Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
You fill the bill. Then, who am I?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 681002" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>The Sleeping Beauty kiss. Oh what hopes and dreams we held out for our children, and still can, just not the ones we imagined for them, not only because of the choices they are making now, their challenges, but because they must have hopes and dreams of their own.</p><p></p><p>I don't see this as giving up, just giving in to the reality that our d c's are walking down this different path, one that we had never in our lives thought would be. They are learning, with each step, misstep, fall and getting up, they are learning.</p><p>It is so hard to watch.</p><p>I liken it to our kids riding tricycles, then bikes with training wheels, then they want the training wheels off.</p><p>There is the hesitation, what if they fall?</p><p>"I don't want my child to fall and get hurt."</p><p>But, that is how they learn to find balance.</p><p></p><p>I think when we hold on so tightly to outcome, it is as if we have removed the training wheels, but still hold on to the bike, running along side of them. We become exhausted and weary, because we cannot keep up, they are going faster, and we are afraid of them falling.</p><p></p><p>We base our own happiness on them<em> not falling</em>, when they do, that is when we begin to die inside and lose ourselves. So we fight and hang on even tighter to what we have hoped all our mothering and love would produce.</p><p></p><p>All of the love and childhood experiences are in your son.</p><p>He is a part of you, just as you are a part of him.</p><p></p><p>The story remains unwritten.</p><p></p><p>I know it is oh so hard Copa, when the kids are near, going down this bumpy path on their symbolic bikes, and we have front row seats.</p><p><em>Each fall, cut and scrape, bruise becomes our own.</em></p><p></p><p>I think when our lives are so intertwined with our d cs, that we feel every repercussion of their choices, their falls, they know this.</p><p></p><p>We have taken their consequences, we feel to the core of us the desperation that is theirs.</p><p>We make it ours.</p><p>We take the beating.</p><p></p><p>I have come to believe that as my children have struggled and I took on the remorse, guilt, sadness, despair, they began to see this as my "owning" their choices and the results.</p><p></p><p>"I am this way because of you."</p><p>That is what Tornado shouted at me.</p><p>Rain, also, puts the blame on me.</p><p></p><p>For a time, I took the blame as my own.</p><p>My "bill" was filled with bitterness and grief, guilt and longing for a do over.</p><p>Their "bill" was filled with partying and going off the rails, and they didn't have to worry, because<em> they gave me their burden</em>, and consciously, then subconsciously,<em> I carried it.</em></p><p></p><p>I do believe, when we decide to find our own purpose and meaning and show by our actions how to do this, the kids may wake up.</p><p></p><p>Fill the bill.</p><p>Our own.</p><p></p><p>I have not given up on them, I have given in to the fact, <em>the reality</em> that their life is their own, they need to fill their bill, and I need to fill mine.</p><p></p><p>I don't as yet know how this is working for them, because I have not seen or spoken with them for quite some time. Tornado-six months. Rain, well you know our last encounter was very ugly.</p><p></p><p>I can only give them to God, and hope that each choice they make, each experience, each crash and fall, they learn from it and decide to make better choices.</p><p></p><p>I do know that I have a life to live. It is hard to live, constantly fretting and worrying, stressing on terrible outcome.</p><p></p><p>It is different for me Copa, I have my young son to raise, so am able to focus on him, too. This helped me tremendously to pivot, and let go and let God.</p><p></p><p>In this, I have backup.</p><p></p><p>For you, with one child, it must be so very hard.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry if I am writing preachy, I write to myself as much as I do to you. Maybe even more so. In this I am being selfish, I am sorry.</p><p></p><p>But, when I read this, I thought to myself "My goodness, what does she mean "who am I?" I thought this, because in this short span of "knowing" you over cyber space, I have come to think of you as incredibly gifted, kind and loving. I do so marvel at your posts.</p><p></p><p>You fill the bill, Copa. To have a man like M, who you describe as a good and kind man full of integrity, to have such a man love you, says a lot about YOU.</p><p></p><p>To look towards this goodness in people and describe it as filling the bill, says a lot about you.</p><p></p><p>Because you fill the bill, too.</p><p></p><p>In all of your posts and responses, I must say dear friend, you have filled the bill for me.</p><p></p><p>I know that you are in a tough spot with your son near, it is a whole different ballgame. You have grown so much, discovered so much in these past few months, taught me so much. You will figure this out.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, I have gone off on a different tangent about filling the bill.</p><p></p><p>I think with you and M, helping each other navigate these waters, communicating and working together, you will be fine.