Wow... This is my life...
...When your blood pressure goes WAY up at the first raising of a voice... But you've trained yourself to sit perfectly still so as to not sustain injury.
...When the aforementioned voice rises, you begin looking for escape routes.
...When you are missing a necessary tool or utensil (kitchen scissors, screwdriver, hammer, ladle), you automatically check your difficult child's room - first.
...When your difficult child hands you yet another detention slip, you just sign it. That means someone else will have control of them for an extra half hour!
...When you actually get alone time with your SO or friends, the topic always turns to your difficult child.
...When you actually know Children's Services-approved restraining holds.
...When you buy an extra refrigerator for your bedroom for the food that vanishes, like cheese, pepperoni, and bacon. Corollary: when you have a cabinet/shelves set aside in your bedroom for non-perishable food that vanishes (like crackers and the multigrain cereal that NO KID ON THE PLANET likes but your difficult child will eat before their Cookie Crisp).
...When you have to tell your difficult child to "stay out of the potatoes"... Because you bought a 10-lb bag 2 days ago and there are 3 spuds left.
...When you are not even remotely surprised when your difficult child fails a drug test.
...When you can tell when anyone is lying - even if they're really, really good at it.
...When you check your cell phone and cable bills every other day for unauthorized charges. Credit card accounts, too.