SuZir
Well-Known Member
I'm perplexed and somewhat worried after difficult child's this week's Sunday call. husband is furious and really worried. I'm not sure if we can intervene to this anyway and if we even should. husband thinks we should absolutely do something.
Brief recap to those not familiar with the situation (I mostly post to other than SA part): difficult child is an athlete currently living and playing abroad. He is quite isolated by language barrier and that is part that makes this phone call so worrisome to us. He is required by his contract to attend GA meetings, because his former problems with gambling, but after being clean close to three years now, gambling in fact is about the least of his problems. But requiring GA membership is convenient to his team management for several reasons. Unfortunately GA groups are quite rare here in Europe and difficult child only has two options within less than four hour drive and other one has their meetings same day he almost always has a game. That group difficult child found okay and it sounds like your normal twelve steps group. Other group sounds bit iffy and is dominated by this one guy who also self-appointed himself to be difficult child's sponsor. At least according to difficult child. Of course difficult child has always had great difficulties to stand his ground, so there may be also 'other truth' in that.
Anyway, today difficult child told us that this sponsor has went totally whacko (difficult child's words) and tells difficult child that I and husband, difficult child's grandpa and also his former coach/current mentor figure are all enabling him and bad influence to him. That he should cease all contact with us at least until we have worked steps on our own and learned not to be enablers. And that difficult child is doomed to addiction, if he keeps contact to us and lets us be part of his life, before we have changed. Sponsor also has told difficult child he shouldn't pay so much attention to what his sport psychiatric or agent says nor try to look for personal relationship with his new coaches (there was coaching change recently in difficult child's team), because they don't 'get it' (not sure what is 'it'.) And difficult child also shouldn't spend any time with his flatmate (difficult child's only friend in this country) because flatmate drinks and occasionally gambles.
Enabling or not (not sure how exactly sponsor thinks we enable difficult child but whatever) that basically covers difficult child's whole support network especially in this situation. We, grandpa and this former coach/mentor are only people difficult child is regularly in contact back at home (he calls all of us every Sunday and for me often a second time during the week.) Flatmate is his main contact and person to talk with in his current country. Sport psychiatric has been extremely helpful with many of difficult child's issues and agent is someone difficult child really should pay attention to, if he is interested on making a good career in sports.
husband is freaking out and seeing this as an attempt to alienate difficult child from his support network to brainwash and take advantage of him. I try to give a guy the benefit of the doubt, but I can easily see husband's point. difficult child is in vulnerable position and this could be an attempt to take an advantage of that. However I'm not sure if we can do anything to it, or if it would be worth the cost.
difficult child has an opportunity to get away of those mandatory GA meetings, but because the recent turbulence in the team, he doesn't want to raise the waves. He thinks he has total handle of the situation and thinks his sponsor is a whacko with some entertainment value. However, him even telling us about it, even if he finds the idea crazy, does worry me because he is alone and he is far away from home and he is vulnerable with all his issues. husband is climbing walls and thinks we should do everything in our power to put the end of all that. I may have a little bit more faith on difficult child's ability to take care of himself. But this is seriously iffy still.
Brief recap to those not familiar with the situation (I mostly post to other than SA part): difficult child is an athlete currently living and playing abroad. He is quite isolated by language barrier and that is part that makes this phone call so worrisome to us. He is required by his contract to attend GA meetings, because his former problems with gambling, but after being clean close to three years now, gambling in fact is about the least of his problems. But requiring GA membership is convenient to his team management for several reasons. Unfortunately GA groups are quite rare here in Europe and difficult child only has two options within less than four hour drive and other one has their meetings same day he almost always has a game. That group difficult child found okay and it sounds like your normal twelve steps group. Other group sounds bit iffy and is dominated by this one guy who also self-appointed himself to be difficult child's sponsor. At least according to difficult child. Of course difficult child has always had great difficulties to stand his ground, so there may be also 'other truth' in that.
Anyway, today difficult child told us that this sponsor has went totally whacko (difficult child's words) and tells difficult child that I and husband, difficult child's grandpa and also his former coach/current mentor figure are all enabling him and bad influence to him. That he should cease all contact with us at least until we have worked steps on our own and learned not to be enablers. And that difficult child is doomed to addiction, if he keeps contact to us and lets us be part of his life, before we have changed. Sponsor also has told difficult child he shouldn't pay so much attention to what his sport psychiatric or agent says nor try to look for personal relationship with his new coaches (there was coaching change recently in difficult child's team), because they don't 'get it' (not sure what is 'it'.) And difficult child also shouldn't spend any time with his flatmate (difficult child's only friend in this country) because flatmate drinks and occasionally gambles.
Enabling or not (not sure how exactly sponsor thinks we enable difficult child but whatever) that basically covers difficult child's whole support network especially in this situation. We, grandpa and this former coach/mentor are only people difficult child is regularly in contact back at home (he calls all of us every Sunday and for me often a second time during the week.) Flatmate is his main contact and person to talk with in his current country. Sport psychiatric has been extremely helpful with many of difficult child's issues and agent is someone difficult child really should pay attention to, if he is interested on making a good career in sports.
husband is freaking out and seeing this as an attempt to alienate difficult child from his support network to brainwash and take advantage of him. I try to give a guy the benefit of the doubt, but I can easily see husband's point. difficult child is in vulnerable position and this could be an attempt to take an advantage of that. However I'm not sure if we can do anything to it, or if it would be worth the cost.
difficult child has an opportunity to get away of those mandatory GA meetings, but because the recent turbulence in the team, he doesn't want to raise the waves. He thinks he has total handle of the situation and thinks his sponsor is a whacko with some entertainment value. However, him even telling us about it, even if he finds the idea crazy, does worry me because he is alone and he is far away from home and he is vulnerable with all his issues. husband is climbing walls and thinks we should do everything in our power to put the end of all that. I may have a little bit more faith on difficult child's ability to take care of himself. But this is seriously iffy still.
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Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
