Hi there.
I have a daughter, now 26 got into drugs at 12. Yes, 12. To me, it sounds like your daughter is doing more than smoking pot. I'm NOT trying to bring you bad news, however cursing, putting holes in the walls, violence in general is not really characteristic of just using pot (not that pot is a good thing, but it's other drugs that cause moodswings and violence). My daughter cut herself and didn't do well in school, although she did manage to work and then go to tech school without flunking out (all this while on meth and coke...go figure). I stopped trying to find out what caused it because whatever caused it, her main problem became the drugs themselves. She was also always insecure and wanted friends and, sadly, drugs were the way to go for that. "Bad" kids are the most accepting of all.
I totally suggest going to a Narc-Anon meeting to talk to other people going through what you are. They have great advice...those who have been there. Basically, at her age, you can't make her stop and prescribed medications will not help her if she is using other drugs and drinking. In fact, one of my daughter's favorite drug choices were ADHD medications that her and her friends bought off the street, tricked doctors into prescribing for them...or stole from younger siblings. They crushed them in pillcrushers and snorted them with coke and other stuff...she told me all this scary garbage after she finally cleaned up (yes, it can happen! She has not used since she was nineteen!). Drug users/addicts (I lump them together) will only stop when they want to stop. Rehab will only help if they want it and most rehabs won't take a seventeen year old who doesn't want to go anyway. My daughter has told me, "Never trust a word a drug user says. Nothing. Not even if they cry and stare you in the eyes.) If I were to guess, I'd say your daughter is probably maybe using some speed too. How are her sleeping patterns? Is she very skinny or does she binge eat then not eat?
When my daughter was eighteen we found her having a drug party when we came home from an event. We had no idea how deeply she was into drugs until then. We though she smoked pot and had bipolar and felt sorry for her. Well, we still felt sorry for her, but we made her leave our house because we had two younger kids who were tired of the drama and the police coming by. She went to live with her straight-arrow brother who laid down the law and she listened to him. Part of that was because he lived out of state and shse wanted to quit but couldn't do it around her friends. Peer pressure is terrible. The druggies don't let the kids go straight. If you can get her out of town, I highly recommend it, not that she can't find druggies there...just that if she wants to quit it's easier if nobody knows her. It's also lonely. My daughter had no friends for a while.
I think you should go to Nar-Anon meetings and focus on yourself and your thirteen year old son and lay down the law on daughter. If she is still doing what she's doing (and I wouldn't define it because she will probably lie to you about what's going on) then she has until she is eighteen to think of where she is going to live. The choice is solely in her hands. If she stops her behavior, she can live with you. If not, she will have to leave and found other living arrangements. Sounds tough, but it in my opinion works better than enabling dangerous behavior. If my daughter hadn't had a brother (and SHE called him, not me) I still would have made her leave for the sake of my little ones and herself. She needed to have it rough in order to quit. Making it comfy for her to do self-destruction would have only made things worse...and she's the one who says that now.
I wish you luck. This is NOT easy. We never even really know the depth of what is going on with our troubled teens (and often young adults).