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y daughter has abruptly cut me out of her life
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<blockquote data-quote="Second Time Around" data-source="post: 673883" data-attributes="member: 18739"><p>Welcome, Vernadetta. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, there isn't much that you can do in this kind of situation. She is an adult and you can't force her to let you see your grandchildren. Pushing for that will probably just make the situation worse because it will show her how important it is to you. If she's feeling vindictive (even if it is for imaginary slights), this will show her how she can hurt you most. Also, she is not behaving rationally right now, so trying to reason with her probably won't work. If you are pleasant, but detached, she might eventually renew your relationship.</p><p></p><p>You mentioned that she once cut her mother-in-law off for several months. Is her mother-in-law actually mentally unstable, or is it just your daughter and son-in-law saying that? Has she had a history of this kind of behavior - being friendly and loving and then deciding that someone is horrible? If so, she may have a personality disorder, such as borderline personality disorder. This kind of behavior is typical of borderline. She might also be influenced by her husband, who seems to have some issues. </p><p></p><p>A few years ago, my sister-in-law suddenly started saying that my son had been mean to her children when he was 5 or 6 years old, and that she'd never like him - he was in high school at the time and she had never mentioned such a thing before. She also said that she didn't want to spend any time in my house because it had a lot of germs. My house was much cleaner than hers, so I'm not sure where that came from, either. Then she started yelling at my brother about something when she was at my mom's house. My mom said she didn't think that was appropriate and she stopped speaking to her for over a year! We were all very puzzled about her strange behavior. After about a year of this, she suddenly started behaving normally again as if none of that had ever happened. She was diagnosed with diabetes and it might have been due to her blood sugar being off for a long time, or maybe she had some borderline tendencies, too. We tried talking it out with her at first, but got nowhere. So we remained pleasant, but didn't push her for contact, and eventually she came around again. </p><p></p><p>When my mom invited them for Thanksgiving, she said that she already had other plans and my brother came by himself, so I hope that this cycle isn't starting up again. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Others will come along with more experience and advice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Second Time Around, post: 673883, member: 18739"] Welcome, Vernadetta. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, there isn't much that you can do in this kind of situation. She is an adult and you can't force her to let you see your grandchildren. Pushing for that will probably just make the situation worse because it will show her how important it is to you. If she's feeling vindictive (even if it is for imaginary slights), this will show her how she can hurt you most. Also, she is not behaving rationally right now, so trying to reason with her probably won't work. If you are pleasant, but detached, she might eventually renew your relationship. You mentioned that she once cut her mother-in-law off for several months. Is her mother-in-law actually mentally unstable, or is it just your daughter and son-in-law saying that? Has she had a history of this kind of behavior - being friendly and loving and then deciding that someone is horrible? If so, she may have a personality disorder, such as borderline personality disorder. This kind of behavior is typical of borderline. She might also be influenced by her husband, who seems to have some issues. A few years ago, my sister-in-law suddenly started saying that my son had been mean to her children when he was 5 or 6 years old, and that she'd never like him - he was in high school at the time and she had never mentioned such a thing before. She also said that she didn't want to spend any time in my house because it had a lot of germs. My house was much cleaner than hers, so I'm not sure where that came from, either. Then she started yelling at my brother about something when she was at my mom's house. My mom said she didn't think that was appropriate and she stopped speaking to her for over a year! We were all very puzzled about her strange behavior. After about a year of this, she suddenly started behaving normally again as if none of that had ever happened. She was diagnosed with diabetes and it might have been due to her blood sugar being off for a long time, or maybe she had some borderline tendencies, too. We tried talking it out with her at first, but got nowhere. So we remained pleasant, but didn't push her for contact, and eventually she came around again. When my mom invited them for Thanksgiving, she said that she already had other plans and my brother came by himself, so I hope that this cycle isn't starting up again. Hang in there. Others will come along with more experience and advice. [/QUOTE]
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