YS abusive phone call

Discussion in 'Failure to Thrive' started by BloodiedButUnbowed, May 11, 2018.

  1. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Earlier this week W texted YS to say I love you. He called back and exploded into a torrent of cursing, screaming and crying.

    He wants her to get out of his life and stay out. He was hysterical at times.

    I did my best to stay out of it entirely but I did crack at one point. Hearing his vile ravings was just too much and he crossed the line into abusiveness. Mentally ill or not, child or not, I feel that it is not acceptable to scream and swear at others. I told my wife to politely, lovingly but firmly end the call based on his behavior. She did so.

    Obviously still need to work on my Al-Anon traits as I have no right to dictate to my W or anyone else what they should/should not tolerate. A healthier choice would have been for me to simply leave the room so I could not hear the call.

    He sounds like he is losing his grip on reality. Still no diagnosis other than major depression. We still firmly believe he is bipolar. Not sure when the psychiatrist will consider adding a mood stabilizer to his regimen.

    W is not going to stop accompanying him to doctor visits, which is her only contact with him at this point. I stay home when she does this. I have not seen YS since Christmas, before his first manic episode occurred. He has gotten much worse since then.

    I am concerned that if YS continues to grow angrier and more unhinged, and my W continues to ignore his demands that she step back from attending his appointments, that YS may harm her physically as DS has done. W is never alone with YS so that is a comfort to me but she did say he has become somewhat threatening to her - getting in her face and screaming - during sessions. Why the therapist and YS' father allow this is a whole other story.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry, BBU. Sad for your wife. I am still wondering if he suffered brain damage from the suicide attempt. He seems worse. That doesn't mean he isn't also mentally I'll.

    What a mess.

    Sending hugs.
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    This has got to be extremely wrenching for you to watch unfold.
  4. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I am so sorry that you and your wife are having to go through this. I have been on the wrong end of that kind of call many times. Prayers are with you both.
  5. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    What a difficult journey for both you and your wife. At some point when she is ready your wife will step away from him for a time just to gather herself back and to seek out some calm and peace for you both. There will come a time when she will realize that she doesn't deserve to be abused by her children and that she is worth far more than that. She is lucky to have you and your unending support through all of this. Hugs!