Would you say anything?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Jul 12, 2011.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I think I know the answer to this, but I want other thoughts...

    If you got wind that your could-be-violent-and-destructive and frequently unemployed ex was looking to rent a house from a friend, would you say anything to the friend?
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O HECK yes!

    But you'd want to be veeeerrryyyy diplomatic about it.
  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'd definitely speak up too!
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Agreed, I'd say yes but be diplomatic. I had a similar situation years ago where some well-meaning friends offered to rent Oldest a room in their basement. I told them that it was a very kind offer, but to please understand that Oldest had a lot of umm "issues," and that I didn't think she could afford the rent, if it didn't work out, to please not hold it against *me.* They rented her the room anyway, and I don't think she ever paid them a cent of rent. It was pretty awkward.
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Friend - you know I trust you and I hope you trust me. I heard something I'm really concerned about. Now you know I'm probably not the most rational about DEX, but I understand he's thinking about renting your house. I'm concerned because there have been a few problems in the past with unemployment and destructiveness, and I just thought I'd let you know.

    Don't argue... If friend argues, you can say... Well, sometimes people change. I figured you'd like any information, but you know, ultimately it's up to you.

    If they rent to him? They were warned, and will remember later. If this changes their mind...
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Really? I'd have thought the answer would be no...

    If it were my child, it would be easier, but being ex....well, most everyone dogs on their ex, so I really don't like speaking up about anything that isn't directly related to my time there. lol

    When his then-girlfriend called me, though, several years ago, to ask me about the arrangements with the kids (she was beginning to question his stories about me, quite frankly)...I desperately wanted to tell her RUN! RUN AWAY!...but I declined to comment. And then I gave her exMIL's number, and exMIL gave her an earfull, and then told her to RUN! RUN AWAY!
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, and argue about it? No way. I just know that whackjob has no job, and DEX does not have a good work history. And that 3 weeks ago, whackjob was at exMIL's tearfully saying her last goodbyes because DEX threw them out, and now they are super-lovey and engaged again. That's what I know first hand.

    I saw on FB that she's getting booted out of the house they're in now.

    And exMIL says the sheetrock where they live now is full of holes that she or DEX have put there from either hitting the walls, each other, or throwing things, and they are about as stable as a 4 legged table missing 3 legs, and that she has been using public and private assitance to pay their bills (rent, utilities, etc) for quite some time, appealing to churches, etc. And that the place they are renting is beyond their budget, and is half of what friend's house is renting for...

    Friend is not a really close friend, but is a friend, and is very nice person. I just dont want to see them get burnt.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    You can also suggest that friend ask for work history going back 5 years... Usually, it's allowable. Is here.
  9. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Darned right, I would!!! In fact I did do something very similar to that! When my ex and I split up, he and his girlfriend rented a house that was owned by a co-worker of ours. He was a really nice guy but he probably bought the sob story and rented the house to them anyway. They lived there for several months, and if I know him, he was probably waaay behind in the rent. Then I heard via the grapevine (one of the kids) that they were packing up their stuff and were planning on moving, probably in the middle of the night, skipping out on the unpaid rent. So I called the friend who owned the house and asked him if he knew they were packing up and planning to move out of his house. He hadn't known, said they owed him several months rent, and he was REALLY glad that I told him! He managed to surprise them as they were packing up and eventually got all the back rent that they owed him. And the really good part is that the ex never did know that it was me who tipped him off! That's just one of the things he can thank me for ... it was me that turned him in to the IRS too!
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    He!!s yes I'd speak up. Diplomacy? Not so much, but it's never been my strong suit. You can also suggest she do a background check and tell her to ask for a deposit large enough to re-do every wall and floor in the place, then give her exMIL's number. Also suggest she contact other landlords he's had and ask them what deposit amount they would suggest (not sure if they're allowed to say if they were a bad tenet or not, that seems to vary by state just like job references).
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Absolutely! That is, of course, if I truly considered this person a friend and wanted to keep it that way!
  13. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Yuppers! I've had to do this re: my difficult child bro. Alternately even though it was known by someone, a friend but not close one, that I loathed one of my ex's (I've since stopped loathing and now just find him annoying lol), when I heard he was going to try to manage a payment plan to purchase a car from this person I made sure to tell the person that although it was common knowledge that I don't like the guy he WAS trustworthy and reliable with debts etc and I felt they shouldn't worry in setting up payments with him.

    You don't have to be FULLY honest and come across as the bitter ex. Keep it simple. Oh by the way, heard X is thinking of renting your house. I had heard recently that he and his g/f were asked to leave their current place and there was damage done and monies owing (or whatever you want to share, keep it simple/short). I may be misinformed but I do hope you check his references and speak to current landlord just in case. Can't say I vouch for the accuracy of what I heard so don't take my third party word as gospel, anyone can change and he may well have grown up.

    Or, just be honest depending what the dynamic is with you and this friend. Easy to say that yes I have issues with him but if he was a good prospective tenant it wouldn't come to mind at all to speak to you about renting to him. My issues have nothing to do with the fact that I've learned he and g/f are being tossed out and have damaged the place. If thats true, I'd hate to see you get burned. If I heard wrong and you received a good reference from current landlord, just disregard since its just what I "heard".

    I guess I'd care less if they "suspect" its just me being bitter than if I saw good people get burned from someone you can kinda predict has a high chance of burning them.

    Glad he's your ex!
  14. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Definitely. As the others said, I would be diplomatic about it. Just mention you'd heard he was thinking of renting and what your concerns are. Let them know you are not being vindictive, just passing on info and whatever they choose to do with it is up to them and OK by you. But, yes, I would sure tell them.
  15. keista

    keista New Member

    Yes, definitely say something.

    Like others mentioned, keep it simple and non emotional. I always get the feeling that others view me as vindictive ex-witch when I share the slightest negative information about H. The less emotion/frustration I express, the more legitimately my statements come across.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I would NOT.....because it will always get back to X and friend may need money badly and YOU would come out the villan.....HOWEVER.....

    I would drop a note, and drop it in the mail. typed, that would say -----Before you rent to ANYONE - You may want to go by the property at XXX and/or talk to Mr. (X's former landlord) and ask him if he would rent to his former tenant again. Someone told me he's looking to rent from you. I was thinking mostly because - your ex and his crazy wife would PROBABLY -if they ever heard this information came FROM you - take YOU to court and SUE you for defamation of character or slander or liable. Stating they could not get a house because YOU told someone NOT to rent to them or YOU said something that prevented them from getting a house. It's a TINY town and you even being seen with her would set buzzers off with EVERYONE. (my thought)

    This keeps you out of the "tattle tale" loop and if X ever comes knocking and says "YOU TOLD HER DIDN"T YOU" you can say "I never said a word." It also keeps you in good standing with your friend because she won't see you as a tattle tale either, but will get the idea SOMEONE is looking out for her. Later - when she has GREAT tenants? You can make mention if you want to - or you can just keep it your little secret.
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2011
  17. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Absolutely. She can make her own decision but sharing your experience is what a friend should do. Making suggesting she ask for a work history is a good way to not point fingers but letting friend become educated.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Speak to her. Totally the right way to go - friends tell each other stuff like this. Then seh will know and can make an informed decision.
  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I would.
  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I didn't read each response in depth so maybe I'm off-base a little, but based on the original info your posted, as long as your friend wasn't also a friend of his, yes, I would say something, delicately- maybe a very strong hint thrown out, then leave it alone. If the friend is a mutual friend of you both, I'd recommend not saying anything. I can't imagine it would be interpreted in a good way, no matter how good your intentions are.