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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 134370" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi and welcome, </p><p></p><p>Don't usually come to this forum because instead of being blessed with a difficult child that has behavior and abuse problems I got Tripoly blessed with behavior. I have had a standard rule since he was a child for personal reasons - if he became addicted to drugs - I was done, and he has known that. </p><p></p><p>Susie said exactly what I was thinking. At 18 it's so hard to get services or help for them because the law considers them adult. I don't - I don't think I became an adult until I was around 20+ and I moved out, worked 3 jobs, and got my own place at 16. </p><p></p><p>My son won't be 18 for 5 months - and we're still shadowing him - but we were able to negotiate a therapeutic foster home for him. We bailed our son out of jail 2 months ago and said "HERE ARE THE RULES OF THE HOUSE AND THE LAW OF THE LAND" (like Moses coming down from Mt. Siani) and said </p><p>YOU WILL GO TO SCHOOL</p><p>YOU WILL HELP AROUND THE HOUSE</p><p>YOU WILL NOT SNOOP OR TAKE THINGS WITHOUT ASKING</p><p>YOU WILL GO TO BED AT 10: M-F 11 S and 10 on S </p><p>YOU WILL LOOK ACTIVELY FOR A JOB AND HAVE ONE IN A MONTH </p><p>YOU WILL NOT YELL OR RAISE YOUR VOICE </p><p>YOU WILL KEEP YOUR ROOM CLEAN </p><p>YOU WILL DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY AND CHORES TO OUR SATISFACTION</p><p>YOU WILL NOT LEAVE THE YARD</p><p>YOU WILL NOT TALK ON THE PHONE LONGER THAN 15 MINS. </p><p>YOU WILL HAVE 1/ 2 hr. computer time MONITORED IF YOU COMPLY ABOVE</p><p></p><p>and - he did go to school</p><p>-he did help around the house</p><p>He fought us on bed time - we pointed and said nothing</p><p>He did look for a job</p><p>He Did do his laundry and redid a bunch of chores</p><p>He left the yard once - and that was the end of looking for a job on his own</p><p>He ran up a phone bill with Learning Disability (LD) charges that he IS paying back and I blocked all the phones from there on.</p><p>He had porn on the computer, tried to hide it and lost those rights to computer time period. </p><p></p><p>ONE SHOT - </p><p></p><p>We were looking for another placement for him for Independent living skills and found a therapeutic foster home that had rules BEFORE he got there. BUT he's doing well there. He has court on Monday and may end up in jail for 6 years for a bogus charge from being in the group home. </p><p></p><p>But - he did get to go out with a friend one time - and came home with a friend who wreaked of marijuana and I checked Dude- nope not smoked it. The friend got the "Not a good or wise choice" and knows he's probably not welcome back at the house despite the fact that we care for him a lot. We just left him with his own thoughts- that should beat him up nicely for a little while. </p><p></p><p>If you do even consider this - I would recommend taking him to any local Salvation army shelter or Homeless shelter in your area and ask the men there if they will take him on a tour of their lovely facility = that can be an eye opener. Dude and I volunteered at Salvation Army and the street people we met gave him quite an earful - others were too hung over or strung out or mentally ill to speak but....he got quite a visual aid of how cold it can get at night and how much they would give to have just a mattress and a sturdy box to keep the cold off instead of standing up all night long afraid they would be killed in their sleep. it's a reality I wanted my son to have. </p><p></p><p>Hope things work out with you and yours.....for whatever way it goes - you know he can always come home if he will abide by the rules - and when he doesn't - OUT he goes. If he's truly grateful for what you are offering him - he'd have listened to YOUR rules already. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 134370, member: 4964"] Hi and welcome, Don't usually come to this forum because instead of being blessed with a difficult child that has behavior and abuse problems I got Tripoly blessed with behavior. I have had a standard rule since he was a child for personal reasons - if he became addicted to drugs - I was done, and he has known that. Susie said exactly what I was thinking. At 18 it's so hard to get services or help for them because the law considers them adult. I don't - I don't think I became an adult until I was around 20+ and I moved out, worked 3 jobs, and got my own place at 16. My son won't be 18 for 5 months - and we're still shadowing him - but we were able to negotiate a therapeutic foster home for him. We bailed our son out of jail 2 months ago and said "HERE ARE THE RULES OF THE HOUSE AND THE LAW OF THE LAND" (like Moses coming down from Mt. Siani) and said YOU WILL GO TO SCHOOL YOU WILL HELP AROUND THE HOUSE YOU WILL NOT SNOOP OR TAKE THINGS WITHOUT ASKING YOU WILL GO TO BED AT 10: M-F 11 S and 10 on S YOU WILL LOOK ACTIVELY FOR A JOB AND HAVE ONE IN A MONTH YOU WILL NOT YELL OR RAISE YOUR VOICE YOU WILL KEEP YOUR ROOM CLEAN YOU WILL DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY AND CHORES TO OUR SATISFACTION YOU WILL NOT LEAVE THE YARD YOU WILL NOT TALK ON THE PHONE LONGER THAN 15 MINS. YOU WILL HAVE 1/ 2 hr. computer time MONITORED IF YOU COMPLY ABOVE and - he did go to school -he did help around the house He fought us on bed time - we pointed and said nothing He did look for a job He Did do his laundry and redid a bunch of chores He left the yard once - and that was the end of looking for a job on his own He ran up a phone bill with Learning Disability (LD) charges that he IS paying back and I blocked all the phones from there on. He had porn on the computer, tried to hide it and lost those rights to computer time period. ONE SHOT - We were looking for another placement for him for Independent living skills and found a therapeutic foster home that had rules BEFORE he got there. BUT he's doing well there. He has court on Monday and may end up in jail for 6 years for a bogus charge from being in the group home. But - he did get to go out with a friend one time - and came home with a friend who wreaked of marijuana and I checked Dude- nope not smoked it. The friend got the "Not a good or wise choice" and knows he's probably not welcome back at the house despite the fact that we care for him a lot. We just left him with his own thoughts- that should beat him up nicely for a little while. If you do even consider this - I would recommend taking him to any local Salvation army shelter or Homeless shelter in your area and ask the men there if they will take him on a tour of their lovely facility = that can be an eye opener. Dude and I volunteered at Salvation Army and the street people we met gave him quite an earful - others were too hung over or strung out or mentally ill to speak but....he got quite a visual aid of how cold it can get at night and how much they would give to have just a mattress and a sturdy box to keep the cold off instead of standing up all night long afraid they would be killed in their sleep. it's a reality I wanted my son to have. Hope things work out with you and yours.....for whatever way it goes - you know he can always come home if he will abide by the rules - and when he doesn't - OUT he goes. If he's truly grateful for what you are offering him - he'd have listened to YOUR rules already. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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