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Family of Origin
Work and Germany: Abandonment
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 674731" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think it was on Feeling's thread. </p><p></p><p>I had written something like--I felt vulnerable and victim to what my son did or did not do. As if I was living my life as kind of a hostage to love. My feelings and my heart not my own.</p><p></p><p>And Going wrote to me that my feelings and mind are my own. That nobody controlled them except me. And she closed with, she wished she could better explain how to do it. And maybe I should go to therapy. I felt so helpless because I felt I did not know how to do what she wrote of. To feel that my mind was my own.</p><p></p><p>And all of a sudden I realized it was a decision. That even with my son I could decide to take back my thinking and feelings...take back control. So I did decide. And I changed. By deciding.</p><p></p><p>The post I was referring to was back a bit, I think. I talk about the thread where the daughter was taken by the police to ER because the Uber driver saw she was in trouble. And there is some discussion that the thing to do is leave her there in college because a degree is so important. </p><p></p><p>Going North had written an astute, direct and wise post about how dangerous was the situation and conduct of the daughter. That her life was in danger.</p><p></p><p>On this thread I commented upon that discussion. My thoughts that we as parents over everything were responsible to take a moral stance. That our children looked to us for direction about how to hold their own value, and how to live. And that with respect to our children, an end never justified the means. That to allow the child to keep self-destructing was to communicate that her value was not such to protect. By funding self-destruction, that was the message that would be sent. How could a college degree, be more important than that, I wrote. I wrote something like that on that thread, and discussed it here too.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying that the parent can control the child's behavior or choices. But funding them is not neutral either.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 674731, member: 18958"] I think it was on Feeling's thread. I had written something like--I felt vulnerable and victim to what my son did or did not do. As if I was living my life as kind of a hostage to love. My feelings and my heart not my own. And Going wrote to me that my feelings and mind are my own. That nobody controlled them except me. And she closed with, she wished she could better explain how to do it. And maybe I should go to therapy. I felt so helpless because I felt I did not know how to do what she wrote of. To feel that my mind was my own. And all of a sudden I realized it was a decision. That even with my son I could decide to take back my thinking and feelings...take back control. So I did decide. And I changed. By deciding. The post I was referring to was back a bit, I think. I talk about the thread where the daughter was taken by the police to ER because the Uber driver saw she was in trouble. And there is some discussion that the thing to do is leave her there in college because a degree is so important. Going North had written an astute, direct and wise post about how dangerous was the situation and conduct of the daughter. That her life was in danger. On this thread I commented upon that discussion. My thoughts that we as parents over everything were responsible to take a moral stance. That our children looked to us for direction about how to hold their own value, and how to live. And that with respect to our children, an end never justified the means. That to allow the child to keep self-destructing was to communicate that her value was not such to protect. By funding self-destruction, that was the message that would be sent. How could a college degree, be more important than that, I wrote. I wrote something like that on that thread, and discussed it here too. I am not saying that the parent can control the child's behavior or choices. But funding them is not neutral either. COPA [/QUOTE]
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