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Parent Emeritus
23 year old son - I kicked him out when he was 18
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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 694015" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Hi Sea.</p><p> </p><p> This is the crux of it. You are so right.</p><p> Somehow I know that the wanting to know the whys and hows of it all is simply one more way for me to try and control<em> my </em>world. I've finally realized that it doesn't matter, from where we as parents stand, what we know about the roots of the behavior. If there's lying, stealing, disrespect, abuse, entitlement, problems with the law...then whatever the root, be it drugs, mental illness or simply laziness makes no difference in our response. Detach. Save yourself. It's the<em> behavior </em>we are unable to deal with any longer. Maybe it gives us pseudo answers to say "drugs caused this" and possibly that gives us hope for a future sober time. Sometimes that is all we have to hang onto. BUT, in the beginning, minute by minute, we can only take one step. Slowly. You're doing a good job. The whys don't matter. There's time down the road to reflect on that if you want to go there. Today, just breathe. Prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 694015, member: 20054"] Hi Sea. This is the crux of it. You are so right. Somehow I know that the wanting to know the whys and hows of it all is simply one more way for me to try and control[I] my [/I]world. I've finally realized that it doesn't matter, from where we as parents stand, what we know about the roots of the behavior. If there's lying, stealing, disrespect, abuse, entitlement, problems with the law...then whatever the root, be it drugs, mental illness or simply laziness makes no difference in our response. Detach. Save yourself. It's the[I] behavior [/I]we are unable to deal with any longer. Maybe it gives us pseudo answers to say "drugs caused this" and possibly that gives us hope for a future sober time. Sometimes that is all we have to hang onto. BUT, in the beginning, minute by minute, we can only take one step. Slowly. You're doing a good job. The whys don't matter. There's time down the road to reflect on that if you want to go there. Today, just breathe. Prayers. [/QUOTE]
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23 year old son - I kicked him out when he was 18
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