Xmas for you, not others

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by meowbunny, Dec 13, 2008.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Daisylover (is that the flower or a pet, by the way?) replied to my comment that the one thing I hate about Christmas are those who complain about it. Otherwise, I truly adore Christmas. She said she normally liked it but not this year because she never gets any help.

    It got me thinking. Why do I love Christmas so much? It is a tremendous amount of work and is usually pretty stressful. But, to me, the end result is so worth every bit of stress. This year there really is no money for gifts. So, I'm making everything I can think of making -- cookies for clients, knitting for my daughter, special foods for friends. This on top of moving and working. But I decorate for me. I give gifts because I enjoy giving to other people. I make things because I am a crafty person and it relaxes me and I love when something turns out the way I envisioned. I don't expect anyone to help me with clean up because then I'm just sorely disappointed when they don't and very surprised and pleased when I do get help.

    So, I suggest we all do exactly what we want to do for Christmas with no expectations of thanks or assistance. Do what makes you happy. If your joy is in seeing your home decorated, go for it. If your joy is in giving the perfect gift to someone, enjoy shopping and wrapping that gift. If you like making things and can find the time, do it. Just do what makes you happy. The world isn't going to fall apart if you don't. (Obviously, this does not apply if you have little ones -- they deserve the decorations, the food, the gifts (which don't have to be expensive).) Turn Christmas into what you feel is right.

    Other family members will get over you not being there for the big meal, especially when you drop by later with a contented face because you helped others. Better yet, help others the rest of the year -- there are always too many volunteers at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Take Christmas back from the merchants and turn it into the Christmas YOU want. It will be worth it.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    That's excellent advice, MB. I know I've been struggling with my obligations this year... there just isn't enough of me to go around to make everyone happy. So I'm learning to say "no". I've made myself miserable (I couldn't sleep a few nights ago and that's a big no-no for me) and I refuse to live up to others' unrealistic expectations of me. I can't be everything to everyone, I won't be bullied or guilted into giving more of myself than I'm comfortable with. Some people need to get over themselves.:forchristmas:
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    This is a good plan for the entire year. Thanks for starting this thread.
  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I hear ya, TM!
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I plan on it for the first time doing what works best for me and for difficult child. I'm already getting grief about having to train on xmas eve. if i'm not complaining, why are they??? it's just ridiculous.

    simply stated you can't make everyone happy all the time. if we are happy first the others will fall in line. what's that famous saying "If Mom aint' happy, no one is"......?? am I close?? LOL
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    TM, learning to say "no" when Duckie is young is such a good move on your part. It will not only make you feel better but it will also provide a good role model for Duckie as you teach her where to draw the line. I wish I'd been smart enough to do that when Rob was a youngster. I spent the better part of an additional decade trying to be everything to everyone and no one can do that successfully.

    I posted not too long ago about how liberating it was to learn to say NO and mean it. You go, girl!

  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    MB, when you grow up with 2 difficult child parents like I did, you take on that personal philosophy pretty early. I learned early not to expect others to do things to make me happy and that I don't have to ability to make others happy. I do the things I do because I want to, not because I'm expected to. I enjoy Christmas---all of it. And I am fortunate to be able to do the things I want to do and give the things I want to give. It makes me feel good. If others are disappointed, than that is their problem.
  8. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I think everywoman said it beautifully. I don't expect anyone to make my holidays or family get togethers or life special. I do what I want to do and create the life I want. The contentedness is contagious. I decorate because it pleases me. I cook because it shows my family I care to do special things. They appreciate the hard work. I have family get togethers because mom will not be with us for very long. I know we are making family memories.

    I have had years where the focus wasn't on all the traditions and customs. The spirit didn't feel sincere so we didn't do it. Every year we do what works for us.

    I don't mind a little hustle and bustle but when you feel sick with exhaustion then it's time to say "whoa! what's the point here?"
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    OMG YOU KNIT?????? (must have socks) he he ......MERRY CHRISTMAS STAR - here ya go sock snob - hand knitted socks......

    OH thank you bunny - they are lovely


    well you said it relaxes you - and you know I'm all about helping YOU. :tongue:

    Seriously - BRAVO
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So, I suggest we all do exactly what we want to do for Christmas with no expectations of thanks or assistance.

    YES!!! I learned that after many yrs of expecting everyone to cooperate. I also learned that they couldn't care less whether we have a tree or not. I can't figure it out. I'm the one who is not religious, and I'm the one who loves Christmas the most. Sigh.

    Okay, I admit, I got difficult child to help me carry in the tree this yr by promising him more computer time, LOL. But he was actually very organized and very good company. Go figure. :)
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    MB you're right. And I only complain because I'm in school. Otherwise it wouldn't bother me so much. Actually, not at all because when the kids were little I used to do the holidays by myself anyway. (except for the meal at MILs)

    Since I've decided I'm probably going to take winter quarter off from school....... Because if I go into the LPN in the spring I won't get a break until I'm done......... Xmas no longer feels like a burden and my spirit is coming back. :D

    I even called my mom and talked to her for 2 hours tonight. It was a wonderful chat.

    Tomorrow Nichole is helping me clean and we're putting up the decorations. If she leaves in the middle....I'll just finish myself. Darrin is here and it'll make it fun.

    Money is low here too this season. I was so stressed over that exam I hadn't realized how much the kids had all cooperated to make sure that those who really wanted something got it for a present. easy child is so uncomfortable that all she wanted was one of those pregnancy pillows. They're expensive. But Travis, Nichole, and I pooled our money and got it for her. K had the plug go out on her lap top. Fortunately Travis had been looking up stuff for them and knows the model number. The new power cord isn't cheap, but again....Nichole, easy child, Travis and I are pooling funds to give it to K and her husband for xmas. It's going to be sent right to them.

    And I've thought of a little extra surprise I'm giving them......one of those cheap video cameras for the computer so when we chat I can see K and the kids "in person". Cool. :D

    Alot of pooling of funds is going on. But I think it's going to be a nice xmas for everyone.

    Oh, and MB, the screen name comes from the fact that I love daisies. ;)

    Last edited: Dec 13, 2008