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Substance Abuse
worst nightmare confirmed,every criminal has a mother
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 631391" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Others have given great advice. I would have advised him to either go to the cops or a lawyer and give them the guys bag. Given his drug use, it is doubtful he would follow that or any other advice you give him. You cannot reason with an addict and until it is bad enough that your son realizes he needs rehab, that won't really help him. I don't think he is there. I think he just wanted you to be upset so that you will continue to help him.</p><p></p><p>You have only one way to know your son is lying - when he is speaking. The odds that he has told you the whole truth rather than lies or lies and half truths is exactly 0%. </p><p></p><p>What you can do about this situation is nothing, really. Yes, you worry, but you cannot fix it. You didn't cause it, cannot cure it and all the worrying only destroys your life, heart and health.</p><p></p><p>You NEED to find your own alanon meetings for support. Your husband means well but is as unable to cope with all of this as you are. You cannot make him (husband) more able to cope, but you can insist he stop 'cutting at you'. That doesn't help you or him, and only hurts you both and your marriage. </p><p></p><p>Please read the books suggested above, and find some help from alanon, naranon, and a therapist. Trust me, you need an expert to help you with this just as much as your son needs experts to help him with his addiction and legal problems.</p><p></p><p>As for wondering if things would be different if you had gotten him help for the pot use in the past, that helps no one. Beating yourself up and asking "what if I??" only serves to keep you upset. Maya Angelou said it best when she said "you did the best you could at the time, and when you knew better you did better" (not exact quote, but close, might have been Iyanla Vanzant but I think it was Angelou, sorry if I got it wrong). </p><p></p><p>My mom also said something that I think many of us need to hear: You never woke up and asked yourself, "How can I mess up my kid the most and worst today?", so stop beating yourself up and focus on the good things and the things you CAN do." I think that is likely one of the most profound things I have heard, even if it did come from my own mom. It sure applies to this situation. </p><p></p><p>Your son's problems are HIS problems, not yours. You didn't put the drugs in his body, you didn't force him to do anything criminal. You would not attempt to perform surgery on any part of him, and you should not attempt to fix his addiction or his legal issues with this criminal situation. HE did those things, HE is an adult, and HE has to both figure out how to cope with those things and WANT to cope with them. </p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 631391, member: 1233"] Others have given great advice. I would have advised him to either go to the cops or a lawyer and give them the guys bag. Given his drug use, it is doubtful he would follow that or any other advice you give him. You cannot reason with an addict and until it is bad enough that your son realizes he needs rehab, that won't really help him. I don't think he is there. I think he just wanted you to be upset so that you will continue to help him. You have only one way to know your son is lying - when he is speaking. The odds that he has told you the whole truth rather than lies or lies and half truths is exactly 0%. What you can do about this situation is nothing, really. Yes, you worry, but you cannot fix it. You didn't cause it, cannot cure it and all the worrying only destroys your life, heart and health. You NEED to find your own alanon meetings for support. Your husband means well but is as unable to cope with all of this as you are. You cannot make him (husband) more able to cope, but you can insist he stop 'cutting at you'. That doesn't help you or him, and only hurts you both and your marriage. Please read the books suggested above, and find some help from alanon, naranon, and a therapist. Trust me, you need an expert to help you with this just as much as your son needs experts to help him with his addiction and legal problems. As for wondering if things would be different if you had gotten him help for the pot use in the past, that helps no one. Beating yourself up and asking "what if I??" only serves to keep you upset. Maya Angelou said it best when she said "you did the best you could at the time, and when you knew better you did better" (not exact quote, but close, might have been Iyanla Vanzant but I think it was Angelou, sorry if I got it wrong). My mom also said something that I think many of us need to hear: You never woke up and asked yourself, "How can I mess up my kid the most and worst today?", so stop beating yourself up and focus on the good things and the things you CAN do." I think that is likely one of the most profound things I have heard, even if it did come from my own mom. It sure applies to this situation. Your son's problems are HIS problems, not yours. You didn't put the drugs in his body, you didn't force him to do anything criminal. You would not attempt to perform surgery on any part of him, and you should not attempt to fix his addiction or his legal issues with this criminal situation. HE did those things, HE is an adult, and HE has to both figure out how to cope with those things and WANT to cope with them. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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worst nightmare confirmed,every criminal has a mother
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