So...I never shared, but back in May, over Memeorial Day weekend, my dear friend's daughter was seriously injured in a boating accident. Of course, right at the same time, M was readmitted to the psychiatric hospital. I was dealt quite the major blow. Anyway, the company that my friend and I both work for as employees and are independent consultants for (it's a party plan company) was holding a fund raiser for my friends family to offset all of the medical costs they have endured and will continue to endure (she still has lots of therapy ahead of her and reconstructive surgery, and both parents are out of work to care for her). The event was on a weeknight...2 hrs away...and I couldn't find anyone to come with me to help with the boys (my difficult child's). To top it off, it wasn't a school day for C, so I had him home all day before we left and he had already driven me up a wall. I was hesitant...Ok...VERY hesitant about going alone, but I couldn't miss this for the world...I really couldn't. It meant too much...the regret would have haunted me. I have a pristine reputation in my company...I am a top leader, a top salesperson, I am a corporate trainer, and I have an image to uphold. I feel like last night that I did myself a great disservice. Apparently my stress, my frustration, and my instability was written all over my face. Several people came up to me and made sarcastic comments about "how happy I looked about being a mommy tonight" and one friend/fellow trainer came up to me and very seriously told me "I'm home all day during the day....CALL ME." At one point someone even made the comment that my boys were "normal boys" and I thought, "well if they seem normal to everybody else, then what the heck is wrong with ME?" I could have dealt with M...he acted "normal" for the most part...I wanted to either leave C at home or bring someone else with me to help with him...it was C who was running EVERYWHERE, jumping on people and hurting them, opening the bathroom door on people while they're using the toilet, hitting people with pool cues, eating half eaten pizza off of tables, sticking his fingers into the fruit punch fountain that everybody is drinking out of, not listening to a word I'm saying, not holding my hand in the parking lot, chewing on his shirt every second of the entire 5 hours and then SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER because his shirt is wet, running on the dance floor/stage while they're trying to do a show, SHALL I GO ON? NORMAL? NORMAL? There were a DOZEN other children his age there and NOT ONE...that's right....NOT ONE of them were doing this!!!!! He was the only one! Then I have to be the bad mommy always say no, stop, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, no, stop, come here, sit down, stop that, no, My god give me a second to give you one freakin' positive word in edge wise!!!!! Where is the room for positive parenting when I have to spend every minute being negative. All the while M is chiming in with the things he wants to do that are not possibilities so I have to quickly tell him no, but before I can compromise and give HIM something positive he CAN do I have to tell C NO, STOP, and then they turn the music up too loud and M starts to plug his ears and get upset and then he says he can't hear me.... OMG, it was awful, simply awful. I cried the whole way home. I can only imagine what has happened to my image at work. Forget the wonderful, upbeat, positive, inspiring, motivating person I have been for the past 5 years....now I'm that lady who can't handle her kids. I just want to disappear.