</p><p></p><p>Your son has a great mentor in M.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking he has yet to open his heart to really and truly know this, but his eyes are open, and he is watching.</p><p></p><p>Prayers for peace of mind and heart.</p><p>For you, M and your son, and for us all.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 681002, member: 19522"] The Sleeping Beauty kiss. Oh what hopes and dreams we held out for our children, and still can, just not the ones we imagined for them, not only because of the choices they are making now, their challenges, but because they must have hopes and dreams of their own. I don't see this as giving up, just giving in to the reality that our d c's are walking down this different path, one that we had never in our lives thought would be. They are learning, with each step, misstep, fall and getting up, they are learning. It is so hard to watch. I liken it to our kids riding tricycles, then bikes with training wheels, then they want the training wheels off. There is the hesitation, what if they fall? "I don't want my child to fall and get hurt." But, that is how they learn to find balance. I think when we hold on so tightly to outcome, it is as if we have removed the training wheels, but still hold on to the bike, running along side of them. We become exhausted and weary, because we cannot keep up, they are going faster, and we are afraid of them falling. We base our own happiness on them[I] not falling[/I], when they do, that is when we begin to die inside and lose ourselves. So we fight and hang on even tighter to what we have hoped all our mothering and love would produce. All of the love and childhood experiences are in your son. He is a part of you, just as you are a part of him. The story remains unwritten. I know it is oh so hard Copa, when the kids are near, going down this bumpy path on their symbolic bikes, and we have front row seats. [I]Each fall, cut and scrape, bruise becomes our own.[/I] I think when our lives are so intertwined with our d cs, that we feel every repercussion of their choices, their falls, they know this. We have taken their consequences, we feel to the core of us the desperation that is theirs. We make it ours. We take the beating. I have come to believe that as my children have struggled and I took on the remorse, guilt, sadness, despair, they began to see this as my "owning" their choices and the results. "I am this way because of you." That is what Tornado shouted at me. Rain, also, puts the blame on me. For a time, I took the blame as my own. My "bill" was filled with bitterness and grief, guilt and longing for a do over. Their "bill" was filled with partying and going off the rails, and they didn't have to worry, because[I] they gave me their burden[/I], and consciously, then subconsciously,[I] I carried it.[/I] I do believe, when we decide to find our own purpose and meaning and show by our actions how to do this, the kids may wake up. Fill the bill. Our own. I have not given up on them, I have given in to the fact, [I]the reality[/I] that their life is their own, they need to fill their bill, and I need to fill mine. I don't as yet know how this is working for them, because I have not seen or spoken with them for quite some time. Tornado-six months. Rain, well you know our last encounter was very ugly. I can only give them to God, and hope that each choice they make, each experience, each crash and fall, they learn from it and decide to make better choices. I do know that I have a life to live. It is hard to live, constantly fretting and worrying, stressing on terrible outcome. It is different for me Copa, I have my young son to raise, so am able to focus on him, too. This helped me tremendously to pivot, and let go and let God. In this, I have backup. For you, with one child, it must be so very hard. I am sorry if I am writing preachy, I write to myself as much as I do to you. Maybe even more so. In this I am being selfish, I am sorry. But, when I read this, I thought to myself "My goodness, what does she mean "who am I?" I thought this, because in this short span of "knowing" you over cyber space, I have come to think of you as incredibly gifted, kind and loving. I do so marvel at your posts. You fill the bill, Copa. To have a man like M, who you describe as a good and kind man full of integrity, to have such a man love you, says a lot about YOU. To look towards this goodness in people and describe it as filling the bill, says a lot about you. Because you fill the bill, too. In all of your posts and responses, I must say dear friend, you have filled the bill for me. I know that you are in a tough spot with your son near, it is a whole different ballgame. You have grown so much, discovered so much in these past few months, taught me so much. You will figure this out. I am sorry, I have gone off on a different tangent about filling the bill. I think with you and M, helping each other navigate these waters, communicating and working together, you will be fine. Your son has a great mentor in M. I am thinking he has yet to open his heart to really and truly know this, but his eyes are open, and he is watching. Prayers for peace of mind and heart. For you, M and your son, and for us all. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
You fill the bill. Then, who am I?
Top