ywwe cSome reflection

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jun 7, 2013.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I was thinking today of how my difficult child is back in jail just as he was 2.5 years ago when I first came to this board (I think it was then) and also went to alanon. So after 2.5 years my difficult child is still in the same place which is sad. BUT I am not in the same place at all and that is in large part due to alanon but also due to this board.

    Back then I felt that having a son in jail was the worst thing a mother could go through, other than her child dying. I felt this huge burden on me, kind of the weight of the world. I could barely think of anything else. I think I felt that somehow his being in jail was a reflection on me. He was only in jail for 2 weeks but it felt then like it was the worst 2 weeks fo my life.... and then he started the next segment of his journey which was rehab.

    So now he is back in jail, at least until Tuesday when they decide what if any rehab they are going to send him to. I now know that jail is not the worst thing a mother can go through. Having a child on the streets, not being sure if he is dead or alive is much much worse. At least with jail you know they are alive, getting fed, and have a place to sleep.

    I no longer feel burdened by it all. Yes I am a little distracted,, mostly because the waiting to see what will happen is hard, but I am definitely functioning and am not a puddle of tears. I am sleeping. I no longer feel his being in jail is a reflection fo me or my parenting. I know without a doubt I have done everything I can andn that I have been a good mom. His being in jail is a result of his own actions, his own lack of disobeying all rules and somehow feeling that this time he will get away with it.

    I have realized he has probably done a lot of bad stuff that I have no idea about....because he must have gotteen away with enough things to think he can keep doing it!!! He probably hasnt been caught eveery time, it just feels that way to me because I dont know about the other times!

    It really does come down to finding a way to live our lives and to grow because their lives may not change and we cant sit around waiting to live our lives until they get theirs together.

  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I dont know why my titles get screwy and I cant figure out how to edit them!! Sorry.
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Yeppers. Exactly what you said.