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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 667569" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Bethe, welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for the reasons you are here, but please know this is a place of support, encouragement, and ideas---ideas to help YOU cope and thrive in particular.</p><p></p><p>Most of us have been through the same painful, grief-filled situations with our beloved sons and daughters here. </p><p></p><p>There are so many stories, but the basics are usually the same. </p><p></p><p>And it comes down to this: how do we go on when our precious children (and grandchildren in your case) are lost? Lost to themselves or lost to us?</p><p></p><p>It's so hard. Clearly, you have spent years dealing with your son's choices, and now your granddaughter's death.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your grief and your pain.</p><p></p><p>Looking at my own experience, my grief was a part of my recovery process. I had to give in to it in order to get through it.</p><p></p><p>It lasted for a long, long time, a couple of years, about my son's choices, but over time, well before he started doing better, it started to subside. And in its place was a new clarity and a sense of detachment with love.</p><p></p><p>That is what I had been working toward, and finally it started to happen.</p><p></p><p>It did take work, and daily effort, going to Al-Anon, getting a sponsor, taking advantage of special seminars and workshops, writing in a journal, filling my mind with recovery thinking, learning about boundaries and detachment and being separate from other people. It took a lot of work around the idea of acceptance...first of myself, and then of other people, and letting go of the "Cinderella stories" I had in my own mind.</p><p></p><p>Bethe, we can help you here with all of that if you haven't started the process already.</p><p></p><p>Sadness and deep grief are so hard, because it's hard to function in the middle of that. I think we have to change our schedules for a time, to accommodate the fatigue and to make time to feel the feelings of grief. </p><p></p><p>Please share with us, if you'd like to, how you are doing, and how we can help. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for the losses you have suffered in your life. Warm hugs for you this morning. We are here for you, and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 667569, member: 17542"] Bethe, welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for the reasons you are here, but please know this is a place of support, encouragement, and ideas---ideas to help YOU cope and thrive in particular. Most of us have been through the same painful, grief-filled situations with our beloved sons and daughters here. There are so many stories, but the basics are usually the same. And it comes down to this: how do we go on when our precious children (and grandchildren in your case) are lost? Lost to themselves or lost to us? It's so hard. Clearly, you have spent years dealing with your son's choices, and now your granddaughter's death. I am so sorry for your grief and your pain. Looking at my own experience, my grief was a part of my recovery process. I had to give in to it in order to get through it. It lasted for a long, long time, a couple of years, about my son's choices, but over time, well before he started doing better, it started to subside. And in its place was a new clarity and a sense of detachment with love. That is what I had been working toward, and finally it started to happen. It did take work, and daily effort, going to Al-Anon, getting a sponsor, taking advantage of special seminars and workshops, writing in a journal, filling my mind with recovery thinking, learning about boundaries and detachment and being separate from other people. It took a lot of work around the idea of acceptance...first of myself, and then of other people, and letting go of the "Cinderella stories" I had in my own mind. Bethe, we can help you here with all of that if you haven't started the process already. Sadness and deep grief are so hard, because it's hard to function in the middle of that. I think we have to change our schedules for a time, to accommodate the fatigue and to make time to feel the feelings of grief. Please share with us, if you'd like to, how you are doing, and how we can help. I am so sorry for the losses you have suffered in your life. Warm hugs for you this morning. We are here for you, and we care. [/QUOTE]
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