Words vs. action Action speaks. Louder than words

[BusynMember]

Beware of promises, buttering up, promises, words in general.

Words are cheap. They are easy to say and can make us forget the difference between saying something and actually doing something. You can tell what your adult really is going to do by what he or she actually does. Talk is just verbal vomit if it doesnt fit in totally with what is being done. Actions require no words.

If your adult promises to be the salt of the earth (words) while just quitting rehab and staying unemployed and begging you for $20 or pay for a hotel, that is not consistent with promising to do better.

Actions matter. Words are nothing but sounds.

Actions. Trust their acrions only.!

 

[Snow White]

True words, SWOT. In my case, I can't trust either these days.

 

[Tanya M]

Yes!! I'm a firm believer in this. My son so many times has told me "everything I wanted to hear" and I would think, "this time will be different" because he seams so sincere. I learned the hard way that you have to be very careful when your adult child tells you something that "sounds to good to be true".
I no longer buy into the "words" my son tells me, I instead look for the action or rather lack of action as it usually is with him.

 

[toughlovin]

Very very true! I have also learned that paying attention to attitude is helpful. So begging beseeching promises are not real and definitely can’t be trusted. Anger when you wont give them what they want with cruel threats are a really bad sign. Blaming you not a good sign. Respecting your boundaries, accepting when you say no, or asking in a way that respects your answer or is really looking for solutions to whatever it is... is a promising sign. Although it is good to remember that manipulation can come in many forms so words are still words and actions are what counts.

 

[bluebell]

With my son being out of the house with very little contact for almost a month now, I have reflected a lot, grieved some, and developed a sort of timeline in my head of this whole fiasco. There is very little correlation between actions/words. There has been some maturity and I really did think he was on the right path, going to school, keeping a job for a whole year, but it all fell apart.
Yet, if his brand of maturity means that there is just a bigger gap between complete meltdowns and he internalizes this as I think he might be 'That I did all of that for the past year for nothing' then there is still very little growth. I guess I'm just trying to say, as mcdona did, that neither actions or words will satisfy me anymore. There would have to be some sort of miraculous sea change, which is just never going to happen. Cue the grief.
I had a dream about my son last night, and he just walked in the house and although he looked the same physically, there was a light in his eyes. He was happy and asking about us, the pets, his sister. He was happy and confident, no chip on his shoulder. I think this person might have had problems like everyone else, but he was glad to see his family. What a strange dream.