YS update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BloodiedButUnbowed, Oct 25, 2017.

  1. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    YS continues recovering. He is slowly regaining use of his injured leg. He is hospitalized on the rehab floor at the moment. Due to a variety of factors too numerous to go into here, he is going to be transferred soon, first to a specialty hospital for more physical rehab and then, lastly, to psychiatric treatment.

    YS sustained brain injuries due to loss of oxygen during his cardiac arrest and subsequent week on life support. These are very noticeable to us now. He is getting speech therapy and nothing else. We want him seen by a neuropsychologist. His current hospital doesn't have one, the new one does. We're hopeful these injuries will resolve with enough time and treatment. He will probably always have an impaired short term memory. This plus a limp are a very small price to pay for what he did and the severity of his self-inflicted injuries.

    My wife is considering going to court in an effort to better protect YS in particular. YS and DS should ideally be separated as YS told his therapist that DS is a big source of his stress. DS is doing things that only YS knows about. YS is keeping his secrets. Drug use on some level is involved, of that we are certain. In the past DS also bragged about drinking.

    YS made some comments that led me to believe DS might be involved in a "fight club" where teenagers beat each other until one of them keels over. No proof. At present wife and I know absolutely nothing about the lives the children lead with their dad. That is going to have to change as under the current conditions YS nearly died. It doesn't get more serious and DS is a wreck as well, not doing schoolwork, and not working. Wife is heartbroken at how her sons have turned out. She wants to do what she can to get them on a better course up to and including possibly becoming residential parents of YS. I support this. At the very minimum wife and ex husband need to co parent more effectively and YS needs therapy, supervision and mentoring as he heals.

    That is all for now.
     
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  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    DS is getting into problems and creating havoc for YS.

    He will need an calm stable environment to continue to heal in.

    Separating the. Sounds like a good idea. It is unfortunate that can only be done through the courts. More stress.

    I am pleased to hear about YSs progress. I am also glad to hear that psychiatry follow up is part of the plan.
    Do keep us posted.
     
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  3. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Will ex-husband be on board with YS coming to live with the two of you? That seems to me to be the most pragmatic way to separate the two and give YS time to heal in all areas.

    A fight club? Wow, that sounds like serious stupidity to me. Does the dad just let them go whenever and wherever they want? Do you think you could lobby for dad and your wife to go to parenting classes?

    My hope is that this tragedy will give everyone a fresh look at the seriousness of DS's issues and bring about a positive change for everyone.
     
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  4. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Pigless, no, ex husband would never allow either child to live with us. Too much bitterness, unfinished emotional business on his end, and bad history. Ex husband and my wife hate each other and cannot even compose themselves enough to avoid screaming at the top of their lungs at one another IN YS' HOSPITAL ROOM. Even this tragedy was not enough. The dysfunction is its own life force.

    Dad has never supervised either child. They do as they please. Dad has never had another romantic relationship so it is just him and the two kids. Dad has no spine and cannot say no. He never monitors (monitored) their homework. Now YS will need an IEP and probably special education classes at least in the short term. DS is essentially a dropout, quit his job months ago and hasn't bothered to look for another since. Despite the relatively problem free six months we are experiencing with him, I am still convinced DS is a psychopath. He is beyond help because he will not accept it, and doesn't think he needs it, and neither does Dad.

    If we can get YS away from them both, even on a part time basis, that would help. Wife and I are discussing options there. They don't all have to involve court.
     
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  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Perhaps the Dad will feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring and minding YS now.
    Maybe outlining the plan of action for care and education would make him want to be more flexible in allowing YS to live with you vs him.
    Fingers crossed that court is not a needed step to get this stability into place for all of you. You have been through so much already.
     
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  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    How did Dad get control of custody? It is usually 50/50 these days. Why is every decision about the boys up to him? It does not sound like he was or is a father who gives it his all...
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    In most areas, by the time the children are teens, they are allowed to choose where they want to live, both parents being stable. Given parents that would supervise them and monitor them, and a parent that would not monitor them or require anything of them, most teens would choose the one that would let them do anything at anytime. Courts are not usually told that a parent will allow this. Few adults are dumb enough to tell a judge that this is their parenting plan.

    I hope that you are able to separate the boys. It sounds like YS needs to be away from DS. I wonder what DS has threatened him with? If, as you say, DS is a psychopath and he has told YS some truly nasty secrets, he will have threatened YS to make YS keep quiet. Only making sure that DS won't be able to get to him, and proving it to him, will enable YS to feel safe enough to open up. If even that does.
     
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  8. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    We will make sure that the court is fully aware that DS is abusing drugs, is a chronic truant, and potentially is engaging in illegal fighting, and that YS nearly completed suicide under Dad's watch. We are happy to put these boys' horrible lives on full public display if it means Dad has to answer for his failings as a parent, safety for YS and interventions for DS.

    The boys will continue to be separated for the forseeable future as YS is still hospitalized. He then wants to live with my Monster in Law, who is a good grandmother if a horrible human being in every other aspect, for a time as he regains independence. He has told his father he is not going back to his house, at least not at first.

    I don't think in a million years either boy will choose to come live with my wife. They hate her, honestly. Their feelings for me are fonder, but they know my wife and i are a package deal and what they DON'T know is that our marriage is frayed almost to the breaking point as it is.

    I agree they need to be separated permanently. I hope YS finds the courage to seek a safe haven for himself. DS and his father are likely to continue living together well into DS' adulthood.
     
  9. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Wow, BBU. That is some serious anger. No small wonder you needed breaks from the drama. Let's all just make a stressful situation more stressful.
     
  10. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    Any update?