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Family of Origin
Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 673801" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I did not put this in in the earlier post because I thought it was catty: M's sister can have a certain beauty to her <em>sometimes</em>. But she was never a beauty. She is dumpy. And frumpy. Her stomach is big. </p><p></p><p>The thing is this: It has nothing at all to do with how you look. We were wrong, always, Cedar. Looking for that one tiny defect that would destroy us, destroy the reflection upon which we gazed. It was all of the other stuff. The inability to reflect upon ourselves objectively, or G-d forbid admiringly or with kindness and love, for what it would mean. </p><p></p><p>That children's book: The places we could go. We would go. If we reflected upon ourselves with permission and with consent. That we only be ourselves. I do not even know what the words are.</p><p></p><p>We preferred to tunnel to China with our stories about what was missing, what needed to be fixed or better...that to give ourselves permission to be OK.</p><p></p><p>Once I did not go to the first day of a job, because my hair was bad. Imagine that: I needed a job. I did not go. Because of a bad hair day. It was in the times of the Watergate hearings. A bartender had called to tel me about a waitress job in a very good house, where he worked. I stood them up.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 673801, member: 18958"] I did not put this in in the earlier post because I thought it was catty: M's sister can have a certain beauty to her [I]sometimes[/I]. But she was never a beauty. She is dumpy. And frumpy. Her stomach is big. The thing is this: It has nothing at all to do with how you look. We were wrong, always, Cedar. Looking for that one tiny defect that would destroy us, destroy the reflection upon which we gazed. It was all of the other stuff. The inability to reflect upon ourselves objectively, or G-d forbid admiringly or with kindness and love, for what it would mean. That children's book: The places we could go. We would go. If we reflected upon ourselves with permission and with consent. That we only be ourselves. I do not even know what the words are. We preferred to tunnel to China with our stories about what was missing, what needed to be fixed or better...that to give ourselves permission to be OK. Once I did not go to the first day of a job, because my hair was bad. Imagine that: I needed a job. I did not go. Because of a bad hair day. It was in the times of the Watergate hearings. A bartender had called to tel me about a waitress job in a very good house, where he worked. I stood them up. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
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