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23 year old son - I kicked him out when he was 18
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 694730" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>in my opinion you need to let it go. Your son is not a little boy and needs to mske his own decisions. the story your son told you may be true, may not be true. When my oldest son left at my insistence, he mostly lived in motels. But for a while a young man took him in, not charging him anything, snd buying him things. it turned out the man was gay and my son moved out on his own. He had to go back to his seedy motels. I almost forgot about this until you posted your story. It lasted a few months.</p><p></p><p>It never crossed my mind to go there and demand IDs. My son was over 18 and not fodder for a pedophile. Your son isn't either. The man could be taken back by a mother showing up and refuse to show you anything. That doesn't mean he is a bad guy. The man did nothing wrong. Your son is legally a man. When we make them leave they couch surf and find people to take them in. We signed up for this. We cant both say you are an adult and you can't live with us, but we are going to vet who you live with if somebody offers a roof. Legally you have nothing to stand on. Even if he is a felon, you can't do anything. Other than create more drama and he probably is just happy to be off the streets right now.</p><p></p><p>The man is possibly just lonely and he IS charging rent.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile you are making your illness worse by trying to continue fixing your son even though he is legally an adult and you cant live with him at home. You will kill yourself at this rate. There is nothing you can do for your son anymore, including controlling his life as a homeless person.</p><p></p><p>What you can do is go for therapy yourself and learn how to cope with this difficult situation. Not trying to be morbid, but you cant be there for ANYONE if you get very ill or die. Let him go, and if you have a higher power, God, the universe, angels...hand your son to their care. If you believe in anything and do thus, I have found it comforting.</p><p></p><p>I believe you have other close loved ones. They need you too. And you need to be kind to yourself. Continue to love your son...detach from his daily life to life issues. Let him learn like we all learned...without Mom trying to control us as adults. Occupational Therapist (OT) is best for us to step back and let them figure it out...or not. We can not micro manage their lives...they wont listen to us anyway. No matter how much we try to tell them what we feel is best. p</p><p></p><p>Hopefully he will soon find a better way.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 694730, member: 1550"] in my opinion you need to let it go. Your son is not a little boy and needs to mske his own decisions. the story your son told you may be true, may not be true. When my oldest son left at my insistence, he mostly lived in motels. But for a while a young man took him in, not charging him anything, snd buying him things. it turned out the man was gay and my son moved out on his own. He had to go back to his seedy motels. I almost forgot about this until you posted your story. It lasted a few months. It never crossed my mind to go there and demand IDs. My son was over 18 and not fodder for a pedophile. Your son isn't either. The man could be taken back by a mother showing up and refuse to show you anything. That doesn't mean he is a bad guy. The man did nothing wrong. Your son is legally a man. When we make them leave they couch surf and find people to take them in. We signed up for this. We cant both say you are an adult and you can't live with us, but we are going to vet who you live with if somebody offers a roof. Legally you have nothing to stand on. Even if he is a felon, you can't do anything. Other than create more drama and he probably is just happy to be off the streets right now. The man is possibly just lonely and he IS charging rent. Meanwhile you are making your illness worse by trying to continue fixing your son even though he is legally an adult and you cant live with him at home. You will kill yourself at this rate. There is nothing you can do for your son anymore, including controlling his life as a homeless person. What you can do is go for therapy yourself and learn how to cope with this difficult situation. Not trying to be morbid, but you cant be there for ANYONE if you get very ill or die. Let him go, and if you have a higher power, God, the universe, angels...hand your son to their care. If you believe in anything and do thus, I have found it comforting. I believe you have other close loved ones. They need you too. And you need to be kind to yourself. Continue to love your son...detach from his daily life to life issues. Let him learn like we all learned...without Mom trying to control us as adults. Occupational Therapist (OT) is best for us to step back and let them figure it out...or not. We can not micro manage their lives...they wont listen to us anyway. No matter how much we try to tell them what we feel is best. p Hopefully he will soon find a better way. Hugs for your hurting heart. [/QUOTE]
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23 year old son - I kicked him out when he was 18
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