My son - like your son
My thoughts - like your thoughts until last time he ran away
My actions - Did NOT go looking for him, did NOT ask anyone to call me, and when they DID? I said "So he's back - whatever." and hung up.
Right now SLSH - thank you KNOWS you are worried. (and you have a right to be) But I promise you since I have changed MY behavior to "pooh poo, blazeh, whoopie do you ran away" DFD has stopped running away. We had suspected he was unconsciously doing to for the attention as odd as that sounds - and the first 2 times I was JUST LIKE YOU thinking - OMG he has the street savy of a salmon in spawning season swimming through a river of grizzleys."
So we talked with our psychiatrist and he suggested the next time difficult child pulled his little stunt - call the police and LET HIM GO. Don't call his friends house looking for him, don't drive through the 'hood', don't knock on doors (I could not depend on his thug friends Mom to call me for anything) and if he doesn't show up to my house the next day ? Call the police and report him AGAIN, and again - and again. Just keep getting the reports.
When the police found him in the house we told time he was at? They threatened to arrest everyone for obstruction and THEN thug Momma sent Dude out. When it involved HER on a more personal level she gave him up. When the cops brought him to the house, we walked outside and said "Yup that's him - can you arrest him or do we HAVE to take him?"
He actually told the psychiatric. that we didn't even care he had run away. And we said "What's to care about - you were the one that left us - we're not going to track you down or call you like a little kid - you're big enough to run away - you must have considered all options." And we left it at that. The next time he made a reference to "I'm going to run away?" I kicked his door open, threw a Hefty bag on his bed, ripped junk from the closet threw it in the plastic bag, tore open some drawers and threw in a pair of socks and a pair of underpants THEN I tied it shut, opened the front doors, and threw that trash bag in the middle of the yard, came in and said "GET OUT".
Then went calmly, sat down and finished watching a movie with DF. I came in later to the kitchen and yelled back to DF - "We can paint the bedroom now Dude is gone - he said he was running away and I packed his bag." Dude was LESS than thrilled. His only comment "You could have at least given me a suitcase" and I said "NO - you have never bought a suitcase, I GAVE you the Hefty bag in an effort to help. Next time I'll just toss your clothes OUT and you can BUY a Hefty bag from me they cost around a quarter."
STOP letting thank you know you get upset by this. Don't tell the staff that you are not really concerned. They forget and will tell the kid or use it as a "tool" to win the kids confidence thinking if they tell the kid Mom is REALLY upset it gives them a right to hear about why they ran away. CRUDOLA. I did that too, too many times. I have no intentions of telling Dobby our house elf at the group home that I care at all. Mostly because I'm tired of being used, and secondly the less I seem to care about ANYTHING dude does the harder he's trying to get it right.
(I hate being rever psychologied by myself)
Hugs
Star