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You know what's the worse?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 640147" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Tanya, you were very brave to share that with us. I also think it shows that you have found a way to accept yourself and like yourself in spite of the bad things your father did.</p><p></p><p>There are so many stories here from all sorts of people and few of us have not suffered in some way. It is truly up to each person to find a way to get past it and not let it define us or else whoever hurt us in the past...that person owns you...or me, even if the person is dead. You aren't free. You are chained to a horrible person who doesn't deserve the evil power to ruin your life or you are chained to a ghost.</p><p></p><p>To GM: I am gently going to suggest that perhaps you should try therapy again. Therapy has changed a lot. I know many of us have used twelve step programs, support groups and private therapy to help us heal. It was probably not a helpful plan to vent to your aunt. You may have frightened her and she is not trained to deal with a person in a crisis, especially a loved one. I think it is better to have a professional or a self help friend to call; somebody who DOES understand and can deal with you when your world is upside down and can teach you new coping skills too so it doesn't happen so often.</p><p></p><p>Of course, I don't know your family dynamics, but it doesn't sound as if your family is warm, caring, loving or safe from spreading family gossip. There are safe people out there, but they are usually not in our extended families. Family usually can not help one another get through trauma, EVEN IF THEY ARE A FUNCTIONAL FAMILY. They aren't trained in how to do it. Most of us don't even have the functional family part. It is often much easier to have outside supports, but that means you have to decide you are going to trust somebody and try. And it's hard at first.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and good wishes from me to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 640147, member: 1550"] Tanya, you were very brave to share that with us. I also think it shows that you have found a way to accept yourself and like yourself in spite of the bad things your father did. There are so many stories here from all sorts of people and few of us have not suffered in some way. It is truly up to each person to find a way to get past it and not let it define us or else whoever hurt us in the past...that person owns you...or me, even if the person is dead. You aren't free. You are chained to a horrible person who doesn't deserve the evil power to ruin your life or you are chained to a ghost. To GM: I am gently going to suggest that perhaps you should try therapy again. Therapy has changed a lot. I know many of us have used twelve step programs, support groups and private therapy to help us heal. It was probably not a helpful plan to vent to your aunt. You may have frightened her and she is not trained to deal with a person in a crisis, especially a loved one. I think it is better to have a professional or a self help friend to call; somebody who DOES understand and can deal with you when your world is upside down and can teach you new coping skills too so it doesn't happen so often. Of course, I don't know your family dynamics, but it doesn't sound as if your family is warm, caring, loving or safe from spreading family gossip. There are safe people out there, but they are usually not in our extended families. Family usually can not help one another get through trauma, EVEN IF THEY ARE A FUNCTIONAL FAMILY. They aren't trained in how to do it. Most of us don't even have the functional family part. It is often much easier to have outside supports, but that means you have to decide you are going to trust somebody and try. And it's hard at first. Hugs and good wishes from me to you. [/QUOTE]
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