Wow - I feel alone

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Nov 5, 2009.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    My boss/best friend M left yesterday for a new job in Vegas. I have not felt this close to a girl friend in decades - except for my sister H. I love M. She is funny, and smart, and well she always made work an adventure, happy. We had SO many awesome times in the last 6 months - she is the only reason I even accepted this job. We just instantly bonded - like sisters.

    Yesterday was her last day. I couldn't even say goodbye. I am afraid to even face the raw emotion there. It seems to be tangled in the loss of H., and the pain of Matt. I told her she had to come back to see me to say goodbye. She was packing her office, and I just wanted to hurl myself in her door way and make her stop. I know we will always be friends - but we will be friends at a distance.

    Couple with her leaving, is the fact that her job has been literally dumped in my lap. Now I have her cell phone, and mine - her email, and mine - her job and mine. I have assumed her identity, basically. And yet the VP does not want me to actually have her job, just for me to do it in the interim. For whatever reason he does not like me - I am truly not sure why - other than he is an insecure, egocentric narcissist. Now I report to him, rather than M, and he is a tyrant.

    It really seems too overwhelming to me. The sheer raw emotion of losing M., coupled with bearing her job responsibilities, coupled with no support from the VP. It makes me want to run - run super far away. Instead I just feel numb, like a sock is in my brain.

    I don't know. Thanks for listening. I feel so discouraged right now. It seems like just when I find a great equilibrium and happiness in life - the universe does something to rip it out from under me. Possibly I am just better off alone, without trying to form ties, or bonds to people. It seems less painful.
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Wait a minute...she went to Vegas and didn't take me???:tongue:

    On a more serious note, I'm sure she was and will continue to be a great friend. Heck, some of my best friends are people I've never met. We congragate in the corner occasionally, but have never met.

    As far as the work issue - wear power red and hold your ground. One thing I've learned about working under (haha,...not literally) a man is you stare them dead in the eye and voice yourself they'll most likely go scampering away and avoid you at all cost.

  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Steely, maybe she will have an opportunity to hire you again to work together in Vegas!

  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Deb offers some great advice. Eye contact with a man is a great tool to keep in your tool box. Don't forget it.

    Change is hard. Particularly when you've had so much of it dumped on you. But, just remember, its just change. Allow it to happen and see what comes out the other side. Leaving TX was a huge change for you, and look what you gained from it - a great friend! The dynamics of your relationship is now changing, but you aren't losing that friend.

    In fact, you're gaining a great weekend get-away spot!

    Hugs. I know its hard. But hang in there.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) Steely, hang in there- I know the laast thing you needed was another adjustment in your life after you were just starting to get over all the trauma you had experienced but you are on your way and you'll still get there. The board is here, although I know it's not the same as having someone around in person.

    If you have any desires to move to HI and share a house, though, let me know! Of course with my son there (assuming he will be there) it might not help your PTSD any. LOL!
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many, many hugs, Steely.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with another loss. I like the Vegas idea! Tell her to keep you in mind.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    (((Hugs))) I like the Vegas idea too!
  9. horserider

    horserider New Member

    I remember when I had to leave a job and a friend there I became very close to. Now, 15 years later she is still my bff, we talk and e-mail everyday, although only see each other a few times a yr. (distance also). I know the change is hard though, and it sounds like the working condition, not to great. Don't let a man get you down, sounds like he is taking advantage of your talents. Maybe you can meet your friend in Sedona sometime, what a wonderful place in AZ.

    I am kind of new to the board but I keep you and Matt in my thoughts and prayers. You are lucky to live in a warm beautiful state, here I dread the snow and cold that is coming, tends to bring depression. I can't wait to visit my mom next spring in AZ, would love to live there.

    Do you still see your male friends you spoke of? Maybe you could connect with one of them this weekend to spend some time with, do something fun.
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thank you guys - you are such a support.

    Yesterday at work was not as bad without M as I imagined. Just sad, and now it puts me directly in the firing line of the VP. I have been coached by HR that if I want to move forward in my career, I need to stop being such a tough, independent, "woman" - because the VP does not like "independent women". Yep those exact words. Yea. Gulp. I wouldn't be where I am today in my career or life if I was not independent and strong willed!!!! Sigh. So I will choose not to stand up to him - but rather let him control me. (Ack, I got a little vomit in my throat when I wrote that.:sick:) He wants me under his thumb, and he wants to dictate all I do, and apparently that is how I need to keep my job, so I will do it.

    I found myself yesterday feeling really mad at M for abandoning me. She recruited me all the way from Dallas to po-dunk AX - and then she leaves me after 6 months with a sexist tyrant of a boss??? Not fair! But I know that is petty, and immature to truly be mad. I truly want the best for her. Our boss is one of the main reasons she left! Gee I wonder why.

    Vegas is actually not a town I want to live in - but she is only 4 hours away from me. So lots of ROADTRIPS!!!!! Or we can meet in the middle somewhere, like St George, and hike or ski.

    Yes, I still have my guy friends G & R. R went with me to the lake last weekend and we had a great time kayaking and hiking. So, I still have support here, for sure. I just wish it was M:(

    Anyway. Thanks for your support. Today is the day I am finally going to confront Matt on using drugs. We have not spoken since this happened 2 weeks ago. I am almost not wanting to go back and experience the emotion I felt, but he needs to hear it from me.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Steeley, sorry I missed this - I was about to suggest the same thing. Thelma & Louise ROADTRIPS.

    AND remember you aren't alone emotionally or spiritually, though the physical isolation can get to you.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    In 1998 I helped open a new Target store... After a while this lady was my boss - I'll call her W. Very nice person. Loved her to death. Not the world's most strict person though.

    I moved to OK with XH in late 2000. Came back in July 2001, but never worked at Target again.

    In March 2003 W asked me to send her my resume. I subsequently got hired as the secretary in the same office.

    We still work together, though I've passed her by in promotions. She is still one of my two BEST, BEST BFFs.

    I've now known W over 11 years - BFF - was boss - now co-worker.

    Real friends never go away.