3 1/2 yo violent in DayCare, speech delayed

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by desertdad, Sep 22, 2009.

  1. desertdad

    desertdad New Member

    A tired and anxious hello to all ...

    If I may .. I've been deployed to Iraq for the past 4 yrs and as the deployment nears it end .. the news comes from home (re: my wife, 23 y/o daughter, and 3 1/2 yo grandson who all live in the same house .. yikes! lol .. daughter attends local college and wife works full time) .. it seems one of my wife's most stressing things to deal with is the - grandson.

    He is acting out at Difficult Child (Day Care) .. we have him in a private Difficult Child with 3-4 other kids and constant supervision. a great Difficult Child provider! Apparantly he has been showing agression through beating up a lil girl and boy. Guess this is constant.

    He is a very smart lil guy, helps around the house, likes to do chores, but is a bit delayed on his speech .. well, he still doesnt talk much, if at all. He knows exacty what one is saying to him and can/does follow complex directions. He is a bit spoiled and is as defiant as his mom was/is.

    I guess I am wondering if this behavior at the daycare is "normal" or common??? I guess he was sitting on the lil girls stomach and hitting her in the face and the other boy he sat on and covered his face/mouth with his hands. The Difficult Child provider said she was scared to leave him alone with the other kids.

    I just wonder what it is I'll be going back to - when I deploy back home?? Is his developmentally delayed (speech) thus causing his aggression? Does he need a Child psychiatric to observe him?? *sigh* ...

    Any thoughts would really help ... I really want to try and relieve my wife's anxiety about this (as I know my time away was prolly much harder on her than it was on me) .. and yes, her first gift is a nice vacation! :) ..

    Thanks ....
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi desertdad.

    I would say occasional aggression could be considered normal but that constant aggression isn't. If he's showing signs of some speech delays along with having problems functioning in the daycare setting I think it would be a good idea to have an evaluation done on him. As parents none of us here can tell you what's going on with the little guy but I will mention that the fact that he's having social problems plus isn't speaking much is an indicator that the evaluation should include checking for possible Autistic Spectrum Disorders as these are red flags. The place to start would be with the child's pediatrician and if they won't listen find one who will.

    Is he getting speech therapy? Usually doctors are jumping on speech delays by age 2 these days.
    Are his interests typical of a three year old boys?
    Any behavioral problems or unusual behaviors happening at home?

    I'm sorry that this information probably won't go very far in relieving your wife's anxiety but take it from those of us who've been there: it's better to be working towards some answers than to sit there confused and helpless over behavioral issues.

    Thumbs up for the vacation you plan on giving her when you get back. And a sincere thanks for your service.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would see a developmental pediatrician. Raging with a speech delay can be symptoms of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and the earlier it's caught the better. in my opinion it's not common for kids to act out violently in daycare. I think if you asked other parents, for the most part they'd think it wasn't the norm and that their kids didn't do that. Most kids can handle some frustration without aggression. Usually if they can't, something is going on. Of course many young kids may hit somebody, but if they go ballistic on another child or throw a rage, that is not the way most young children are. Sitting on her stomach, covering her mouth is kind of alarming. I'd seek out an evaluation.
  4. Blessed

    Blessed New Member


    It takes alot of courage to reach out for help. I pray to God you find the right path for your little guy.

    I can only share my experience, strength and hope with daycares and my difficult child (gift from God). My difficult child was expelled from TWO daycare for agressive behavior which I will not detail now. My point is I found out that the Bureau of Licensing in our state has requirements they have to follow and one of them is a child is to be "supervised" at "all" times! What happened with my difficult child would not have happened IF they were watching her like they should have been. The daycare made it like it was our fault. Told us we didn't give her enough attention (uugh), needed therapy (which we are doing). Hindsight being 20/20, if I got a call again I would ask way more questions as to exactly what happened and why she was unsupervised at the time. I would remind them of the requirements and then decide whether I would continue with them or put her elsewhere.

    I am getting a full phsycological evaluation and have my difficult child in play/art therapy to help with her frustration. I have seen improvement by God's grace. The book on the Explosive Child, which I found out about here, is helping tremendously. I also just started reading Steven Gutstein's Relationship Development Intervention for Children.

    My prayers are with you. I was at my wits end and again by God's grace found this forum.