Worried again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi everyone,

    Well I talked to the folks at the sober house today. They were affiliated with the rehab....I still don't know what happened with the closing of the rehab but it doesn't sound good and makes me think something was off with the owner!!! Ugh ugh ugh. The sober house folks sound good and committed and the therapists from the rehab are continuing services to the guys which is good. Still it feels a little iffy to me.

    And my son sounds a little iffy too. Still misses home, and when he says that I don't think he means us, I think he means friends and the girl back here. He is having a hard time moving forward and they are worried and frustrated with him too. Sounds like they want to take a harder stand with him, you know you need to move forward to become a productive member of society or give your bed to someone else. I agree with this basically. I am wondering if we need to cut down our financial support to add pressure for him to get a job. I told them if he moved back here we would not pay rent unless he went to a sober house.... and if thats what he wants to do he needs to find the sober house. I do not want to find it for him otherwise if he doesn't like it he will blame me. So they are talking to the therapist and will hopefully all be on the same page and come up with a plan. I am thankful there are folks working with him and helping him but it just leaves me worried. I had hoped by now he would have a job and doing something... this hanging out doing nothing is not good for him or his recovery. I have a feeling it won't be long before we will need to take another tough stand with him. Ugh.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh ugh ugh. Doesn't make me feel good either. I've had that feeling plenty of times. I'm sorry. I wish we lived closer.

  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry. I absolutely know about rollercoaster living but it must be so hard when you really think you have reason to hope and then have to go back to the Serenity Prayer. I'm thinking of you. DDD
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

  5. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Stay strong- I think it's harder sometimes waiting for the other shoe to drop than it is dealing with the situation when it finally happens.
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sorry things aren't going as well as you had hoped. Stick to your guns about not helping him out with rent unless he's in a soberhouse. You don't want to use it to manipulate the situation, but you want him to know you will only help if he's making the right choices and if he chooses to leave a soberhouse and live somewhere else, then that is his choice to figure out.

    I hope he gets more serious about it for your sake and his.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I just wanted to add my support! Hugs and love. Sometimes just knowing you have friends behind you that understand can make a huge difference. They don't have to have any answers - just be there for you.

  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Offering support and sending hugs.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Give us an update toughlovin.

  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    It helps a whole lot to know you are all out there and you really understand, you know I don't have to explain my feelings because you all get it. Nancy I haven't updated because I really don't have any more info! I guess I am relaxing a bit because in a sense no news is good news. My husband did text him this morning and got a short text back which sounded ok. I just texted him that we heard about the changes but we would love to hear his thoughts. We will see if we hear from him! Meanwhile I am trying to think about what I want out of my life and to focus less on him. Easier said than done!
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers. So hoping he pulls it together!
  13. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Hang in there TL, we're all behind you!
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am going through a lot of the same, trying to focus on myself and deciding how I want the next phase of my life to be. Once difficult child was out of the house it took me quite a while to adjust to that and then I had to decide what to do with all my extra time from driving her back and forth everywhere to being housebound and babysitting a 19 yo. I'm still working that through but it is starting to fall into place for me. I hope with all my heart that my difficult child can find a job while still living at the sober house and go right into her own place upon leaving. I know if she comes back home we will just fall into the same old patterns.

    I hope your difficult child is making some progress in his journey.