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Work and Germany: Abandonment
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 674682" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I think it is both Cedar, that through mistreatment growing up, I have learned to mistreat myself in certain ways. To put others before me, sometimes to self detriment. Others see my willingness to give, and have taken advantage of this. This I must recognize and weigh more carefully. I have to learn to tell myself " Just because you can, doesn't mean you should."</p><p></p><p> Thank you for this IC. It is true. These horses my sister and her friend save are actually in the kill buyers. It has become quite a business. They advertise the "good horses" and put a price on them. They are sometimes abused, or like dogs and cats, bought for "gifts" for children, where people don't really understand the amount of work it takes to properly care for these animals. They are discarded.</p><p>It is mostly positive, and a little sad. Rather bitter sweet. It also symbolizes a promising future.</p><p></p><p> Yes IC. I wanted my sister to try to understand the issues I have dealt with in comparison with her understanding of these horses. They come to the farm unsteady and unsure, sensitive and broken by their experience. Some have trust issues. The rescuers are intent on giving these animals the respect and peace that should be due all creatures of God.</p><p></p><p> Yes, Copa. There was a period of time that my sister and I grew close. She was my confidante. We would speak regularly on the phone. She drew nearer to me especially during my fathers illness. It was a desperate time for both of us. She, struggling with Daddy's sickness and her feeling that he was not receiving the best care. I, struggling with being so far away, and also with troubles with my d c's. I do feel that the time it took for me to break free from enabling grieved her. She did not like to see hubs and I suffer.</p><p>I understand her feeling. It must sound after awhile to an onlooker, like a broken record. It is easy for one not involved to say "What? You are helping them again? Did not you learn yet?"</p><p>I could understand how it would hurt someone close to hear of it. Much like our d c's troubles affect us?</p><p></p><p> This is true Copa, we are much the same in many ways. I have recognized that to love these animals, and only be able to help a few, must be discouraging and disconcerting. I have also figured out her lot in life now, is hard. Her friend has a traumatic brain injury. She is high functioning, but sis says, has lost certain personality traits. She is toughened, hard sometimes. Sis pays room and board by barn chores and driving her friend. She also works some nights. I do realize she must be tired. We have both had a hard time with our fathers passing, and moms illness. So, yes, I do see the two way street. That is why I have tried to show her, I am like a rescue horse, I have a tough situation, but I will come out of this.</p><p></p><p> Yes, I am trying to do this. That is what I meant about being careful about who I share my story with. Perhaps she has heard enough. That is okay, her feelings, so, I will adjust and respect that.</p><p></p><p> Yes, I admire her for this, it is hard work.</p><p></p><p> Yes and no Copa. I feel that she has become impatient and misunderstanding of my emotional reactions. I think she feels I am stuck in the past. I want her to know that I have gone through difficult times, and am searching myself and my life to become a better, stronger person. That if I cry, I am not falling apart, I am falling <em>together</em>.</p><p></p><p>I always wished to be close with my sister, Copa. We are just 13 months apart. Yes, it is realistic, it has happened, and I am sure will happen again.</p><p></p><p> If my sister were to understand that I do love her, that my going through my childhood history is not to blame seek, rather to understand more of myself, I think I would feel more at peace. It is not a matter of diminished, or enhanced, more of a mutual knowing? That we had our trials, as all siblings have, but that I am okay with it? That I am trying to embrace it, learn from it and move on. I suppose you could say that is an enhancement, yes. I wish she would understand that I am seeking to discover and heal, make whole....my <em><strong>self</strong></em>.</p><p></p><p> I do believe all people have had unique upbringings and experiences with FOO. Some definitely more challenging than others. It is the stuff of books and plays. For sure, we make mistakes and hurt others, even ourselves.</p><p></p><p> It is both possibilities. Any relationship is hard work. I will say my older brother and younger sister do not want to deal with her. I have in the recent past, been the "middle man". Trying to negotiate the preservation of our family. Sis has been feeling for a long time misunderstood by these two. They have felt bullied and put upon by her insistence on medical decisions for my parents. They have been stood up by her on many occasions whereby she has promised help, but backed out at the last minute, causing them to scramble to aid my parents. This has caused a rift. My communicating with my other siblings appears to upset my sister, as if I have taken sides. I am trying to be Switzerland.</p><p>At the same time, my sister must own up the consequences of her behaviors.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, but it does hurt. It is mine, and I am searching the meaning of it.</p><p> I think we have recently fallen into old roles, in this Copa. That is what it has felt like to me. She is the older, domineering sister, and I, the weak, overly sensitive younger. She will prod me to tears, then chastise me for crying. I have not retreated, so to speak, into my room, like leafy in the past. I have declared my feelings. She does not like this, reacts with bitterness and rebuking. Silent treatment and stubbornness. As if by my emotions, I have betrayed her.