"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." ~Steve Jobs

[CrazyinVA]

There have been many Steve Jobs quotes tossed around in the past 24 hours or so. This one in particular hit home with me, as the parent of two adult difficult children. I'm sure he meant it in the context that you should be true to yourself, and not live a life that someone else thinks you should live. But for some reason, when I read it, I thought: I've got to stop living Youngest's life (i.e., spending so much time worrying about how she is living her life). I've got to let her live hers, even if I don't agree with how she's doing that, and focus on living my own life before it's too late. When our kids were under 18, it was different... we were responsible, to an extent, for "living their lives." But now? Not so much.

Thoughts?

 

[toughlovin]

Totally agree in principal...and that is how the qote struck me too. However i am finding it much easier said than done...

 

[FlowerGarden]

I agree with both of you.

 

[InsaneCdn]

You don't have to have adult kids to feel that way, either.

 

[CrazyinVA]

definitely much easier said than done. A work in progress...

 

[CrazyinVA]

Insane: no, you don't have to be the parent of an older child to feel that way, but it's a different perspective from when they were younger. When my kids were under 18, I had to live my life for them, that was my legal responsbility. Yes, I had to still learn detachment and boundaries, and to take care of myself and make time for me, but as they get older it becomes even more important that I butt out of their lives and detach in a different way. Even if that means watching them be homeless, addicted to drugs, dating dangerous men, and being neglectful of their children. The need to let go of those things and detach, is becoming more urgent the older they get, and the older I get. I don't want to be my parents, who didn't fully kick my oldest difficult child brother out until he was 40. They just kept letting him come back, over and over. They didn't do him any favors.

At my age, my kids should be independent and self-sufficient. I should be focusing on living the second half of my own life. Instead, they keep trying to draw me back in to help them live their lives. I'm torn between the two worlds constantly. That's how the quote spoke to me... and that's why I wanted to share those thoughts here vs. in General or Watercooler. Just coming from that perspective.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Crazy - yes, I'm not there yet. Oldest is in High School.
on the other hand...? I'm in the same age bracket. And it colors how we see "everything". Know what I mean??

 

[klmno]

I like it- I think this is another of his quotes that I heard today (although it might not be a direct quote with exact wording)- "You're already naked and transparent so there is nothing you can hide and you might as well go for what you believe in and dream for". I probably botched that but it was something along those lines.