Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Jun 18, 2009.
How are you doing???
I think she's on the infamous cruise this week... I've been thinking about her all week, though. I hope she checks in when she gets back...
Oh yes, the infamous cruise. Hopefully everyone gets home safely.
Hello, thank you for thinking of me.
We got back from our cruise today. It wasn't too bad.
difficult child had a great time. husband and I had sort of a good time, the best we've had in a long time. difficult child was trouble of course, but not really trouble for me.
husband had bought him a new bathing suit. It of course 'disappeared'. As we were packing hours before departure, I looked through all the drawers in difficult child's dresser for it. Didn't find it, but did find a Harry Potter SP gameboy game that belonged to his brother. difficult child said he 'found' it in the bathroom. The brother said it was never in the bathroom, since it fell under the couch a few weeks ago and brother was too lazy to pick it up and has been waiting for another brother (whose job it is to vacuum) to pick it up for him (yes, I know it sounds incredibly lazy, but this kid is lazy). difficult child was accused of stealing it, but he said he 'found' it so it's not stealing. He was told he knew it was stealing and again not to touch anything that's not his. He was also asked why he needed it since he keeps claiming he doesn't have his sister's DS and his dad confiscated his game system. He said he took it 'before it was confiscated. Right, it was confiscated about 3 hours after he brought it into the house the first time.
On board ship, his dad told him he could have $5 worth of credit in the arcade, and if he proved himself trustworthy, he would get $5 a day. Within hours difficult child spent $8, but confessed, so his dad said he was being trustworthy and authorized the $5 a day. Within 24 hours of arriving on ship, difficult child ran up $90 of charges. Then apparently he hit a glitch and the card didn't work so he went to the front desk to get another one. I saw him there and asked what he was doing, he said dad said he could have $20 of games. I told him go talk to his dad not guest relations. Dad was annoyed at me at first for getting involved, then checked his account at 10 pm the first day. Within 24 hours difficult child had charged first $10, then $10, then $30, then $40. Dad was able to get $34 unused dollars refunded and then disabled difficult child's card and took it from him. That meant difficult child couldn't charge anything or get into the cabin (which he shared with us since the other kids didn't want him. For the most part we booted him out at 9 am and told him to be back at midnight).
On the last night of the cruise, after dinner husband softened and gave him his card back. It was disabled for charging still, but he could get into the room and show the sticker to get soda pop. Within two hours difficult child went into our room. We actually caught him outside the door, but he said, "I got separated from my teen group and thought I had to come back here." Weird explanation but... Of course, this morning $45 was missing.
And he didn't just take money, he took one of his sandals and one of his sneakers, and 'disappeared' them (he's been doing this for years, taking one shoe makes the other one useless). He tried to blame me, but husband and I had been together every moment of the evening and it just wasn't possible.
Today my mother who went on the cruise mentioned she say difficult child and another girl playing a game with shoes where they drop them from one deck and another kid catches them on the deck below. husband told difficult child he'd been busted, we knew he'd had his shoe and sandal last night and this was what he was doing with them and when he got done playing, he likely just threw his shoe and sandal overboard. difficult child swore he'd been playing monkey in the mddle with someone else's shoes not his own, and when his dad said, "I don't believe you, that's a stupid lie, the kid cruise director did not provide shoes to throw around the ship. You're busted, buddy," 'buddy' then told him to shut up.
difficult child is not generally openly aggressive, and this set husband off. (We were home by then, and difficult child was cleaning the pool and husband was sitting on a chair supervising). husband jumped up and difficult child dropped the pool net and ran around the end of the pool. I heard husband yell, don't you run from me. And husband cornered him in the back yard corner, and grabbed him by the arm and yelled at him (quietly because of the neighbors). Then he put difficult child in his room for the rest of the day, and stomped around the house fuming.
"You think I don't support you, well, I won't have him disrespecting anyone in this house, I could put a bruise on him today and nobody would know until tuesday when he goes back to daycare. I have my little window of opportunity, he just better not push me...he just better not..."
husband did not hit him. But they are both feeling very sorry for themselves. When husband realized that difficult child took advantage last night on the cruise when he got his card back for soda, and a show and sandal were missing (we didn't know about the money then), he felt very stupid and said he was angry with himself and he doesn't know why he keeps giving this kid chances, he felt like a fool and it never paid to be nice to difficult child.
I felt bad for husband but kind of wondering too. For at least two years at least once a week husband has given difficult child 'another' chance to prove he's trustworthy, and every week for the last two years at least difficult child has proven himself untrustworthy and has scrwed husband over. That's probably at least 100 chances, and difficult child has failed probably 97 times. I don't want to say husband is a slow learner, but....gee whiz. However, hopefully husband is finally getting a clue about this kid. difficult child CANNOT BE TRUSTED EVER !!!
There was one last incident of note. difficult child was supposed to show up in the dining room at 6 for dinner. He did. One evening he showed up early and at the table were him and two brothers and two other people. I showed up and difficult child started pouting and staring and looking like he was fighting back tears, red faced etc... husband wasn't there yet, so I took him aside and asked what was wrong. "Nuthin'" I could tell he wasn't going to say anything so I sent him back to the table and I went to the bathroom.
When I came out husband was at the table and when I sat down, husband whispered, "What'd you say to him." "Nothing." "THen why's he sitting there crying." "I don't know, he's just playing games I guess." (I was offended; so difficult child is upset, why does it follow I upset him, oh I know...I'm the wicked stepmother).
husband watched him throughout the first half of dinner. difficult child refused to eat a bite, fighting tears the whole time. Finally, husband took him aside and questioned him. difficult child said nothing was wrong. Then said, "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me, you never believe me." which exasperated husband and he sent him back to the table. husband then ignored him. Being ignored, difficult child then started flashing 'I love you' sign language across the table to husband. husband ignored that too. My guess is difficult child was hoping for round two of husband begging difficult child to tell him what was wrong and difficult child making husband promise he would believe whatever rediculous story difficult child wanted to put forth. But husband didn't bite.
difficult child played starving martyr the entire cruise, refusing to eat in front of us (of course everyone saw him eating all over the ship...so he wasn't starving just playing martyr). I say just ignore it, but husband just can't. He once made difficult child eat a kid's meal, and the whole time difficult child stared at me. husband told him to stop staring at us while he ate, and difficult child then stared down at his plate with his nose inches from his food. Hard to describe how obnoxious this was.
By the end of the cruise, husband was meeting difficult child in the dining room just to give him the pills and then send him away, it was a relief for everyone.
difficult child had a great time on the ship, we had a party of 11 people and at various times we all saw him having fun doing this or that activity. But whenever he was with us, he was all morose and martyrish and oppressed and sad.
Came home to the news that I probably didn't get the condo I put an offer on, and to a voicemail message from husband's ex that was nothing more than angry, whispered growling (wanna bet she's been baker acted again and is calling from the hospital and doesn't want the attendants to hear her threatening us. I also got court notice from my ex that he wants a cs review. Fine, but I live in florida and he lives in Michigan. I will have to fly up to Michigan next month.
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