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Would he be happier, if...
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 651062" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>MWM: In the way your Sonic has fuelled these thoughts. Our sons are of course very different young men but he sounds so content and successful young man. And mine is so very much struggling. But it can be, that it is, who they are. My son never had content or happy disposition, though he was much happier person when he was a young child than he is now. Maybe he simply is way to intense to really be content and happy. Let's face it, I don't have particularly content disposition, my parents certainly didn't have, neither had my grandparents or their parents. And what I know about Ache's biological father, content or happy are not the words to describe him. That Ache's dad and brother has that, doesn't mean Ache could ever have it. If it is in anyway genetic instead of learned, Ache is out of luck. And even if it is learned, I certainly have not modelled laid back and content attitude to him.</p><p></p><p>Social side is what my son struggles in being pro athlete. In the field is his safe place, problems start off it. A pro athlete needs a lot of self discipline, executive skills and social skills that are difficult for him. Individual athlete has to be a real self starter but even a team athlete has major part of their responsibilities they have to do on their own. They are given exercise programs (or at least suggestions, often especially later in career they are expected to figure out their own way of doing things that compliments their specific, personal needs) and are educated about nutrition and life habits, but of course they are the one who makes a every day decisions and pays the price of eating that hamburger and fries instead of chicken pasta (that one is especially slippy slope, because especially when young and till certain point they get away of it. Until they do not and it shows in their performance or they are publicly shamed for their conditioning.) Punctuality, neatness, being quick and efficient in everything is their gospel. I know I would have big problems if after a game (and I do play 'competitive' (as in, we do have games that have a referee and scores are kept and league has standings) handball) I would need to first deal with press, then take off my equipment, pack them up (in the only way they go to the space allowed), do stretching, have icepacks for injuries bundled to me (after waiting that medical trainer has time for me) etc., take a shower, dry myself, put on street clothes, have a dinner somewhere on the facility, meet and have quick chat with my friends on the other team, make a laundry bundle (everyone has a cord with their name and they have to attach everything personal going into the laundry to it so that they stay together and service has an easy time telling whose under shirt etc. it is), pack rest of the stuff, pack it into the bus and be in the bus ready to go less than forty minutes after the game ended. It is a well oiled machine, but you really do not have time to dawdle or be less than organize to make it.</p><p></p><p>Self discipline gets especially tested with team athletes when they are injured (and injuries are regular event for any pro player.) That is when you lose your structure and social circle. You are usually alone in the city there you only really know your team mates and after the injury you see your team mates seldolmly. You do meet team physiotherapist, massage therapists, trainers frequently, you are given advice how to rehab your injury, you may even have a trainer or physiotherapist to help you and and keep an eye on you every now and then. But mostly you are all alone, with some elderly ladies, in your local swimming hall doing endless, boring the tears laps of deep water running or some other rehabing exercise. And cheating even the smallest bit can cause you a new injury and eventually your career. You quickly become a stranger in your team, outsider, not part of the core any more. For many it is extremely taxing and mentally stressful part of being an athlete. And almost none escape from it.</p><p></p><p>Then there are social skills. Individual athletes sometimes have little easier time, sometimes not (when you travel, train, compete against and share a room with someone 200 or even 300 days a year, it kind of hoovers if you do not learn to get along) but team athletes have to survive in very complicated social situation. First things first, your team mates are really not on the same side with you in every way. They are also your biggest competitors. But you have to act like they were your buddies. Balancing self interest and team interest is very difficult task, but if you are not able to do it, you are either not competitive and will be out or you are consider a locker room cancer and are likely out (if you are not good enough.) Any team athlete will always tell the media and fans how great team they have, how well they get along and how nice everyone is. That is in most cases pure BS. Usually there are cliques, rough pecking order, someone is outcast and some people don't even talk to each other. If it stays some way in control it is considered a good situation. Fist fights in locker rooms and after bar nights are anything but unheard off. Most of the time, there are bullies. But everyone just tries to hang in there for the good of the team. It doesn't help, that they have to spend so much time in so tight quarters. Then there are coachability. Ability to please your coach, ability to evolve to the direction they need you to, for the good of the team. And at the same time make sure, that you are not sold short by trying to make you, a square peg, to go into a round hole, because team needed a round peg they didn't have.</p><p></p><p>And then there are fans and media. And living in the situation, where you are recognized when you are in you local supermarket making groceries. And people look what you buy and if there is a case of beer in your shopping cart, next thing you know, there is rumour going on, that you are an alcoholic/your bad play week ago was because you were hangovered or something like that. And it is not just alcohol, fatty foods or candy can be something you hear rumours later too. And heaven forbid, if you are some time grumpy at public. Stories going around can get very wild even if the situation in question wasn't much anything. And when someone writes it into some message board, it changes to "the truth" of your character.