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<blockquote data-quote="PennyFromTheBlock" data-source="post: 640041" data-attributes="member: 18271"><p>GuideMe, I've often thought the way you did- that my own issues in many ways could/were have been damaging to both of my kids.</p><p></p><p>Never enough money, procreating with guys who had -0- interest in their children so they grew up without a father at all.</p><p></p><p>Family issues on my side, so my kids never had the typical 'grandparent' relationship with my parents.</p><p></p><p>We were really and truly on our OWN. </p><p></p><p>But you know what I've had to learn as I've gotten older and dare I say, wiser- I did the best I could. I dealt with the hand I had. I tried to do the right thing. I know I did. I sacrificed (as we do) my life to raise my kids. To the extreme - because I concentrated EVERYTHING on them- and didn't maintain friendships like I should have, or socialized or had fun just for me. So now I'm 43 and single and my kids are grown and guess what my life is now....my job. And it stings sometimes.</p><p></p><p>But while our issues in raising kids may very well have damaged them in some ways- that does not mean that our children have to be "that". There are too many kids who grow up in abject poverty, with or without abusive caretakers, abuse, etc- and yet- there are so many who 'make it' and thrive.</p><p></p><p>I've long told both of my kids that they do NOT have to be a victim of their circumstances. While I did some things wrong and created situations that caused my kids to both have some issues (daddy issues, mainly)- I know that I did some things right too. I'm lucky in that I have two kids, raised in the same house, with the same values - and those stuck on one but not the other. So I have to believe that it's not ME. It's not YOU. She uses the fact that you have guilt over those things to justify her behavior. </p><p></p><p>I wish you sunshine and a virtual ((hug))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PennyFromTheBlock, post: 640041, member: 18271"] GuideMe, I've often thought the way you did- that my own issues in many ways could/were have been damaging to both of my kids. Never enough money, procreating with guys who had -0- interest in their children so they grew up without a father at all. Family issues on my side, so my kids never had the typical 'grandparent' relationship with my parents. We were really and truly on our OWN. But you know what I've had to learn as I've gotten older and dare I say, wiser- I did the best I could. I dealt with the hand I had. I tried to do the right thing. I know I did. I sacrificed (as we do) my life to raise my kids. To the extreme - because I concentrated EVERYTHING on them- and didn't maintain friendships like I should have, or socialized or had fun just for me. So now I'm 43 and single and my kids are grown and guess what my life is now....my job. And it stings sometimes. But while our issues in raising kids may very well have damaged them in some ways- that does not mean that our children have to be "that". There are too many kids who grow up in abject poverty, with or without abusive caretakers, abuse, etc- and yet- there are so many who 'make it' and thrive. I've long told both of my kids that they do NOT have to be a victim of their circumstances. While I did some things wrong and created situations that caused my kids to both have some issues (daddy issues, mainly)- I know that I did some things right too. I'm lucky in that I have two kids, raised in the same house, with the same values - and those stuck on one but not the other. So I have to believe that it's not ME. It's not YOU. She uses the fact that you have guilt over those things to justify her behavior. I wish you sunshine and a virtual ((hug)) [/QUOTE]
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