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1 broken laptop + 1 broken phone = I HATE MY LIFE!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 168273" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Bran, </p><p> </p><p>Isn't it interesting and sad that one person can negatively affect the lives of so many others? It sounds to me that you maybe are giving this child an incredible amount of lattitude based on her diagnosis of BiPolar (BP). You all need some help - and NOW. </p><p> </p><p>In review - she broke house rules, brought a friend and you told "them" to leave. </p><p>You should have told the friend to leave and she got a punishment - she's pushing buttons. </p><p> </p><p>Then you ARGUED with her for an hour? No no no no NO! You do not argue, you are the parent - when you can't control her - you tell her to go to her room, if she runs away - you call the police, if she goes to her room and tears it up - you can choose to allow her to destroy it or call the police. </p><p> </p><p>Personally I think she needs to be in an out of home placement. She is NOT complying with house rules - she breaks stuff (remember my post to you about HIDE ALL THE VALUABLE STUFF THAT THEY WILL BREAK THINGS?) uh huh. I had a kid like her - THEY BREAK THINGS to be vindictive. </p><p> </p><p>As far as your husband breaking the computer? WOW there is a lot of rage going on there - and he needs to process that with someone. Sounds kinda clinical - but Bravo to him hitting something and not her. (you take your ops where you can get 'em) and then he broke her cell phone? Ugh....back to square one. (although I really do get the why - his impulsive behaviors scream you all need some help.) NOT JUDGING - just helping because we all went to counseling in the Star house too. </p><p> </p><p>And then you have the kids to consider - and how this is affecting them. </p><p> </p><p>Your caseworker HAS a BOSS - CALL THAT PERSON NOW!!!!! TELL THEM SHE IS OUT OF CONTROL and you need TDC - placement (Temporary DeEscalation Center) NOW - TODAY - that you nearly had her arrested. And don't want to do that - but it's going to be a reality unless they place her somewhere. Tell the boss that you are seriously considering splitting up your family because of this child's behaviors. THAT KEEPING FAMILY UNIFIED is the whole reason you HAVE a caseworker. - and GET ANGRY - tell them YOU AREN"T KIDDING - this is affecting the your health. </p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry you are going through this - and like you I too thought - If he can never learn from his mistakes - what is the use of Tought love - and I've said it before and I'll say it again - Tough Love is NOT necessarily for the kids to learn - it's for us parents to learn HOW to move forward, not engage in arguments with them, how to detach and how to eventually realize that if we want a life-time full of this particular type of drama all we have to do is NOT learn tough love and just accept that our lives will continue to be chaotic and get worse due to the behaviors of one child. Tough love - is tougher on the parent because we're genetically designed to care for and FIX our young. Walking away from those responsibilities is harder than staying. But in the end? We ourselves don't buy into the drama, save our marriages, save our other children's lives by not exposing them to the difficult child behaviors. </p><p> </p><p>Do kids EVER learn when the are BiPolar (BP)? Sure - but NOT if patterns of THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE behavior aren't part of their life - saving her from the police? You aren't doing her any favors - you suppose that she would be able to behave like that ANYWHERE else in the world and get away with it? </p><p> </p><p>Get her placement, get yourselves in therapy NOW. Consider a therapist like the directions to a board game you've never played before - you're playing the game of life with a difficult child currently and don't know how - a therapist will offer suggestions, allow you a chance to vent, give you directions to deal with these behaviors - and help you understand HOW to not engage in a conversation that is unhealthy for you all. </p><p> </p><p>been there done that - and won't go back. EVER. </p><p> </p><p>-yes, I've called the police on my son - YES it helped.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 168273, member: 4964"] Bran, Isn't it interesting and sad that one person can negatively affect the lives of so many others? It sounds to me that you maybe are giving this child an incredible amount of lattitude based on her diagnosis of BiPolar (BP). You all need some help - and NOW. In review - she broke house rules, brought a friend and you told "them" to leave. You should have told the friend to leave and she got a punishment - she's pushing buttons. Then you ARGUED with her for an hour? No no no no NO! You do not argue, you are the parent - when you can't control her - you tell her to go to her room, if she runs away - you call the police, if she goes to her room and tears it up - you can choose to allow her to destroy it or call the police. Personally I think she needs to be in an out of home placement. She is NOT complying with house rules - she breaks stuff (remember my post to you about HIDE ALL THE VALUABLE STUFF THAT THEY WILL BREAK THINGS?) uh huh. I had a kid like her - THEY BREAK THINGS to be vindictive. As far as your husband breaking the computer? WOW there is a lot of rage going on there - and he needs to process that with someone. Sounds kinda clinical - but Bravo to him hitting something and not her. (you take your ops where you can get 'em) and then he broke her cell phone? Ugh....back to square one. (although I really do get the why - his impulsive behaviors scream you all need some help.) NOT JUDGING - just helping because we all went to counseling in the Star house too. And then you have the kids to consider - and how this is affecting them. Your caseworker HAS a BOSS - CALL THAT PERSON NOW!!!!! TELL THEM SHE IS OUT OF CONTROL and you need TDC - placement (Temporary DeEscalation Center) NOW - TODAY - that you nearly had her arrested. And don't want to do that - but it's going to be a reality unless they place her somewhere. Tell the boss that you are seriously considering splitting up your family because of this child's behaviors. THAT KEEPING FAMILY UNIFIED is the whole reason you HAVE a caseworker. - and GET ANGRY - tell them YOU AREN"T KIDDING - this is affecting the your health. I am so sorry you are going through this - and like you I too thought - If he can never learn from his mistakes - what is the use of Tought love - and I've said it before and I'll say it again - Tough Love is NOT necessarily for the kids to learn - it's for us parents to learn HOW to move forward, not engage in arguments with them, how to detach and how to eventually realize that if we want a life-time full of this particular type of drama all we have to do is NOT learn tough love and just accept that our lives will continue to be chaotic and get worse due to the behaviors of one child. Tough love - is tougher on the parent because we're genetically designed to care for and FIX our young. Walking away from those responsibilities is harder than staying. But in the end? We ourselves don't buy into the drama, save our marriages, save our other children's lives by not exposing them to the difficult child behaviors. Do kids EVER learn when the are BiPolar (BP)? Sure - but NOT if patterns of THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE behavior aren't part of their life - saving her from the police? You aren't doing her any favors - you suppose that she would be able to behave like that ANYWHERE else in the world and get away with it? Get her placement, get yourselves in therapy NOW. Consider a therapist like the directions to a board game you've never played before - you're playing the game of life with a difficult child currently and don't know how - a therapist will offer suggestions, allow you a chance to vent, give you directions to deal with these behaviors - and help you understand HOW to not engage in a conversation that is unhealthy for you all. been there done that - and won't go back. EVER. -yes, I've called the police on my son - YES it helped. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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