</p><p></p><p>It is a high stress lifestyle with lots of going on, that people do not see.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 651062, member: 14557"] MWM: In the way your Sonic has fuelled these thoughts. Our sons are of course very different young men but he sounds so content and successful young man. And mine is so very much struggling. But it can be, that it is, who they are. My son never had content or happy disposition, though he was much happier person when he was a young child than he is now. Maybe he simply is way to intense to really be content and happy. Let's face it, I don't have particularly content disposition, my parents certainly didn't have, neither had my grandparents or their parents. And what I know about Ache's biological father, content or happy are not the words to describe him. That Ache's dad and brother has that, doesn't mean Ache could ever have it. If it is in anyway genetic instead of learned, Ache is out of luck. And even if it is learned, I certainly have not modelled laid back and content attitude to him. Social side is what my son struggles in being pro athlete. In the field is his safe place, problems start off it. A pro athlete needs a lot of self discipline, executive skills and social skills that are difficult for him. Individual athlete has to be a real self starter but even a team athlete has major part of their responsibilities they have to do on their own. They are given exercise programs (or at least suggestions, often especially later in career they are expected to figure out their own way of doing things that compliments their specific, personal needs) and are educated about nutrition and life habits, but of course they are the one who makes a every day decisions and pays the price of eating that hamburger and fries instead of chicken pasta (that one is especially slippy slope, because especially when young and till certain point they get away of it. Until they do not and it shows in their performance or they are publicly shamed for their conditioning.) Punctuality, neatness, being quick and efficient in everything is their gospel. I know I would have big problems if after a game (and I do play 'competitive' (as in, we do have games that have a referee and scores are kept and league has standings) handball) I would need to first deal with press, then take off my equipment, pack them up (in the only way they go to the space allowed), do stretching, have icepacks for injuries bundled to me (after waiting that medical trainer has time for me) etc., take a shower, dry myself, put on street clothes, have a dinner somewhere on the facility, meet and have quick chat with my friends on the other team, make a laundry bundle (everyone has a cord with their name and they have to attach everything personal going into the laundry to it so that they stay together and service has an easy time telling whose under shirt etc. it is), pack rest of the stuff, pack it into the bus and be in the bus ready to go less than forty minutes after the game ended. It is a well oiled machine, but you really do not have time to dawdle or be less than organize to make it. Self discipline gets especially tested with team athletes when they are injured (and injuries are regular event for any pro player.) That is when you lose your structure and social circle. You are usually alone in the city there you only really know your team mates and after the injury you see your team mates seldolmly. You do meet team physiotherapist, massage therapists, trainers frequently, you are given advice how to rehab your injury, you may even have a trainer or physiotherapist to help you and and keep an eye on you every now and then. But mostly you are all alone, with some elderly ladies, in your local swimming hall doing endless, boring the tears laps of deep water running or some other rehabing exercise. And cheating even the smallest bit can cause you a new injury and eventually your career. You quickly become a stranger in your team, outsider, not part of the core any more. For many it is extremely taxing and mentally stressful part of being an athlete. And almost none escape from it. Then there are social skills. Individual athletes sometimes have little easier time, sometimes not (when you travel, train, compete against and share a room with someone 200 or even 300 days a year, it kind of hoovers if you do not learn to get along) but team athletes have to survive in very complicated social situation. First things first, your team mates are really not on the same side with you in every way. They are also your biggest competitors. But you have to act like they were your buddies. Balancing self interest and team interest is very difficult task, but if you are not able to do it, you are either not competitive and will be out or you are consider a locker room cancer and are likely out (if you are not good enough.) Any team athlete will always tell the media and fans how great team they have, how well they get along and how nice everyone is. That is in most cases pure BS. Usually there are cliques, rough pecking order, someone is outcast and some people don't even talk to each other. If it stays some way in control it is considered a good situation. Fist fights in locker rooms and after bar nights are anything but unheard off. Most of the time, there are bullies. But everyone just tries to hang in there for the good of the team. It doesn't help, that they have to spend so much time in so tight quarters. Then there are coachability. Ability to please your coach, ability to evolve to the direction they need you to, for the good of the team. And at the same time make sure, that you are not sold short by trying to make you, a square peg, to go into a round hole, because team needed a round peg they didn't have. And then there are fans and media. And living in the situation, where you are recognized when you are in you local supermarket making groceries. And people look what you buy and if there is a case of beer in your shopping cart, next thing you know, there is rumour going on, that you are an alcoholic/your bad play week ago was because you were hangovered or something like that. And it is not just alcohol, fatty foods or candy can be something you hear rumours later too. And heaven forbid, if you are some time grumpy at public. Stories going around can get very wild even if the situation in question wasn't much anything. And when someone writes it into some message board, it changes to "the truth" of your character. It is a high stress lifestyle with lots of going on, that people do not see. [/QUOTE]
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