Yesterday was my toughest day

wakeupcall

Well-Known Member
I know this wasn't really the point of this thread, but Karen, I'm TERRIFIED of mice, also. Mice and snakes.....can't handle it. EEWWWWWWW
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
Karen,

I was told this about my child and shortcomings and I think the idea is the same for you regarding your husband and marriage.

The death of a dream is sometimes harder on us than an actual death.

I know you have a lot of friends and family to support your decisions in this matter and for that you are lucky. HOWEVER; you need at :censored2:ing buddy that is a.) not a relative b.) not a friend. c.) a trained therapist who can listen to your side of the triangle and give objective non-emotional advice to help you in your situation AND (most importantly) to point out to YOU the things that because you are so close to husband -aren't in your best interest or right, or that it's OKAY to feel this way or that and validate your emotions by talking. It has helped me tremendously to not feel boatloads of guilt. - AND it saved my relationship with my DF and Mom because I LITERALLY found myself spending every waking moment whining to them about my life. NO ONE who is your child, family or signifigant other really wants to hear woe is me. (They're kind if they tell you they do) but eventually they will find ways to avoid you - ask any of my so called former friends. I have one that is so burnt out on the life that was me? She won't even mention or ask about my son and in turn doesn't tell me about her kids so I won't "reciprocate". (after counseling I know why)

And yes, we're here for you, we will listen and we will be supportive. Thats been a lifesaver for me.

Is it ALL unfortunate? Yup. Does it have to be like that forever? Nope. It can change because YOU will change and you won't continue to make the same choices (not mistakes) but choices you once made because you'll learn about it in therapy.

When I started I went to PROVE to others that there was nothing wrong with ME (oh go on stop laughing) - it was all HIM. If I would just get away from HIM everything in MY life would be honkey dorey. BIG FAT LIE. Truth is, had I not been in counseling and SEEN the poor choices I was making for myself, my son, my family - I would have continued in my next relationship to look for and literaly seek out the SAME type of man. Maybe the packaging would have been different but without counseling I truly would have picked the same traits, and not known why I kept messing up things for me.

I will be done with my therapy in 2 weeks - maybe or maybe not for good who knows. After 11 years on and off, I would hope that I can at least pass on some sage advice regarding making good choices for yourself. My divorce was very different also, and my life is different for the better, for ME better.

Things may go wrong like they will, but I'm not sitting around beating myself up over it anymore. I deal with it, move on and spend my time finding humor and making me able to be a better person.

I was worth the investment of time. I'm much better now!

Hope you've managed to read this far. I'm real wordy when it comes to being a better you.

Hugs & Love
Star
 

KFld

New Member
I have been going to a wonderful counselor every week now for the past 4 weeks. She is awesome. I look forward to my meetings with her. I always feel so refreshed when I walk out of her office. H and I saw her 3 years ago and I loved her then.

My next appointment is tomorrow at 4:30.
 

Marcie Mac

Just Plain Ole Tired
Karen
I have been following your posts on this topic and don't know what to say cept what a horses patootie your husband has been to you.

Calling it quits and throwing in the towel is a tough decision, whats better, the devil you know or the devil you don't as the old adage goes.

And

Get a cat :smile:

Marcie
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
Karen - Go ahead and set that mouse trap! You can do it! And if you can't (and I know I will catch flack for this and I DO NOT care!) get some of those "sticky traps" - not the kind that look like a little tray - get the kind that looks like a big index card with sticky stuff on it and put it where you see the mice! Then scoop up the whole thing, mouse and all, in a plastic bag and toss it in the garbage can! YES, they look pitiful stuck in it! But trust me, you lose all sympathy for the little boogers when you find their nasty little carcasses floating in your dish water like I did, or you pour cereal out in a bowl and see mouse turds in it!!

You will absolutely amaze yourself at how much you CAN do by yourself if you try! I had never even touched a lawn mower until my H took off! It got harder and harder to get my son to make an hours drive to my house to cut the grass. So I finally tried it myself and got to be very good at it! Next thing I knew, I was out in the back yard with a saw cutting down all the little "junk trees" that were cropping up at the sides of the yard! After that, I was in our old bathroom with a sledge hammer taking out the old fixtures and rotten floor that had needed replacing for years! Tore it right down to the floor joists, built a new floor, and put in a new vanity, sink and toilet! ME! Imagine that! And it was wonderful therapy! I highly recommend finding something to smack with a sledge hammer!

You can't keep calling HIM every time you see a mouse or the lawn needs cutting! It keeps you tied to him and dependent on him. You have to get over the idea that you can't do these "guy" things by yourself! You can! You have to learn to do a lot of things that aren't "ladylike" when you're on your own and you have to get over the idea that there will be some man come along to do it for you. That's part of being on your own. I'M the one who kills the wasp that gets in the house and I'M the one that trims the shrubs and hauls the garbage can to the curb and back. Anything you don't already know how to do, get a book! It only costs a few dollars more to have someone change your oil that it does to buy the oil and filter and do it yourself - just take it in and have it done! You will be so surprised at how much you really can do, and you will be so proud of yourself! And I guarantee you, it will p!ss him off royally to see you taking care of these things yourself! That alone makes it worth your effort!
 

1905

Well-Known Member
Karen, OMG! I just came back from the hardware store- I heard a mouse this morning running in my attic!! I bought these packs of pellets that they eat- the hardware store guy suggested it to me. He said they die in 4 or 5 days. I have never bought anything like this, either. I also bought these glue traps. You don't set anything up. They look like paper tents.My girlfriend from work bought these, (she told me today) and there were 3 of them in there the next day. Also, call an exterminator if you don't think you can deal with it. You don't need to do it- you just call someone and there, it's done. My girlfriend in Atlanta was showing me her house, and there was a dead mouse on the floor of her basement! She ran upstairs, put books near the door openings on the bottom of the door,(like that would help)and went next door to get her neighbor! His phone was busy, and she was adamant! Do you have a nice neighbor? -Alyssa
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
Just don't use the kind with the poison pellets if you have pets! Even if you put them behind appliances, etc., the mice can sometimes spread them around where a dog or cat could get at them.
 

GoingNorth

Crazy Cat Lady
Both male and female cats hunt. Those in the know, and this has been my experience as well, is that the best hunters are neutered MALE cats. They should be kept as pets and kept well fun. Tht way hunting becomes paytime. They're not desperate and prone to make mistakes.

I also suggest neutered males as they make the best pets. This comes from more than a decades experiene breeding purebred cats, may years working in horse barns, and much experience as a shelter volunteer and observer.
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
<span style='font-size: 17pt'>WAY TO GO KAREN!!!!!!! SO PROUD OF YOU! <span style="color: #6633FF"> </span> !!! </span> :bravo:
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I am not sure of the rules/laws for division of assets when 2 people split up, but I would be very careful about asking him to do anything around the house. It MIGHT give him more of a share in the house, and the financials if he has to take care of chores at your house and at his apt. Just a thought.

I totally understand the mouse thing. We have had several cats for as long as I can remember. When they built a subdivision around my folk's house all the mice came to stay with us. I was a teen then. I remember my mom shrieking and coming into her bathroom to find her starkers on the bathroom counter. She had just seen a mouse! It was seriously funny, but I have about the same reaction.

I would suggest the book Boundaries and the book CoDependent No More.
I think they might be very helpful, I know they were to me.

Hugs,

Susie
 
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