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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 640117" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I love this, Cedar. It makes me happy for you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My mom, who was quite a wonderful mom, used to say this as well. I used to be a springboard diver...in diving, the quality of the diving board matters a lot...you learn to work the board, and what you want out of it is to be flung as high in the air as possible, so there is as much time as possible to execute the twists and turns and final drop that go into a good dive. I think of my mother as that diving board...she flung me into the air, and the rest was up to me. I could go up and splat back down like a belly flop or I could arch and turn and drop into the water with pointed toes and not a splash. She was the springboard. And she too, was quite fine with "if those kids are still alive at the end of the day."</p><p></p><p></p><p>Recovering, in another thread, wrote about self-soothing. I have to say, I was all over that as a parent. I helped them learn to suck on their fingers or thumbs to calm themselves instead of needing a pacifier, because I didn't want them to be at the mercy of some adult hunting down (or choosing not to hunt down) the thing they needed. I put the milk on the lowest shelf in the fridge in smaller containers so as soon as possible they could serve themselves. I left them alone and awake at bedtime so they would feel the pleasure of the day winding down, and the quiet that comes with that. I knew about self-soothing, which I still think is so important, and I helped them with that.</p><p></p><p>I was a pretty darn good mom, actually.</p><p></p><p>And still...there is difficult child. And the easy child's of course have their troubles and limitations too, some of which are heartbreaking to bear witness to.</p><p></p><p>I am not totally off track...what I am trying to say, GM, is that..our love, our effort, our parenting, can only go so far. We have our limits. Our kids have their opportunities. I hope you can let go of the idea that it is your fault. I hope you can hear our chorus telling you "it is not."</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 640117, member: 17269"] I love this, Cedar. It makes me happy for you. My mom, who was quite a wonderful mom, used to say this as well. I used to be a springboard diver...in diving, the quality of the diving board matters a lot...you learn to work the board, and what you want out of it is to be flung as high in the air as possible, so there is as much time as possible to execute the twists and turns and final drop that go into a good dive. I think of my mother as that diving board...she flung me into the air, and the rest was up to me. I could go up and splat back down like a belly flop or I could arch and turn and drop into the water with pointed toes and not a splash. She was the springboard. And she too, was quite fine with "if those kids are still alive at the end of the day." Recovering, in another thread, wrote about self-soothing. I have to say, I was all over that as a parent. I helped them learn to suck on their fingers or thumbs to calm themselves instead of needing a pacifier, because I didn't want them to be at the mercy of some adult hunting down (or choosing not to hunt down) the thing they needed. I put the milk on the lowest shelf in the fridge in smaller containers so as soon as possible they could serve themselves. I left them alone and awake at bedtime so they would feel the pleasure of the day winding down, and the quiet that comes with that. I knew about self-soothing, which I still think is so important, and I helped them with that. I was a pretty darn good mom, actually. And still...there is difficult child. And the easy child's of course have their troubles and limitations too, some of which are heartbreaking to bear witness to. I am not totally off track...what I am trying to say, GM, is that..our love, our effort, our parenting, can only go so far. We have our limits. Our kids have their opportunities. I hope you can let go of the idea that it is your fault. I hope you can hear our chorus telling you "it is not." Echo [/QUOTE]
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