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Substance Abuse
20 yr.old pothead...angry husband...2 seperate issues
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 630692" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Good advice and comments from MWM.</p><p></p><p>A couple of thoughts from me.... first I totally get the sadness and grief over the loss of the sweet little boy you once had. I feel that too, sometimes intensely. At times it makes me want a do over as if somehow if I parented him knowing what I know now it would be different. Truth is I am not sure it would be and it doesnt matter because there is no such thing as a do over. We can only go from where we are today! But I do understand the intense grief and sadness. And part of that grief is they have not grown up into the man we hoped they would be. I have a easy child daughter and I at times miss her younger days but mostly I just enjoy who she is today so I dont have that grief of days past with her.</p><p></p><p>Your husband does sound very controlling and that concerns me for you. However it is not totally clear to me if he is controlling of you in general or only in relation to issues with your son. If he is in general controlling of you then you should call a domestic violence agency in your area for advice. </p><p></p><p>If it is only in regards to your son then there could be other reasons for that. I think the fact that your husband was once a drug addict means he probably sees things differently than you. True he doesnt love your son li ke you do, but he may also be way more objective about him and his drug use than you are. And he probably sees through his manipulation and lies way better than you do and it probably drives him nuts to see you fall for the lies and manipulations and given that he knows that life so well he probably has a lot less tolerance for it. So if that is the case then it might make sense to sit down and really hear what he has to say.</p><p></p><p>And I learned a long time ago, that when it comes to marriage to make it work the other person really does need to come first. Granted there are situations when that is not true in the moment, a hungry baby needs to be fed, or changed, or rocked etc. Certainly when a child is sick they need to be taken care of etc...... but overall I think it is important for your husband to feel he comes first especially when we are talking about adult children. So I think some repair in your marraige needs to be around this issue. I think something is off when your husband feels in competition with your children. Yes some of that may be him and his insecurity but some of it may have some validity and you need to look at that.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 630692, member: 15801"] Good advice and comments from MWM. A couple of thoughts from me.... first I totally get the sadness and grief over the loss of the sweet little boy you once had. I feel that too, sometimes intensely. At times it makes me want a do over as if somehow if I parented him knowing what I know now it would be different. Truth is I am not sure it would be and it doesnt matter because there is no such thing as a do over. We can only go from where we are today! But I do understand the intense grief and sadness. And part of that grief is they have not grown up into the man we hoped they would be. I have a easy child daughter and I at times miss her younger days but mostly I just enjoy who she is today so I dont have that grief of days past with her. Your husband does sound very controlling and that concerns me for you. However it is not totally clear to me if he is controlling of you in general or only in relation to issues with your son. If he is in general controlling of you then you should call a domestic violence agency in your area for advice. If it is only in regards to your son then there could be other reasons for that. I think the fact that your husband was once a drug addict means he probably sees things differently than you. True he doesnt love your son li ke you do, but he may also be way more objective about him and his drug use than you are. And he probably sees through his manipulation and lies way better than you do and it probably drives him nuts to see you fall for the lies and manipulations and given that he knows that life so well he probably has a lot less tolerance for it. So if that is the case then it might make sense to sit down and really hear what he has to say. And I learned a long time ago, that when it comes to marriage to make it work the other person really does need to come first. Granted there are situations when that is not true in the moment, a hungry baby needs to be fed, or changed, or rocked etc. Certainly when a child is sick they need to be taken care of etc...... but overall I think it is important for your husband to feel he comes first especially when we are talking about adult children. So I think some repair in your marraige needs to be around this issue. I think something is off when your husband feels in competition with your children. Yes some of that may be him and his insecurity but some of it may have some validity and you need to look at that. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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20 yr.old pothead...angry husband...2 seperate issues
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