Would S. kiss up to ex because of his money?

[BusynMember]

I am in Chicago this weekend and on the hotel computer.
Julie, my pastry chef, and Jumper are here with me and Julie brought up something very interesting.
Seems that S., the child who decided we were all abusive to him and never looked back at any of us except his father, is apparently at least moderately active in his father's life, at least now. He will not even speak to anyone else, but he did go shopping with ex to help him pick out a computer and he set it up for him. Ex is not tech savvy. He has done many favors like this for ex, although he won't speak to his brothers or his sisters or me.
Julie, Jumper and I were talking about today as we had our girl's day out (it was lots of fun!) Anyhow, we were driving and talking a bit about S. and ex and how S. will do things for ex. Julie said, "Well, Dad is getting older."
I didn't understand what she meant at first. He is 66 and does have a medical condition so is not in the best of health.

Julie said, "Mom, he probably wants some of the money. The inheritance."
I thought about that. Ex has inherited a good amount of money and was threatening to cut S. out because S. did not call or contact him for three years, but it drove my ex nuts. S. is his favorite by far and he did try to contact him, although not as often as I did. Anyhow it worked for ex, just not me. I did not even consider that it could be because of ex's money. He has a lot. I don't have much of anything. But S. has money too. He has his own company and, according to his words and his lifestyle, has over a million. "He has enough himself," I told Julie.

She said, "Mom, maybe he wants more."

I had never considered that before. He always made so much money it never occurred to me that maybe he was giving ex attention because he didn't want to be left out of his will. It's not a pretty thought and I don't know if it's even true, but it was the first time I considered it, mostly because I know S. is doing just fine monetarily on his own. But maybe her idea is true. After all, S. was angry at ex too. And everyone tried to talk to S., but he only responded to ex. He was very cold to everyone else.

His favoritism for S. drives his other two kids, Sportsfan in Missouri and Julie, nuts and it makes Julie feel terrible. Her boyfriend offered to set up ex's computer. It's his field and he could have done it. But ex worships S. and probably felt he could do a better job. Julie said she felt bad for her SO and he didn't understand why his offer was rebuffed. Actually, ex got S. to set it up on the sly. He didn't tell the other two that S. was going to do it, but she went to his place and there was his computer and ex has no idea how to set up a rather complicated, touch screen computer.

So now I'm wondering if the money issue is just one other reason why S. will interact with ex, but not anybody else. Also ex is a Christian and the rest of us are more spiritual, but we aren't Christian. Ex even goes to S's church. Hard to tell what makes S. tick, but every so often his name still comes up, especially when I'm with Julie, and I contemplate this issue again. Money...never crossed my mind considering how often S. brags about all he has. And I believe he does have what he says he has.

 

[Hound dog]

From your posts on S, I gathered he was materialistic long ago. Just an overall impression of his personality. Doesn't surprise me his sibs came to this conclusion, and they're most likely right.

Given S's humble beginnings.......people have been known to overcompensate, as in believing that money/materialistic things equal their security and self worth. Therefore, you can never have enough of either. Know what I mean?? As successful as S is it is never going to be enough. He will always need more in order to continue to feel secure in his "new Life".

A sad existence really.

 

[susiestar]

I am sure that S would stay in contact if he can get $$ at some point. Given the ex-S relationship, S may talk his way into getting most or all of the $$. He is likely the exector an will have control of the estate fora t least a while, and that gives more money and power.

Having ex go to S's church means that S is acceptable while the rest of you are heathens. NOT in reality, but in the reality that S and ex share.

It IS a sad life, because when you measure worth in money, you never feel as though you truly deserve good things, and you cannot recognize that the things that truly make life meaningful have little to do with money.

 

[BusynMember]

Thanks for the feedback, Lisa and Sus.

He is the executor with my daughter so she will be there to make sure it's fair and ex has said over and over again that he is dividing it all three ways, equally. I believe him. He's fair that way. Whether S. will try to pull a fast one, I don't know. I hope my ex lives another twenty years...but I know the kids worry about him because he doesn't look well. But he has never looked well. His condition makes it impossible for him to gain weight and he is always cold when nobody else is. Doesn't mean he's leaving us anytime soon...

S. is extremely needful of showing off how exceptional he is. He was gifted with a brain that is far brighter than average and has worked very hard all of his life to make sure he got ahead. I do think part of that is to tell the world "See? I'm better than you!" And I'm sure he wouldn't turn down a little more money from his father.

Yes, Sus, the church is important to S. He's beyond just a Christian. He's a Christian who believes most Christians aren't Christian enough or Christians at all. Since ex became more Christian since we divorced, and goes to his church, which he does deem Christian enough, maybe that is a factor as well. We will never know for sure. The only one who will ever really know is S. He is very private. He won't talk to ex about it.

 

[1905]

I say, "Yes". He would do that based on the kind of person he has become. I hope your ex lives a long time.

 

[DDD]

He may be hoping to get money for his church. He is an odd one, for sure. Glad you guys had fun together! DDD