Worry and hope...

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

Today has been a struggle for me. I havent heard from difficult child since he called on Tuesday saying he was defeaated... he never called me back for the number of my friends son. He did do one post on FB but nothing since. I am having a hard time not having any idea of where he is... and no cell phone to check the records of etc. It has kind of been driving me nuts today... which makes me feel pretty unmotivated. I don't want to be back in the place where I am obsessed with him, but a day at home relaxing is turning intto that somewhat.

I finally called the friend... who actually called yesterday when I wasn't home to see what was happening. Talking to him helped. His comment was that when he was that age (and older) once he found a source and a way to get high he did not call home.. He only called when he couldnt find anything and felt desperate. He commented that drug addicts are very resourceful!! It was just good to talk to him and to feel I have someone there in the area who knows what is what and who I can send my son to for help... and take me out of the loop of trying to figure things out. And really I think my son hasn't called because this time I didn't jump in and find him an answer... I did not rescue him.

So it is hard. But talking to my friend gives me hope... he was a heroin addict for 27 years, spent time in prison and has been through it all. Now he is sober, working and doing well. Hopefully it wont take as long for my difficult child to get it together but it does give me hope that it IS possible and I need that hope right now.

TL

 

[AmericanGirl]

TL,

I'm so sorry. I know that awful feeling when you know NOTHING but your mind runs wild. Thankfully, your friend is there and is available to help you and your son.

Know I am praying for you all. Praying that you find serenity and peace. Praying that your son can open his heart to the help out there available for him.

 

[Nancy]

It's so hard when we don't hear from them and are left wondering and worrying. I believe what your friend says about only hearing from him when he's desperate. I know the streets are a very frightening place TL, but he is very resourceful and we have to believe and hope and pray that he is a survivor and will take care of himself and when his back is up against the wall he knows your number. Our difficult child's know we have unconditional love for them and all they have to do is stretch out that hand and we will grab it. The worst part is the waiting.

I hope you get through these uncertain times and come to some peace. I have had to tell myself over and over that my difficult child is living her life the way she wants to right now. She knows there is a different, better way but for now she wants it her way and I can't make her want anything different.

Hugs my friend,
Nancy

 

[recoveringenabler]

TL, I'm sorry you're feeling that struggle, I know how that feels too. Sending hugs for your wounded heart and hoping your son connects with you soon.

 

[exhausted]

TL,
I too am praying. I hope your boy is ok. The worry can be unbearable. I try to tell myself that difficult child always comes out the other side. Your friend is right.
They are resourceful. It is hard for us to believe because they try to get us to do things for them that they can do themselves. I hope you have some peace today
And can do what you need to for yourself. (((Hugs)))

 

[Calamity Jane]

TL,
You're such a great mom - I wish you had some calm and peace right now. Please know I'm sending supportive, caring Hugs your way - hope you hear from him soon.

 

[lovemysons]

Hi TL,

Was just thinking about you and hoping you are not obsessing about your son...although I can certainly understand the worry too. But I think your friend is right about addicts being VERY resourceful.

Also am so glad that this friend will be the middle-man between you and son.
I just found out from my daughter in law (as she visited my young difficult child today) that when young difficult child comes home in December he will be on an ankle bracelet, have to attend AA, and be drug tested once a week.
So I also will have a "middle man" so to speak that takes me out of the loop. What a relief.

In any event...I am hoping you do at least get a reasurring phone call soon.
Meanwhile, take good care of yourself.
LMS

 

[toughlovin]

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. He is definitely on my mind and i have not heard from him. However husband and i went to the movies today...chick flick really "For a good time call"....it was very funny, i thouroughly enjoyed it and a great distraction.

TL

 

[toughlovin]

Well i still havent heard from...and i have been haunted all week by the idea that he could be dead somewhere and we would not know it. I went walking with a friend yesterday who pointed out that he has been arrested and so his fingerprints are in the system... That helped a bit. Then i went to my alanon meeting last night and talked about faith.and what that means. Someone pointed out that she made a shift, she didnt have faith that her son would get better but that she had faith that she would get through whatever happens. That was helpful to me...to keep focusing on my life instead of all the whatifs.

Then i came back and checked FB...i had actually posted on his wall to call me...no response to that but he did give a response to another friend of his. So now i know he saw my post to call and he is choosing not to! So he is choosing right now to continue being homeless or whatever he is doing. As Nancy says heis choosing to live this way and i am sitting here worrying?

So i know he is alive and it is time for me to detach as much as i can for now...

TL

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I shut difficult children phone off and I honestly have no idea if she is dead or alive. She has posted nothing on Facebook and for some reason, she wants nothing to do with me. It has been sort of a blessing in disguise because I am dealing with this illness right now and really don't need the added stress of her antics.

Time to really let go and focus on what is in front of you. This is why he needs to do the work of finding a program. They need to invest the time and energy, not us...(((HUGS)))

 

[Tiredof33]

It is very stressful not hearing from them, we would be heartless is we did not care. My difficult child was posting on facebook last week that he was suicidal. Very scary, in addition I was attending the funeral of a male cousin that DID committ suicide. I have no way to contact him either.

I have been busy this week with yard work. Try very hard to detach - and remind yourself - as I have to do quite a bit - it is out of our conrtol.

I live close to Ft. Stewart and if you have seen the news with the killing of a 19yo just out of the Army and his 17yo girlfriend, 4 young men are facing the death penalty, one of the wives is facing charges. 5 more were arrested this week (two brothers). Sad news, but it made me think there is hope for our difficult children, these parents have none.

If he needs you he will contact you.
(((huggs)))

 

[Calamity Jane]

TL,
He knows you love him very much. For whatever reason, known only to him, he's not choosing wisely right now. But I maintain that since he knows how much you care, and that you're willing to provide him with the means to get help, he will contact you again when he has a moment of clarity. (sigh) just wish we knew when that moment of clarity will arrive...Hugs.

 

[Srcsweet2]

I feel helpless but try to stay hopeful ...its so hard as we worry ...stress and wonder where we went wrong ...I know what you are feeling my son is moving out of his apartment as I type this and will be homeless ..he is not willing to admit his life is falling apart because of his actions and drug use ...so now I wait and pray ...I need to not have contact with him since he just cons me out of money or lays guilt trips on me ...these message boards and online resources have given me the strength to realize that I need to do this for me ..and pray that he finds his way to rehab ...I know it is hard but try to think of yourself ...