONT] , [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..' [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] UNDERSTANDING WOMEN[/FONT]


    I know I'm not going to understand women.

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]and still be afraid of a spider.[/FONT]


    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] He addressed the man, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' [/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it? [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS[/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]She directs him down the correct aisle. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]He answers, 'You see, it's like this, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]yesterday, I sent my wife to the store [/FONT]to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]and some rolling [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.[/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.. [/FONT]

    [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial](I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) [/FONT]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Times New Roman][B]WIFE VS. HUSBAND[/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][SIZE=3] [COLOR=#0000ff]A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][SIZE=3] [COLOR=#0000ff]An earlier discussion had led to an argument and [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][SIZE=3] [COLOR=#0000ff]neither of them wanted to concede their position. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][SIZE=3] [COLOR=#0000ff]As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][SIZE=3] [COLOR=#0000ff]the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

    [FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][SIZE=3] [COLOR=#0000ff]'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

    [CENTER][CENTER][CENTER][CENTER][LEFT] [SIZE=3][COLOR=Red][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][B]WORDS[/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#ff0000][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#ff0000][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]30,000 to a man's 15,000.[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#ff0000][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#ff0000][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][B]The Silent Treatment[/B][/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]A man and his wife were having some problems at home [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]and were giving each other the silent treatment.[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]'Please wake me at 5:00 AM '[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]He left it where he knew she would find it.[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] see why his wife hadn't wakened him,[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=3][COLOR=#0000ff][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial]when he noticed a piece of paper by[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial] the bed. [/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE]

    [COLOR=#0000ff][SIZE=5][FONT=Trebuchet MS, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial][SIZE=3]The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.[/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

    [COLOR=Black]The last one is my absolute favorite! :rofl:[/COLOR] [/LEFT]
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member


    I loved the flower and in-laws jokes.

  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    OMG! Those are wonderful!

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Too funny. I loved those.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Relatives of yours.......? Yup - inlaws.....

    ABSOLUTELY the best to me!