WTH Respite care

[HaoZi]

Doesn't answer the phone on weekends? *headdesk*

Kiddo attacked me (again) over getting a shower. She doesn't want to smell like the stinky neighbors downstairs (long story) but refuses to shower. There's respite care for kids 11 and under in the area, but they apparently don't answer phones on the weekends. There's not even an answering machine or anything. So either I ride out the tantrum (she's already drawn blood, thrown things, etc), I call the police to transport her to the hospital (I already packed a bag just in case), or I try transporting her myself (I'm shaking badly and don't trust myself or her for this option). I really don't want to go the psychiatric hospital route again, it's not very close by and while the nursing/basic staff is great the psychiatrists didn't impress me at all and were no help.

She's mostly calm now but still refusing a shower. Kid needs one, she's starting to smell. This is one of those basket things and I don't press her on until it's obvious she really needs it, but she needs it. And she's still not entirely capable of washing her own hair yet, either.

HELP.

 

[keista]

Natural consequences? Forget the shower, but refuse to hang out with her. Nope you smell to much for me to sit an play a game with you (or whatever you do together) Oh! You wanted to go shopping? Sorry I'm not going with a smelly kid.

I don't fuss about showers here on the weekends (at least not in the winter) as long as we're not going anywhere, but if they start offending me with their stench, and refuse to shower, I'll make my feelings well known. Not in a parental nagging kind of way, but in a peer "I can't be around you" kind of way. Am I making sense?

 

[HaoZi]

Those are moot, as she doesn't want to hang out with me or be taken anywhere. She doesn't want to be treated like a kid at school that she complains smells bad, but stills refuses to take 10 minutes to not smell bad. Mostly she's just banging around right now, mad because she can't be on the computers/Wii/etc. The only place she goes to really is school.

ETA: It'd be useful if she did those things, but in our situation, we're mostly kaput.

 

[DaisyFace]

I'm sorry, Haozi--

We've never found a solution to the "refuses to shower" issue...

Just (((hugs))).

You are not alone.

 

[TeDo]

Keista, that is exactly what I do. difficult child 2 has an aversion to showers and he's hit puberty so NEEDS them more frequently than he used to. He's not allowed in the same room I am in because if he wants to smell that way, fine but difficult child 1 and I DON'T have to smell it. He eventually gives in because he HATES being alone. If our house weren't the size it is, I would ban him to only his room so he didn't smell up the whole place. Honestly don't know if that would work with difficult child 1 or not so guess I'm glad he doesn't have that issue.

 

[HaoZi]

She's now on the "You hate me" kick. I need a break from this kid, I really do.

 

[TeDo]

I'm sorry HaoZi. I hate it when they get to that stage. That's when I leave the house for a time-out!! Hope she wears out soon.

 

[exhausted]

Will she negotiate? I have not been through the shower deal but have been through the heals dug in on other issues. Can you bargain with her over the electronics? Just wondered if once she was soothed by the shower she might settle down. So sorry. Have you called the place back-maybe they are short handed today?? I don't know, being physical with you is not ok. Maybe having the crisis team from the police come will help (they usually have a trained team that can handle these issues?? You can ask for them) Just some ideas. Hang in there and ((hugs))

 

[HaoZi]

She's in total disrespectful *itch mode right now, and frankly, I have no idea how to handle her. I'm ready to have another tearful breakdown to go with the earlier one or else go *itch right back at her, which I know won't help matters. I know some of you ladies are great at keeping your cool and your dignity under these circumstances, and I at it. She's tossing little things around to get on my nerves and let me tell you, IT'S WORKING.

 

[exhausted]

Go busy yourself in another room. Switch rooms as needed. Put on music. She's working you. Maybe you can go take a bath?

 

[HaoZi]

Dang it, I took a bubble bath earlier this afternoon! lol

 

[confuzzled]

since she already gets the correlation between stinking and washing, do you know WHY she hates to take a shower? is it too hard, a sensory issue, a laziness issue, hate the feel of soap issue, the shampoo stinks, the pj's im wearing are really comfortable issue or is it the "there is no school tomorrow so why" issue?

and does this include the i dont want to brush/dry my hair or brush my teeth issue too?

(i get the hair help issue, mine has extremely long hair and it took a bit to learn to rinse properly, and umm, its ongoing)

or, how about playing spa? basin of soapy water, wash cloth--wash hair in sink, lotion/powder,etc and top it off with a reward with toenail polish? (she's older, but with little kids it sometimes helps to let them wash their doll/toy).

i'm pretty flexible on weekends too since we really dont go anywhere, but its helped to have a routine and time on school days. its really not optional, and she's used to it.

its a lousy situation--hope she settles down asap.

 

[HaoZi]

Being as I have yet to be able to kick this kid out of my bed that's where I'm drawing my line. No shower = she sleeps in her own bed. She's unclear on her shower issues, every time I ask she gives me a different answer, from not liking the water to plain laziness, so your guess is as good as mine. She'll also be eating a lot of [Kiddo-made] sandwiches because I'm on a cooking strike now, too.

 

[HaoZi]

Progress. She's calmed, the water is running, she picked bubble bath. "No soup for stinky kids" plus calming down finally got through to her I guess. Also, as long as she doesn't have to stand up to have her hair done (which is why I installed the hand shower, to reduce such fights!).

*listens*

The water just turned off, now I'm waiting to see if she actually gets in the bath.

 

[babybear]

Wow, does that sound exactly like my difficult child. Especially at that age. One thing that occasionally would work was a compromise with helping her wash her hair in the sink. Is that a possibility?

 

[keista]

Hooray for progress!

 

[HaoZi]

Wow, does that sound exactly like my difficult child. Especially at that age. One thing that occasionally would work was a compromise with helping her wash her hair in the sink. Is that a possibility?

Not with the way our sinks are built, but great idea! Sometimes we use dry shampoo in between washes, it helps, and luckily she's willing to use deodorant.

 

[babybear]

It's awesome that she decided to get in!

Also, as long as she doesn't have to stand up to have her hair done (which is why I installed the hand shower, to reduce such fights!).

The hand shower is great. I think because they have control over where the water sprays. My difficult child has gotten better with it and mostly just chooses to bathe herself but that didn't really start until after she started online school at home and I no longer had to fight with her about it.

 

[Bunny]

Both of my kids would rather take a bath than shower. Does she not like the feeling of the water coming down on her? I'm glad that she calmed down, but I'm sorry that it was such a rough day. I hope tomorrow is better.

 

[HaoZi]

Kiddo is clean, hair is clean, she's eaten her soup, and she has an earache. Could be related, it's shown up after bouts of nasty behavior in the past.