</p><p></p><p> Yes, I do not judge my sisters life decisions, it is her way. I would like the same consideration, I suppose.</p><p></p><p> I am sorry for this, Copa, did she know of this? His treatment of you? "Other men would have thrown you out" how sad, this is Copa, I am so sorry, to be abused as a child and then spoken to this way, deplorable. I ask if she knew because hubs father was the same. He was sadistic, a wife and child abuser, but people loved him.</p><p>I do not know if they knew of his evil machinations.</p><p>He was kind and fun loving, even good natured to others. All a circus act....</p><p> In the manner of circumstances, I was referring to my d c's. In this, I have no control, only to my response. Also to my dealings with non profit bullies, which my sister knew of. I did not realize the extent of ugly politicking until it hit me, square in the gut. I do realize that I may choose to leave it, and move on, or stay and fight. I am leaning towards going, too much corruption and ugliness for my taste.</p><p></p><p> This is true and wise Copa.</p><p></p><p> In some ways I think this is what she feels. It is not the right time to ask.......and I am wrong to assume anything.</p><p></p><p> In many ways she is vulnerable and lovable.</p><p></p><p> I suppose it becomes personal when the aggression is obviously directed at us. If there has developed a pattern of acquiescing, retreat, then one stands up for oneself.....I think this is what happened on my fall trip. I think she was taken by surprise.</p><p></p><p> Thank you for sharing this Copa, I feel badly for M.</p><p>It is hard to work heart and soul for a cause, then to be tread upon and misspoken of.</p><p>This is my dilemma. I know what I stand for, though it is a difficult thing, to be targeted in such a way.</p><p></p><p> I think this will be true in my case ,too, the more time and distance occurs. We all have to pick and choose, how we spend our precious time.</p><p></p><p> This is true for this woman. There are many very aggressive people in this world, who do not care how they treat others. They can be charismatic, charming, but eventually, people find out their true colors.</p><p></p><p> I understand this IC. This has been a struggle for me, to understand and appreciate my own value. I look at it this way, the golden rule, "Do unto others, as you would do unto yourself."</p><p>I think it goes both ways, a model for treating others and ourselves with respect.</p><p> IC, I have to tell you, you have wonderful wisdom and insight, you are kind and caring, I thank you for what you have shared with me, the few months I have been here. I value your sentiments tremendously.</p><p></p><p>Whew, I fear I have written another book Copa, I apologize. Thank you Cedar, for your input. Thank you Insane for understanding my Rescue Horse image. I am sorry you have been on the edge of slaughter, I do know the feeling.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for allowing me to express myself and for your most kind interest.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 674682, member: 19522"] I think it is both Cedar, that through mistreatment growing up, I have learned to mistreat myself in certain ways. To put others before me, sometimes to self detriment. Others see my willingness to give, and have taken advantage of this. This I must recognize and weigh more carefully. I have to learn to tell myself " Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." Thank you for this IC. It is true. These horses my sister and her friend save are actually in the kill buyers. It has become quite a business. They advertise the "good horses" and put a price on them. They are sometimes abused, or like dogs and cats, bought for "gifts" for children, where people don't really understand the amount of work it takes to properly care for these animals. They are discarded. It is mostly positive, and a little sad. Rather bitter sweet. It also symbolizes a promising future. Yes IC. I wanted my sister to try to understand the issues I have dealt with in comparison with her understanding of these horses. They come to the farm unsteady and unsure, sensitive and broken by their experience. Some have trust issues. The rescuers are intent on giving these animals the respect and peace that should be due all creatures of God. Yes, Copa. There was a period of time that my sister and I grew close. She was my confidante. We would speak regularly on the phone. She drew nearer to me especially during my fathers illness. It was a desperate time for both of us. She, struggling with Daddy's sickness and her feeling that he was not receiving the best care. I, struggling with being so far away, and also with troubles with my d c's. I do feel that the time it took for me to break free from enabling grieved her. She did not like to see hubs and I suffer. I understand her feeling. It must sound after awhile to an onlooker, like a broken record. It is easy for one not involved to say "What? You are helping them again? Did not you learn yet?" I could understand how it would hurt someone close to hear of it. Much like our d c's troubles affect us? This is true Copa, we are much the same in many ways. I have recognized that to love these animals, and only be able to help a few, must be discouraging and disconcerting. I have also figured out her lot in life now, is hard. Her friend has a traumatic brain injury. She is high functioning, but sis says, has lost certain personality traits. She is toughened, hard sometimes. Sis pays room and board by barn chores and driving her friend. She also works some nights. I do realize she must be tired. We have both had a hard time with our fathers passing, and moms illness. So, yes, I