Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Im a Believer, Apr 27, 2010.
if you found a bag of marijuanna?
Oh I would need more info. On a difficult child or a easy child? First time experience with drugs?
With other children in the home or not? Did the child having previous incidents ?
Does the child take medications?
I am very against drugs. But I do think people make mistakes. But is there remorse?
In my home? You betcha, in a heartbeat. Wouldn't think twice about it.
easy child, difficult child, other kids living in my home or not. Anybody brings drugs into my home and I find them, they're getting turned in pronto.
Thanks for responding ~
Ironically, i asked STBX the other day if he would lawyer up son for a crime (drugs, sex, or stealing)
know son was committing same crime in the a.m., and show to court with him in the p.m.
He answered DEFINITELY. I WOULD LET THEM KNOW I LOVED THEM UNCONDITIONALLY.
He says I don't love my children because I have "conditions" regarding their behaviors.
I then said well he's hurting other people. He said those parents can take care of
heir own problems. I'm thinking, "can they really?"
See, I guess I am saying that you are setting "precedent" that no bad will come to him because you tolerated/enabled/covered for it (the drugs). Will he turn to you for more
of the same in the future? How will you feel if their are future consequences to him
because you didn't make your stand. How will he know to have his stand/boundaries with
anyone else in his life when he leaves home?
Yup, positively I would turn him in.
Definitely since he is difficult child, siblings, court involvement, & his justification of illegal activity,
I wouldn't think twice. No doubt about it.
On a lighter side, youngest had a friend who's sister (14) brought some home on night.
It was replaced with Weed Be Gone, posted onto her facebook and the punishment was
that she had to keep the picture there. Everyone teased her about it. That was three years ago and people still tease her. She's never brought it home again. Still uses it, but knows her parents won't have it in the home by her or anyone. She was told that if it
ever occurred again she'd be living someplace else.
I think the weed be gone is incredibly ingenious. Never heard of it before but back in the day I found out that my mom was calling the cops on me and they would be searching my car at school. I put oregano in a baggie and rolled up some fake joints and planted all that in my car. They were so not amused with me. I just faked wide-eyed innocence as I told them I had an italian herb habit. Yeah I was a difficult child. My son wonders where he got it from.
Hmmm, so many variables. Knowing your situation from your previous post, the part I forget is did he know that your other children remaining with you could depend on him being drug free? If thats the case, Yup. I'd turn him in. Tough love. (Apologies if I have you mixed up with another member!!!)
MattsMom ~ Yep - that's me - Same poster ~
No - My son doesn't know the details of everything - I have made the consequences to be about him - I know addicts only care about their own behind.
My husband and I talked last night and decided to contact the court and cover our bases but in our state - nothing would be done - the cops would come and probably "talk" to him but my husband feels that would take some of the fear of the unknown out of the situation. I have him thinking if he messes up he could go to foster care and if that doesn't happen - and it won't - he will try to gain more "freedom".
He doesn't know I found it - it just "disappeared" so he doesn't think he got away with something.
Still not sure what the right thing is to do - do we ever?
And we did report it. It caused a lot of heartache to turn our son in but it also brought a wonderful probation officer into our lives who did his job and made a difference where Rob's therapists hadn't to that point. Based on other stories I've read, we were very lucky.
Rob hated us then...but not now. Thank God.
In our state, I have noticed that most policeman and about all courts people actually prefer for parents to take care of things their kids are doing if it's the parent that catches them and if it's not a violation of someone else's rights and if the kid isn't out of control. I think it's because the juvenile system is already over-crowded. I know of a family who is coming down on thei kid pretty hard for drugs and no one is interfering with the parents' plan at this point.
Suz snuck in on me- I do agree that as parents, we have to look at what we think is in the child's best interest so if I thought it would lead to helping my son, I would do it.
In a heartbeat and with-o hesitation. No way will I ever let that slide. My kids all know this and so far have not tested me. They know the score though. Our town is really really tough on kids who use drugs and/or steal. It is treated as a "real crime" and not a wrist slap. Later offenses are often a bit more lenient and tend to focus on rehab, but the first time or two they go all out. This is in hopes of straightening them out the first time or two, or so we are told.
Knowing what I know now . . . yes. I wish we had turned in our difficult child when she was younger when we found pot in her room. Protecting her from the consequences of her actions has just made things worse with time.
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