I guess I need to vent. I got up this morning with killer cramps and came down stairs. difficult child was on the couch watching tv. I made a list of things for her to do today since she hasn't done much to help out this week because she has been pretty busy. Right away she shuts down and starts telling me how she won't do any of it and it is too much to do. Now this list would have probably taken her a total of an hour max. I told her she had all day to do it but could not play with freinds until it was all done. So she didn't do anything for about an hour. Then my other daughters boyfriend came over which always causes fireworks with difficult child because she and he do not get along. Within 10 minutes of him coming in the house a huge fight starts. I am upstairs, unable to come down when the yelling starts and so my husband comes in from outside and "escorts" difficult child out into the garage because she would rather stay in and fight. So, here we are out in the garage, me my husband and difficult child. difficult child is raging out of control throwing things including her fists at us. In the middle of this rage my other daughter opens the door from inside and says,"Our old neighbor is here from out of town for a visit." So, mortified I go to the door while my difficult child is still raging- screaming and throwing things against the door, which by the way is about 2 feet from the front door, and ask our old neighbor if we can get together later. She is very nice about it but I am still mortified anyway. I am so tired of feeling like we are just trying to do what the professionals tell us to do with medications and counseling appts. and still dealing about weekly with these rages and all of the fall out from them. My feelings have really changed for difficult child. I am ashamed to admit this but when most of what you get is just what I would call abuse from anyone else it is really hard to feel any other way. I just want to have a normal family. Not a perfect home but a somewhat peaceful one without these times that just bleed me of any sanity. When these things happen I just want to die. My energy gets zapped away and all I want to do is disappear into my room and sleep the day away so that I don't have to deal with it anymore. Thank God my husband took difficult child to the store to get her away from here. I feel like such a failure as a parent. I know that my difficult child is suffering too and I do feel so bad for her but sometimes I guess I get selfish and long for normalsy. They say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle but I disagree with this. Well, thanks for letting me vent.