do see the two way street. That is why I have tried to show her, I am like a rescue horse, I have a tough situation, but I will come out of this. Yes, I am trying to do this. That is what I meant about being careful about who I share my story with. Perhaps she has heard enough. That is okay, her feelings, so, I will adjust and respect that. Yes, I admire her for this, it is hard work. Yes and no Copa. I feel that she has become impatient and misunderstanding of my emotional reactions. I think she feels I am stuck in the past. I want her to know that I have gone through difficult times, and am searching myself and my life to become a better, stronger person. That if I cry, I am not falling apart, I am falling [I]together[/I]. I always wished to be close with my sister, Copa. We are just 13 months apart. Yes, it is realistic, it has happened, and I am sure will happen again. If my sister were to understand that I do love her, that my going through my childhood history is not to blame seek, rather to understand more of myself, I think I would feel more at peace. It is not a matter of diminished, or enhanced, more of a mutual knowing? That we had our trials, as all siblings have, but that I am okay with it? That I am trying to embrace it, learn from it and move on. I suppose you could say that is an enhancement, yes. I wish she would understand that I am seeking to discover and heal, make whole....my [I][B]self[/B][/I]. I do believe all people have had unique upbringings and experiences with FOO. Some definitely more challenging than others. It is the stuff of books and plays. For sure, we make mistakes and hurt others, even ourselves. It is both possibilities. Any relationship is hard work. I will say my older brother and younger sister do not want to deal with her. I have in the recent past, been the "middle man". Trying to negotiate the preservation of our family. Sis has been feeling for a long time misunderstood by these two. They have felt bullied and put upon by her insistence on medical decisions for my parents. They have been stood up by her on many occasions whereby she has promised help, but backed out at the last minute, causing them to scramble to aid my parents. This has caused a rift. My communicating with my other siblings appears to upset my sister, as if I have taken sides. I am trying to be Switzerland. At the same time, my sister must own up the consequences of her behaviors. Yes, but it does hurt. It is mine, and I am searching the meaning of it. I think we have recently fallen into old roles, in this Copa. That is what it has felt like to me. She is the older, domineering sister, and I, the weak, overly sensitive younger. She will prod me to tears, then chastise me for crying. I have not retreated, so to speak, into my room, like leafy in the past. I have declared my feelings. She does not like this, reacts with bitterness and rebuking. Silent treatment and stubbornness. As if by my emotions, I have betrayed her. Yes, I do not judge my sisters life decisions, it is her way. I would like the same consideration, I suppose. I am sorry for this, Copa, did she know of this? His treatment of you? "Other men would have thrown you out" how sad, this is Copa, I am so sorry, to be abused as a child and then spoken to this way, deplorable. I ask if she knew because hubs father was the same. He was sadistic, a wife and child abuser, but people loved him. I do not know if they knew of his evil machinations. He was kind and fun loving, even good natured to others. All a circus act.... In the manner of circumstances, I was referring to my d c's. In this, I have no control, only to my response. Also to my dealings with non profit bullies, which my sister knew of. I did not realize the extent of ugly politicking until it hit me, square in the gut. I do realize that I may choose to leave it, and move on, or stay and fight. I am leaning towards going, too much corruption and ugliness for my taste. This is true and wise Copa. In some ways I think this is what she feels. It is not the right time to ask.......and I am wrong to assume anything. In many ways she is vulnerable and lovable. I suppose it becomes personal when the aggression is obviously directed at us. If there has developed a pattern of acquiescing, retreat, then one stands up for oneself.....I think this is what happened on my fall trip. I think she was taken by surprise. Thank you for sharing this Copa, I feel badly for M. It is hard to work heart and soul for a cause, then to be tread upon and misspoken of. This is my dilemma. I know what I stand for, though it is a difficult thing, to be targeted in such a way. I think this will be true in my case ,too, the more time and distance occurs. We all have to pick and choose, how we spend our precious time. This is true for this woman. There are many very aggressive people in this world, who do not care how they treat others. They can be charismatic, charming, but eventually, people find out their true colors. I understand this IC. This has been a struggle for me, to understand and appreciate my own value. I look at it this way, the golden rule, "Do unto others, as you would do unto yourself." I think it goes both ways, a model for treating others and ourselves with respect. IC, I have to tell you, you have wonderful wisdom and insight, you are kind and caring, I thank you for what you have shared with me, the few months I have been here. I value your sentiments tremendously. Whew, I fear I have written another book Copa, I apologize. Thank you Cedar, for your input. Thank you Insane for understanding my Rescue Horse image. I am sorry you have been on the edge of slaughter, I do know the feeling. Thank you all for allowing me to express myself and for your most kind interest. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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