Im new here and beyond frustrated as many have 21 year old YM that has stolen now from us for the 4th time. has been charged with shoplifting from local store. appears to be having issues with alcohol and or drugs, comes home very hostile at times and has altercations with younger bro 19 (fist fights). been arrested 2 times once when 17 and when 20 for operating motor vehicale with controlled substance (charges droped as other passnger had the MJ on self) but he knew. Was kicked out of private HS for failing MJ test several times. Been aressted for having open container in moving vehical (court date soon, police plan to drop the charge to grant a break to the driver being charged with DUI) Lies even when he knows you have fact. interveriews with police with a smerk of ignorance on his face, while asked about providing alcohol to underage and the open container. flunked out of universtiy, most of the time did not show to class. Refuses to accept he has issues with alcohol or drugs, and will not go to rehab. Had police called to my home when underage drinking was reported, found as we returned home (no one is allowed in the home without our knowledge is a rule). No real job, always states I am working on interview, or works at a job for a day or two and then...nothing ( and has a $30,000 student loan yours truely cosigned for when I thought he was serious and focused has paid back about $200 on own). Has been recenlty (2 weeks) kick out of house for many of the repeated issues. the last theft from us was around $1500. His younger bro 19 is starting to follow in this YM footsteps another issue that is too overwhelming to add on top of the above. As I have read on the forum: 1) I could report the transaction on my CC as illegal and file a police report, having him most likley doing time in county jail. Making him not only responsible but accountable for his theft, as he was told not to use our CC for anything previously (how he obtained number i do not know but recently cancled that CC) 2) speak with the Judge and or prosecuter on upcomming court date to set a condition that he go to rehab making him responsible for his actions and ultimatley responsible for what happends next. 3) tell him he has a choice rehab or jail and I report the CC incident as illegal transaction contact police and off he goes. forced decision on his part. This revealing is not about the money stolen, not about the past behavior, its about a 21 YM that we truely love that is destroying his life with his poor descisions continuously. I know the main answere to my question here is I need to let go. but knowing my makeup when I let go it tends to be for good. We have been married over 20yrs, have given both boys worlds of opportunity, a home and support thru childhood and the teenage years. The level of disrespect and trouble of the older YM was apparent a while ago and we attempted to address thru counsolers to no avail. Its creating such a division between us at this point that own marriage is being compromised now. Please feel free if you can add any type of advise.