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Family of Origin
Work and Germany Part II: Abandonment Recovery
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 673803" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>M said something very astute today.</p><p></p><p>Many times I have approached him with questions that I cannot resolve. Important ones. </p><p></p><p>For example, we spend more than comes in each month. Because of my buying. There would be enough if I did not buy stuff. There is enough stuff. Believe me. I do not need anything else</p><p></p><p>So the two questions were these: Do I apply for social security now? Or do I wait, and get bigger benefits. </p><p></p><p>My mother always believed it was unwise to wait. That to receive a higher benefit, you forfeited a great deal of money. And in the long run it did not pay to wait, past 65 or whatever the full age is for a given individual. Me, I was always dazzled by the bigger number.</p><p></p><p>Until I read an article, by Social Security, that set out the numbers. The reality is that there is virtually no difference. Social Security is not giving anything for free. </p><p></p><p>Yet even reading this I could not decide. So together M and I decided I would wait until my next birthday. </p><p></p><p>The other question was paying off the mortgage, which is very low. If I lived fairly frugally, I would not have to pay it off. The reason to pay it off was to have the security of doing so, but my mind tells me that at a low interest rate, it is not necessary. That the money invested is the most proactive thing to do.</p><p></p><p>So I told M: If I got control of my spending, I do not have to pay off the mortgage. Not only will there be more money. I will feel more secure because I will feel more control. I will see myself taking care of myself rather than undermining myself.</p><p></p><p>He said: There is something I do not understand. (I always clench my teeth waiting what will come next.)</p><p></p><p>You have done so many things, achieved so much, when the circumstances were not fully in your control. You wanted them. You achieved them. Without help. You needed help. You needed consent. You needed opportunities that you did not have. But you achieved anyway. You did it anyway. Big, big things.</p><p></p><p>And here you are, in full and complete control over deciding to stop buying or limit buying, and you feel you are out of control, that you are not responsible.</p><p></p><p>I do not understand that. Do you?</p><p></p><p>Well, the answer is no. Not fully. But I know this is part of it: I have always been great when I am losing. When I am the down and out who is fighting to survive. When the odds are against me. When I am a lost cause. </p><p></p><p>I am not so good when I am the favorite. Am I trying to claw my way to China...where I know nobody and have nothing? To escape a life of good fortune. Right here.</p><p></p><p>Can I tolerate being in the winner's circle? Accepting that I have enough. I am enough. I did enough. Just be. Good enough. </p><p></p><p>That is the question.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 673803, member: 18958"] M said something very astute today. Many times I have approached him with questions that I cannot resolve. Important ones. For example, we spend more than comes in each month. Because of my buying. There would be enough if I did not buy stuff. There is enough stuff. Believe me. I do not need anything else So the two questions were these: Do I apply for social security now? Or do I wait, and get bigger benefits. My mother always believed it was unwise to wait. That to receive a higher benefit, you forfeited a great deal of money. And in the long run it did not pay to wait, past 65 or whatever the full age is for a given individual. Me, I was always dazzled by the bigger number. Until I read an article, by Social Security, that set out the numbers. The reality is that there is virtually no difference. Social Security is not giving anything for free. Yet even reading this I could not decide. So together M and I decided I would wait until my next birthday. The other question was paying off the mortgage, which is very low. If I lived fairly frugally, I would not have to pay it off. The reason to pay it off was to have the security of doing so, but my mind tells me that at a low interest rate, it is not necessary. That the money invested is the most proactive thing to do. So I told M: If I got control of my spending, I do not have to pay off the mortgage. Not only will there be more money. I will feel more secure because I will feel more control. I will see myself taking care of myself rather than undermining myself. He said: There is something I do not understand. (I always clench my teeth waiting what will come next.) You have done so many things, achieved so much, when the circumstances were not fully in your control. You wanted them. You achieved them. Without help. You needed help. You needed consent. You needed opportunities that you did not have. But you achieved anyway. You did it anyway. Big, big things. And here you are, in full and complete control over deciding to stop buying or limit buying, and you feel you are out of control, that you are not responsible. I do not understand that. Do you? Well, the answer is no. Not fully. But I know this is part of it: I have always been great when I am losing. When I am the down and out who is fighting to survive. When the odds are against me. When I am a lost cause. I am not so good when I am the favorite. Am I trying to claw my way to China...where I know nobody and have nothing? To escape a life of good fortune. Right here. Can I tolerate being in the winner's circle? Accepting that I have enough. I am enough. I did enough. Just be. Good enough. That is the question. COPA [/QUOTE]
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