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Yesterday was my toughest day
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 76489" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Well, it IS sad.</p><p></p><p>I feel badly for husband, too.</p><p></p><p>He is thinking wrong.</p><p></p><p>He has been thinking wrong ~ blaming YOU for things he has not tended to in his own life ~ for such a long time now that he will probably never realize that he has been taking the lazy man's way out (by blaming you) instead of working through his issues like every adult must do if we are to mature.</p><p></p><p>husband may well keep thinking wrong until his marriage is long, long gone and you have moved on.</p><p></p><p>You cannot keep doing the thinking for your husband, Karen.</p><p></p><p>You hit on the correct thing in your posting. Your intention was to separate and think through and take time.</p><p></p><p>That is what you need to do.</p><p></p><p>If husband wants to rush into divorce (and it doesn't sound like husband's thinking skills have been anything to write home about lately), then husband will just have to go ahead and do that.</p><p></p><p>If he does, you move into protection mode for yourself and your children.</p><p></p><p>It is no longer about husband, if he wants to rush things along.</p><p></p><p>It is about preserving a certain life style, a certain set of options and choices for your children, and for yourself. </p><p></p><p>husband is making a choice, here.</p><p></p><p>That is the cost of the choice.</p><p></p><p>Period.</p><p></p><p>I have no doubt husband will come to his senses. What I wonder about is whether YOU will be willing to go back to a marriage in which you are blamed for everything that goes wrong and never, ever, cherished or given credit for all the things that have gone right.</p><p></p><p>And I still say there is no such thing as a naturally "cold" woman.</p><p></p><p>There are men who take their relationships so casually that their women do not let themselves go ~ not with them, anyway. :smile:</p><p></p><p>Until you see from your husband the cherishing another man will give you if you and husband split, proceed as you initially planned.</p><p></p><p>A separation, and time to think.</p><p></p><p>Sadness is always part of loss.</p><p></p><p>Nurture yourself through it.</p><p></p><p>Respect yourself and your commitment to husband enough to grieve the loss of your marriage.</p><p></p><p>This pain too, husband brought to you.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 76489, member: 1721"] Well, it IS sad. I feel badly for husband, too. He is thinking wrong. He has been thinking wrong ~ blaming YOU for things he has not tended to in his own life ~ for such a long time now that he will probably never realize that he has been taking the lazy man's way out (by blaming you) instead of working through his issues like every adult must do if we are to mature. husband may well keep thinking wrong until his marriage is long, long gone and you have moved on. You cannot keep doing the thinking for your husband, Karen. You hit on the correct thing in your posting. Your intention was to separate and think through and take time. That is what you need to do. If husband wants to rush into divorce (and it doesn't sound like husband's thinking skills have been anything to write home about lately), then husband will just have to go ahead and do that. If he does, you move into protection mode for yourself and your children. It is no longer about husband, if he wants to rush things along. It is about preserving a certain life style, a certain set of options and choices for your children, and for yourself. husband is making a choice, here. That is the cost of the choice. Period. I have no doubt husband will come to his senses. What I wonder about is whether YOU will be willing to go back to a marriage in which you are blamed for everything that goes wrong and never, ever, cherished or given credit for all the things that have gone right. And I still say there is no such thing as a naturally "cold" woman. There are men who take their relationships so casually that their women do not let themselves go ~ not with them, anyway. [img]:smile:[/img] Until you see from your husband the cherishing another man will give you if you and husband split, proceed as you initially planned. A separation, and time to think. Sadness is always part of loss. Nurture yourself through it. Respect yourself and your commitment to husband enough to grieve the loss of your marriage. This pain too, husband brought to you. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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